Titanya and I broke up

[Crono1000]

I've been gone, from everyone really, for a few months now. This summer has been incredibly difficult for me. The worst time of my young and yet still painful life, really. Tanya had begun having feelings for a friend of ours, met through a stupid online video game of all places, and as time grew on she began doing things with him behind my back. He had come to visit for a week, they began doing worse things behind my back. She says she still loves me, but for reasons that she cannot explain she has to leave to be with this other guy. We fought this, we handled it truly as well as it could be handled, because we had an amazing relationship, with no conflict ever unresolved until now. But after months of fighting, months of her trying to get him out of her mind and some months of her just trying to get me to let her go, months of trying to understand how she could love me so and hurt me so at the same time, she finally got tired of fighting.

I hate this. This was entirely unexpected by everyone. We have, since we were 13, been in each other's life, and since 17 we have been a single unit. We had defeated so many odds, long distance, high school temptations, college temptations, and 9 years later she finally forced us to be the statistic that high school sweethearts tend to be.

 

[Dale Mabry]

That sucks, man.

Further proof, Bitches be whack.

 

[P-funk]

Sorry to hear that.

Hope you are well.


patrick

 

[lnvanry]

I've been there...dated since 16 and broke up at 21 in college. My advice, go out and date (or just screw) some one else when your confidence or spirits get back up. We both decided there wasn't anyone else that was a better match and got back together a year later...dated for another 4 years and got married this Sept. Not saying this is a likely story, but infatuations come and go bro...and thats what this could be, especially if she genuinely still loves you...but people fall out of love too.

Sometimes, people don't realize what they had till its not there or until they realize that finding a real match (physically, spiritually, and emotionally) is not an easy thing to do...sounds like you guys had that. Things may turn around, but explore life a little in case they don't. She had to date two guys to realize how lame some guys can be when they get comfortable and show real colors....and I had to date some one else and bang handful of other chicks (one of which I always wanted to and found she had the grossest poon I ever saw in person) to realize, sex was always best with some one that I could try whatever I wanted to try.

hang in there...if you love her too, you'll just want her to be happy in the long run...does suck she was sneaky though. not a fan of that crap...I'd much rather some one be direct and say "hey, I want to see other people". Building trust up after lying can take a long time

 

[bio-chem]

im sorry to hear that dude. hope the rebound is quick. losing what you had sucks

 

[Mudge]

Damn dude I'm sorry that happened to you guys... like you said though, statistically its a tough deal. I know a couple who have been together since 15 now about 20 years later, but they cheat on each other like crazy - weekly basis at minimum...

Stay busy man it really helps!

 

[I Are Baboon]

Damn. Sorry to hear about that, Crono. Seems like you two have been on here together forever. Hang in there, man.

 

[fufu]

Sorry to hear about that.

I can only imagine the upheaval your life must have taken since the breakup.

My advice, go play FF VII!

 

[maniclion]

Once the sting goes away, the bruise will eventually fade...I say live up the bachelor life. You've been with her since you were first launched from the nest...you now have all the room in the world to spread your wings. You're accountable to no body, no one to nag you if you don't come home for 3 days or if you leave your beer bottle pyramid in the middle of the living room... Heartbreak is one of those things you have to experience at least once so that when your true love comes along you'll fight to avoid ever feeling it again....but some people never figure that out and just keep falling off that cliff...

 

[min0 lee]

Sorry Crono....you wouldn't have any blackmail photos by chance.

 

[AKIRA]

Good question.

Damn dude I'm sorry that happened to you guys... like you said though, statistically its a tough deal. I know a couple who have been together since 15 now about 20 years later, but they cheat on each other like crazy - weekly basis at minimum...

Stay busy man it really helps!

That was Dane Cook's advice and rumor has it, it works.

 

[Little Wing]

i'm sorry. hope the worst of it is over.

 

[Vieope]

Awful. Can we do something to make you feel better?

a bit of curiosity.. if I may..

what online game?

 

[Mudge]

Good question.
That was Dane Cook's advice and rumor has it, it works.

I actually like him quite a bit (more personality than humor), so its no wonder we "think alike." I got in the best shape of my life after a rough breakup, after of course the stage where I drank like it was water and slept all damn day... Occupy yourself so you don't have time to think, idle hands/idle brain, you know...

