Yeah, I'm a dumbass.
Anyway, the reason varying your routine often sucks is simple. When you first start doing an exercise it is "new" to you body in a sense that it has never learned it. From the first time you use this exercise to roughly 4-8 weeks (the more complicated the exercise the longer this takes), the nervous system "learns" the exercise by optimizing itself to the movement primarily through altering intra and inter muscular coordination. For this reason you experience rapid progress when first using an exercise then as you continue using the exercise progress becomes slower and slower. At this point many people recommend switching up your routine to spark new progress, this is the exact opposite of what should be done! After this initial optimization the nervous system will have trained itself to recruit muscle fibers maximally in the given movement, in other words only AFTER the initial rapid progress can a muscle be maximally stimulated! By frequently varying exercises in your routine you are taking a step back in your quest for muscle growth.
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Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.