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Crap

I can't believe that tomorrow is March already. This year is just flying by.
 
no shizzle, my rizzle!
 
So where do I begin my story...

There I was, sitting in a pile of my own feces. My pet lobster was sitting on the futon giving a look that projects something along the lines of, "when are you going to change the oil on your piece of shit truck."

I sighed and stood up. I went to the window where a cup of unknown liquid was setting in a large ceramic mug. It was baby blue, there were pieces of it chipped revealing the dull while base. I took a sip, tasted like pig blood steeped with Oprah's queefnuggets. Delicious.

Took a look out the window - there it was, 20,000 leagues under the sea.
 
"Samantha!", I yelled. "Samantha! Where's my happy meal?". Samantha tweaked her antennae and gave me a lobsterish growl.

I walked away...hungry. Empty. And worst of all, with a bad case of itchy nuts. I decided to go to bed.

The next morning I walked into the kitchen and found that Samantha boiled herself during the night. It was my favorite pot, she knew I only used it for special occasions. Bitch, I hate her, I love her. She is dead. I must find myself a new partner...

20,000 leagues under the sea.
 
So I'm banging this chick in the dirt shoot, right, and I'm not wearing a condom because that shit is gay. Anyway, I am going and all of a sudden, I feel something tag my nuts. Well, it turns out, it was actually a dude and his tallywhacker was teabagging mine....Looking back, somehow, wearing a condom just doesn't seem that gay.
 
Sew eye'm reeding uh post ore too hear two sea watt your awl dueing ... eye'm awl lyke ... :confused: ... watt da phuque?
 
I'll bet you thought this thread would die while you were on vacation. :laugh:

:nope:
 
Fellas, don't be fooled, the female orgasm is a myth perpetuated by the man.
 
I'll bet Vieope is drooling right about now. :D
 
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