 

[Pirate!]

When I found out my now ex-wife was cheating on me, I began running countless miles a day just to keep busy. Pick some important areas of your life to focus on.

Befriending and spending time with women (not necessarily having sex) will help. Don't jump into a serious relationship.

Sorry to hear about this. Better now than then years later.

I got remarried and am so glad that my first wife f'd things up.

 

[Crono1000]

Thanks everybody. I definitly have my ups and downs. It is nice to finally be able to come out about this, because it's been our own personal war for a few months now; we didn't want the world to know in case we did work it out. We have for years been the perfect, ideal couple that proved that love existed, while everyone around us could never figure love out. It's funny because now it is the exact opposite as everyone around me are in happy relationships, some of them girls that a few years ago would have done anything to get in my pants. The pain is absolutely like nothing I've ever experienced, although I'm dealing with it at a level that I think is putting me in the right direction. I've been socializing and getting myself out there, and all that. Still, I do, against every piece of advice that I've received, want so much to be in a relationship. I have no desire for one night stands, or just to get laid. But I know, too, the risk of getting into a bad relationship for the sake of being in one, or taking advantage of someone who doesn't deserve it. So I gotta figure that one out...

We are still on good terms. She has helped me as much as she can and possibly when she shouldn't, to help me coping with this lonliness and pain. I haven't, and don't intend, to do any impulsive acts for revenge (Sorry Mino). This is a divorce, and short of lawyer papers to sign we still have to manage how the finances, apartment, phones, pets, etc. will get worked out.

My parents got divorced when I was 12, which is the primary reason I was driven to psychology. I could never allow what happened to my parents to happen to me, for my life to ever fall that low again short of my wife dieing some day in the far future. We worked on our relationship so magnificantly, that of course my guard was down that she could ever fall for another guy. But eventually those stages of life that we skipped during a highly developemental age caught up with us.


Dale: Yes indeed, sir, bitches do be whack.

Vieope: World of Warcraft, no surprise there.

 

[ZECH]

Damn Crono. Sorry to hear that. Like others said, it seems you two have been here forever and 1 missing won't be the same. Take care of yourself. It gets better with time bro.
I know what Albob is going to ask you!

 

[KelJu]

This may be the wrong thing to say, but you can't put faith in relationships.

I hope you bounce back quickly.

 

[Mudge]

Sure you can, but nothing is a sure thing. To have faith in nothing just because there is a possibility it wont work forever, is kinda a middle finger to the other person and the whole relationship.

Thats like going into a new job saying "I'm going to fail, because this is a challenge."

 

[Crono1000]

This may be the wrong thing to say, but you can't put faith in relationships.

I hope you bounce back quickly.

unfortuantely that does seem to be the lesson learned. People change, I didn't know love did, too.

 

[AKIRA]

Sure you can, but nothing is a sure thing. To have faith in nothing just because there is a possibility it wont work forever, is kinda a middle finger to the other person and the whole relationship.

Thats like going into a new job saying "I'm going to fail, because this is a challenge."

OOoh, I like that one.

 

[KelJu]

Sure you can, but nothing is a sure thing. To have faith in nothing just because there is a possibility it wont work forever, is kinda a middle finger to the other person and the whole relationship.

Thats like going into a new job saying "I'm going to fail, because this is a challenge."

No dude, it comes down to numbers. Statistically speaking, In westernized cultures, relationships will fail. More than half of marriages failed. I would imagine somewhere near 95% of non married relationships failed.

Do the math. How many girlfriends have you had? If you are in a relationship now, divide the number to get your success rate. Most Americans are in a lower than 10% category. With number like that, you would have to be human to think any of it makes sense.

There is nothing wrong with investing your time in a relationship because it is healthy and rewarding. However, it is foolish to believe even for a second that your relationship is permanent. If you do, you are almost certain to get hurt.

Crono is a good guy. I hope he bounces back quickly. But don't make the mistake again. Relationships are temporary.

 

[nkira]

Sorry to hear about the break up Crono....I am sure you'll find some one better.

Like others said don't dwell over it.....the more you think the more it hurts.

 

[bio-chem]

No dude, it comes down to numbers. Statistically speaking, In westernized cultures, relationships will fail. More than half of marriages failed. I would imagine somewhere near 95% of non married relationships failed.

