Oh, your meals from yesterday, just wondering how you got 248 g's of protein?
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Hi Jill
I broke down my meals from yesterday to show you where the protein was coming from. The soy pitas have 22g per pita, plus my supps add about 45g of additional quality protein each day!
Diet:
M1:cals/c/p/f/fiber :
1/2cup oats150 27 5 3 4
1 egg80 0 6 5 0
3 ew 25 0 5 0 0
1 HC link24 1 2.7 1 0
2 ff cheese60 4 10 0 0
3 Mass Aminos18 0 4.5 0 0
3 Ultra 40 Tabs18 0 4.5 0 0
M1 Total:375 32 37.7 9 4
M2:
soy pita240 36 22 2 2
1 ff cheese30 2 5 0 0
3.5 oz turkey105 0 24.5 1 0
3 Mass Aminos18 0 4.5 0 0
3 Ultra 40 Tabs18 0 4.5 0 0
M2 Total:411 38 60.5 2 2
M3:
2 scoops US240 10 34 8 0
1 TBL Flax120 0 0 14 0
3 Mass Aminos18 0 4.5 0 0
3 Ultra 40 Tabs18 0 4.5 0 0
M3 Total:396 10 43 22 0
M4:
2 ww low carb pitas200 36 14 0 32
1 ff cheese30 2 5 0 0
2oz turkey60 0 14 .5 0
3 Mass Aminos18 0 4.5 0 0
3 Ultra 40 Tabs18 0 4.5 0 0
M4 Total:326 38 42 .5 32
M5:
1 ww low carb pita100 18 7 0 16
1 ff cheese30 2 5 0 0
2 soy pitas480 72 44 2 2
3 Mass Aminos18 0 4.5 0 0
3 Ultra 40 Tabs18 0 4.5 0 0
M5 Total:646 92 65 2 20
Totals:
Cal: C: P: F: Fib:
M1: 375 32 37.7 9 4
M2: 411 38 60.5 2 2
M3: 396 10 43 22 0
M4: 326 38 42 .5 32
M5: 646 92 65 2 20
2154 210 248.2 35.5 58
Total:
2154
c:210 (net 142...ooops s/b 152!!!)
p:248.2
f:35.5
I broke down my meals from yesterday to show you where the protein was coming from. The soy pitas have 22g per pita, plus my supps add about 45g of additional quality protein each day!
Diet:
M1:cals/c/p/f/fiber :
1/2cup oats150 27 5 3 4
1 egg80 0 6 5 0
3 ew 25 0 5 0 0
1 HC link24 1 2.7 1 0
2 ff cheese60 4 10 0 0
3 Mass Aminos18 0 4.5 0 0
3 Ultra 40 Tabs18 0 4.5 0 0
M1 Total:375 32 37.7 9 4
M2:
soy pita240 36 22 2 2
1 ff cheese30 2 5 0 0
3.5 oz turkey105 0 24.5 1 0
3 Mass Aminos18 0 4.5 0 0
3 Ultra 40 Tabs18 0 4.5 0 0
M2 Total:411 38 60.5 2 2
M3:
2 scoops US240 10 34 8 0
1 TBL Flax120 0 0 14 0
3 Mass Aminos18 0 4.5 0 0
3 Ultra 40 Tabs18 0 4.5 0 0
M3 Total:396 10 43 22 0
M4:
2 ww low carb pitas200 36 14 0 32
1 ff cheese30 2 5 0 0
2oz turkey60 0 14 .5 0
3 Mass Aminos18 0 4.5 0 0
3 Ultra 40 Tabs18 0 4.5 0 0
M4 Total:326 38 42 .5 32
M5:
1 ww low carb pita100 18 7 0 16
1 ff cheese30 2 5 0 0
2 soy pitas480 72 44 2 2
3 Mass Aminos18 0 4.5 0 0
3 Ultra 40 Tabs18 0 4.5 0 0
M5 Total:646 92 65 2 20
Totals:
Cal: C: P: F: Fib:
M1: 375 32 37.7 9 4
M2: 411 38 60.5 2 2
M3: 396 10 43 22 0
M4: 326 38 42 .5 32
M5: 646 92 65 2 20
2154 210 248.2 35.5 58
Total:
2154
c:210 (net 142...ooops s/b 152!!!)
