- Joined
- Jul 26, 2005
- Messages
- 14,833
- Reaction score
- 1,676
- Points
- 113
- Age
- 43
- Location
- In my imagination.
Haha...fuck yeah!
The storm is over and I survived. I threw away my pills a month ago, and soon after that I went into a very deep depression. I haven't left my apartment other than to go to work for over 3 weeks. I have been living off of shit in my pantry to avoid going to the store to shop. I have lost over 20lbs in just three and a half weeks. I stopped posting in my journal, because I was ashamed that I didn't have the motivation to workout. My friend is staying on my couch and he was pissed at me because I would come home from work and lock myself in my room until morning. He has known me since we were kids so he is use to this thing, but he still was mad that he come to hang out with me and I wouldn't do anything but sit in my room alone. I have been pretending at work that everything was normal, but in reality I have been nearly insane.
I have been a dick to everyone I know lately. I wasn't doing it on purpose, I was just venting I guess. I owe Witmaster and Busyliven an apology too because I jumped on their ass for no reason other than I was being a dickhead. I am sorry, and I am glad Witmaster set me in my place because I deserved it.
But now I am fine again. I feel better than I did before all of the shit started. I did it completely sober, too. The doctor can shove those fucking pills up his ass! I am going to go to wallmart and buy groceries and then go workout again. I am going to socialize again.
I really don't know why I am posting this. I have just read so much negative shit in open chat lately. Everyone just seems to vent their hatred here. Whether it is race, sex, religion, political affiliation, or relationships, everyone just seems to bash everything. I am guilty of it too, but I am not going to do that anymore. Everyone who made the point that our hatred is a sign of an inner weakness is right. If you hate something that bad, then it is you with the problem. I had an old history teacher who asked me who my hate was hurting. Was it hurting the people I hated, or was it hurting me. The answer is me. I want to learn to chill out. I want to learn to say "fuck it" every now and then.
We blame this and we blame that, but isn't our hatred what causes all of the fucked up shit that we bitch about all of the time. Instead of understanding, we resort to hatred because its easier to hate than to understand. Its easier to blame others for why we hurt than to except the fact that our problems come from within. I am going to change. I am not going to live like this any longer. If I continue at this rate, I will blow a fucking fuse and die of a heart attack before I am 40 years-old.
The storm is over and I survived. I threw away my pills a month ago, and soon after that I went into a very deep depression. I haven't left my apartment other than to go to work for over 3 weeks. I have been living off of shit in my pantry to avoid going to the store to shop. I have lost over 20lbs in just three and a half weeks. I stopped posting in my journal, because I was ashamed that I didn't have the motivation to workout. My friend is staying on my couch and he was pissed at me because I would come home from work and lock myself in my room until morning. He has known me since we were kids so he is use to this thing, but he still was mad that he come to hang out with me and I wouldn't do anything but sit in my room alone. I have been pretending at work that everything was normal, but in reality I have been nearly insane.
I have been a dick to everyone I know lately. I wasn't doing it on purpose, I was just venting I guess. I owe Witmaster and Busyliven an apology too because I jumped on their ass for no reason other than I was being a dickhead. I am sorry, and I am glad Witmaster set me in my place because I deserved it.
But now I am fine again. I feel better than I did before all of the shit started. I did it completely sober, too. The doctor can shove those fucking pills up his ass! I am going to go to wallmart and buy groceries and then go workout again. I am going to socialize again.
I really don't know why I am posting this. I have just read so much negative shit in open chat lately. Everyone just seems to vent their hatred here. Whether it is race, sex, religion, political affiliation, or relationships, everyone just seems to bash everything. I am guilty of it too, but I am not going to do that anymore. Everyone who made the point that our hatred is a sign of an inner weakness is right. If you hate something that bad, then it is you with the problem. I had an old history teacher who asked me who my hate was hurting. Was it hurting the people I hated, or was it hurting me. The answer is me. I want to learn to chill out. I want to learn to say "fuck it" every now and then.
We blame this and we blame that, but isn't our hatred what causes all of the fucked up shit that we bitch about all of the time. Instead of understanding, we resort to hatred because its easier to hate than to understand. Its easier to blame others for why we hurt than to except the fact that our problems come from within. I am going to change. I am not going to live like this any longer. If I continue at this rate, I will blow a fucking fuse and die of a heart attack before I am 40 years-old.
Sometimes you've got to be a bit of an ass just to survive. Honestly, I think I would crack, myself, if I didn't stick with my exercise program. Personally, I think locking yourself inside a room is one of the best ways to examine yourself, to face your demons. Sometimes it takes all the courage in the world just to step out your front door and enter the madness.
Yet he said drugs arent when people use to right