Do the math. How many girlfriends have you had? If you are in a relationship now, divide the number to get your success rate. Most Americans are in a lower than 10% category. With number like that, you would have to be human to think any of it makes sense.

There is nothing wrong with investing your time in a relationship because it is healthy and rewarding. However, it is foolish to believe even for a second that your relationship is permanent. If you do, you are almost certain to get hurt.

Crono is a good guy. I hope he bounces back quickly. But don't make the mistake again. Relationships are temporary.

while I agree with the most part of this, i can't wrap my head around it completely. As a percentage, yes, a relationship is most likely to fail going into it. thats fine, but ive seen too many 50+ year marriages to say that relationships are temporary. My parents have stuck it out 30+ years and I feel pretty confident in saying it's not temporary. 50% of marriages end in divorce, and 50% don't and their are a lot of marriages out there. the fact is relationships only end when one or both of the individuals become selfish. when both parties are selfless to the relationship then the relationship lasts.

 

[AKIRA]

Actually that statistic about half of marriages fail is outdated. More marriages are lasting now.

But less people are getting married.

 

[KelJu]

while I agree with the most part of this, i can't wrap my head around it completely. As a percentage, yes, a relationship is most likely to fail going into it. thats fine, but ive seen too many 50+ year marriages to say that relationships are temporary. My parents have stuck it out 30+ years and I feel pretty confident in saying it's not temporary. 50% of marriages end in divorce, and 50% don't and their are a lot of marriages out there. the fact is relationships only end when one or both of the individuals become selfish. when both parties are selfless to the relationship then the relationship lasts.

Yeah, some people win the lottery. Some people beat the odds. I wouldn't stake my happiness on it.

The numbers don't lie. The super importance we place in putting everything you have into a relationship is left over garbage from evolution. Our society is past that.

To love is great, but to love with attachment is highly dangerous. Nothing ever stays the same, and to believe a relationship will stay the same sets yourself up for a lot of hurt and in most cases financial hardship.

Actually that statistic about half of marriages fail is outdated. More marriages are lasting now.

But less people are getting married.

That's pretty interesting. You got any sources on that by any chance?

 

[Crono1000]

Actually that statistic about half of marriages fail is outdated. More marriages are lasting now.

But less people are getting married.

like Wanda Sykes said, people are too broke to get divorced these days.

Doesn't make it any easier, really.

 

[bio-chem]

Yeah, some people win the lottery. Some people beat the odds. I wouldn't stake my happiness on it.

The numbers don't lie. The super importance we place in putting everything you have into a relationship is left over garbage from evolution. Our society is past that.

To love is great, but to love with attachment is highly dangerous. Nothing ever stays the same, and to believe a relationship will stay the same sets yourself up for a lot of hurt and in most cases financial hardship.





That's pretty interesting. You got any sources on that by any chance?

you're funny. marriage has nothing to do with evolution, and we are absolutely not past it. if anything we need more people with the balls to stick it out and make a relationship last.

How in the hell can you love without attachment? that doesn't make any sense to me at all. anyone, and anything i've ever loved there as been a tremendous degree of attachment to. attachment is part of love.

there is not a happily married couple out there that will tell you their relationship has stayed the same over time. Relationships do grow and change. they are supposed to. if you go into it with the expectation that it wont change/develop/mature you are doing yourself and the person you are with a great disservice and setting the relationship up to failure.

 

[nkira]

Echos my thinking....

Yeah, some people win the lottery. Some people beat the odds. I wouldn't stake my happiness on it.

Crono, This might seem foolish but even though you are going through this please keep hitting the weights...it sure helps..One of our mods was going through a rough patch in terms of relationship but lifting kept both of them together.they are still together......even though I am single....works well for me too.

 

[Crono1000]

Echos my thinking....




Crono, This might seem foolish but even though you are going through this please keep hitting the weights...it sure helps..One of our mods was going through a rough patch in terms of relationship but lifting kept both of them together.they are still together......even though I am single....works well for me too.

oh yeah, physically this has been the best thing to ever happen to me. The gym has always been a chore before, but now it's one of the best therapies I have. It's been helping a lot, been building back my otherwise broken self esteem, and hopefully get me back in the game with any shred of confidence.