Titanya and I broke up

[HialeahChico305]

I've been gone, from everyone really, for a few months now. This summer has been incredibly difficult for me. The worst time of my young and yet still painful life, really. Tanya had begun having feelings for a friend of ours, met through a stupid online video game of all places, and as time grew on she began doing things with him behind my back. He had come to visit for a week, they began doing worse things behind my back. She says she still loves me, but for reasons that she cannot explain she has to leave to be with this other guy. We fought this, we handled it truly as well as it could be handled, because we had an amazing relationship, with no conflict ever unresolved until now. But after months of fighting, months of her trying to get him out of her mind and some months of her just trying to get me to let her go, months of trying to understand how she could love me so and hurt me so at the same time, she finally got tired of fighting.

I hate this. This was entirely unexpected by everyone. We have, since we were 13, been in each other's life, and since 17 we have been a single unit. We had defeated so many odds, long distance, high school temptations, college temptations, and 9 years later she finally forced us to be the statistic that high school sweethearts tend to be.

Only way a girl would think twice about cheating is if she truly knows that disrespecting you that way will put a end on the time, trust , love and everything you gave her. Respect is everything in a relationship, and if you caught her YOU should end it IMO, not her. Wish you well.

 

[HialeahChico305]

you're funny. marriage has nothing to do with evolution, and we are absolutely not past it. if anything we need more people with the balls to stick it out and make a relationship last.
How in the hell can you love without attachment? that doesn't make any sense to me at all. anyone, and anything i've ever loved there as been a tremendous degree of attachment to. attachment is part of love.

there is not a happily married couple out there that will tell you their relationship has stayed the same over time. Relationships do grow and change. they are supposed to. if you go into it with the expectation that it wont change/develop/mature you are doing yourself and the person you are with a great disservice and setting the relationship up to failure.

Well in this particular scenario from the OP if I was in his shoes there is no way in hell ill "stick it out" after infidelity. girl would had lost all my respect and time, and I probably would end up cheating on her also. Of course that's just my young self thinking out loud. Other then that I do agree small conflicts could be resolved in a healthy relationship if the girls is truly worth it.

 

[bio-chem]

Well in this particular scenario from the OP if I was in his shoes there is no way in hell ill "stick it out" after infidelity. girl would had lost all my respect and time, and I probably would end up cheating on her also. Of course that's just my young self thinking out loud. Other then that I do agree small conflicts could be resolved in a healthy relationship if the girls is truly worth it.

my post was in reference to marriage. and in cases of infidelity selfishness entered into the equation long before the cheating did

 

[Crono1000]

Thx. It's really scary how I'm taking it at the rate I'm taking it. There's still a level of respect because I realize the neccesity and the wrongness of the same act. She had feelings for someone, she couldn't get him out of her head for a long time, and her heart just wasn't in it anymore. Something someone told me that helped was that there was nothing I could do to stop this, and in that sense there was an uncertain few things that she could have done either. The decision was pretty much made for her. This isn't entirely true, I have passed up oppurtunities in college, I have had pussy practically handed to me that I've turned down for her, but those are my mistakes or accomplishments, whichever they are. Yes, it makes me angry, I'm hurt, I want vengence, but as I went through those emotions I was without any direction except unattainable justice. There isn't an English word for how I am taking it, but accepting that this has happened to me is the closest thing, even if that is miles from my reaction. And with that I am able to find a school to go to, clean the house, go to work, shower, and possibly meet new people someday.

 

[KelJu]

How in the hell can you love without attachment? that doesn't make any sense to me at all. anyone, and anything i've ever loved there as been a tremendous degree of attachment to. attachment is part of love.

Love and attachment aren't the same thing.

 

[Mudge]

There is nothing wrong with investing your time in a relationship because it is healthy and rewarding. However, it is foolish to believe even for a second that your relationship is permanent. If you do, you are almost certain to get hurt.

You are right that most of them will be temporary in our lives, especially in our younger years. But to walk into something already "knowing" it will fail and taking it as that, pretty much guarantees that outcome not only for yourself but for the person that you inevitably turn off with that attitude (subconscious or otherwise). Why not just go into something and enjoy it for what it is, however long it does last?

If you are an "anti-relationship" guy thats fine, there are people who are not interested in having one and that can be understood on its own merits... but I wouldn't try to divert others from going for something longer term if that is what they want.

I am not the type to look back on happy times as probably most people do, I would rather completely wipe out all memories of a person. That sounds strange and probably unhealthy but for some reason that is how I am, but I still enjoy meeting people, dating, and so on. When I move on I start fresh, or it feels that way, and I enjoy my time with the "new person" and move forward not knowing what will happen. To me its just a part of life, sometimes you get bitten and it sucks.

Keep busy Crono, with the gym and anything distracting (IMO). Sitting down to read by myself wouldn't work, being out in public, social places really helped me out. I can remember actually crying at work once when I had it bad about a decade ago, so being alone for even a few moments didn't work for me. Keeping busy and going to the gym frequently pulled me out after a number of months, and I actually started to get more attention from the ladies because of this, I ended up coming out the other side feeling great about myself and just positive in general.

 

[bio-chem]

Love and attachment aren't the same thing.

no it's not. and if you read my post you quoted it's pretty obvious i'm not saying that.

 

[Crono1000]

I am not the type to look back on happy times as probably most people do, I would rather completely wipe out all memories of a person. That sounds strange and probably unhealthy but for some reason that is how I am, but I still enjoy meeting people, dating, and so on. When I move on I start fresh, or it feels that way, and I enjoy my time with the "new person" and move forward not knowing what will happen. To me its just a part of life, sometimes you get bitten and it sucks.

Keep busy Crono, with the gym and anything distracting (IMO). Sitting down to read by myself wouldn't work, being out in public, social places really helped me out. I can remember actually crying at work once when I had it bad about a decade ago, so being alone for even a few moments didn't work for me. Keeping busy and going to the gym frequently pulled me out after a number of months, and I actually started to get more attention from the ladies because of this, I ended up coming out the other side feeling great about myself and just positive in general.

thx. My self esteem has plummeted from this, but I can tell also, as low as it is, that its potential is higher than it has ever been. So I think I will scar over, but more confident than I've ever been. My job right now is to try and make that happen. I can definitly tell I need a lot of time out of relationships, I just wish I knew for how long.

 

[Rocco32]

Dude, I'm so sorry! I've been gone for quite awhile, it saddens me to come back to this update in your life. As tough as it is, you'll get through this buddy! Let me know if I can do anything for you.

 

[KentDog]

thx. My self esteem has plummeted from this, but I can tell also, as low as it is, that its potential is higher than it has ever been. So I think I will scar over, but more confident than I've ever been. My job right now is to try and make that happen. I can definitly tell I need a lot of time out of relationships, I just wish I knew for how long.

Hey good for you, Crono. Let it be your motivation to excel in all facets of your life. Soon, you will be viewing this as having been a blessing in disguise. Only YOU decide how much you suffer following a breakup.

 

[Mudge]

I can definitly tell I need a lot of time out of relationships, I just wish I knew for how long.

Agreed, and its tough when you are used to having someone there... we all play life by ear, just try to go with the flow and even when you start up with someone again it may not quite be time but you get through a couple bumps and you do what you can. Good luck amigo.