p:248.2
f:35.5
You are cute! You didnt have to go so into detail! Wow, your cheese is 10g of protein? (2) How much and what kinda cheese you eating? I usually eat light cheese slices or feta.
I love salt.
I love salt.
Hi jstar! 
I finally got to spend some time on here and read through your journal. Good luck with your competitions, I admire anyone with the discipline and drive to do that.
That's so cool. I totally understand about the binging, I have the same issue that I'm working through right now. I'm getting better.
I'm looking forward to seeing you kick some butt at these competitions!
I finally got to spend some time on here and read through your journal. Good luck with your competitions, I admire anyone with the discipline and drive to do that.
That's so cool. I totally understand about the binging, I have the same issue that I'm working through right now. I'm getting better. I'm looking forward to seeing you kick some butt at these competitions!
IMO i think you should be leaning down to about 15-16% bf and let your body adjust to that weight and then make minor tweeks here and there. When was the last time you had body fat cked by an accurate source? I recommend it every 3-4 weeks to ck everything in ck Just my opinon. Plus you are not doing cardio ? I would be keeping caloires where they are at and add 3 session of cardio in on non training days 20-30 minutes - HIT one day , interval next time, longer duration 3 time. Listen to venuto he nailed it on the head . Feed the muscle and let cardio burn the fat. Ask j'bo she loves what she is doing becuase we kept cardio in and even up caloires and she is bigger and leaner then she was last year !! just some things to think about Pm if have any quesdtions
ps liver tabs are 2 grams per tablet !! Not 1.5 grams other wise everything looks good. Calories are alittle high with out any cardio thats all i am saying
Jill: It's fat free Shaw's brand per slice is 30 cals, 2 carbs, 5 protein.
Hikerchick: Hey girl!!! I am dealing with my food issues for the 1st time ever, for me it goes hand and hand with depression. Just talking openly about it here and with others is really helping though! I'll be sure to pop in your journal too. You are doing the IM challenge, right?
Hardasnails...you are so right. I just worked out a new plan, one that I think I may actually be able to stick with. I find that when I lower my carbs too much (like to 100g/day) I end up eating more/cheating/craving more carbs and sugar. I'd rather try a more moderate carb approach and tweak it to a carb cycling plan along the way. I am going to detail what I came up with tonight in my next post, I'd really respect your opinion on any changes you would make
Hikerchick: Hey girl!!! I am dealing with my food issues for the 1st time ever, for me it goes hand and hand with depression. Just talking openly about it here and with others is really helping though! I'll be sure to pop in your journal too. You are doing the IM challenge, right?
Hardasnails...you are so right. I just worked out a new plan, one that I think I may actually be able to stick with. I find that when I lower my carbs too much (like to 100g/day) I end up eating more/cheating/craving more carbs and sugar. I'd rather try a more moderate carb approach and tweak it to a carb cycling plan along the way. I am going to detail what I came up with tonight in my next post, I'd really respect your opinion on any changes you would make
Hey everyone! The past couple days have been pretty bad. First I was snowed in at my boyfriends then once I finally made it home my flu became full-blown. Yesterday was definitely worse than today. Grrrr this wouldn't have happened if I had stocked up on vit C and gotten more multi's so it's my fault I guess. Good news is that I came up with a new long-term plan for my contest diet. I am still aiming for 4/10 but if I am off, there are several contests in the 3-4 wks following that show, so I will be ready for one of them, if not all of them! Here it is, all opinions are welcome!
Note: Liver Tabs/Mass Aminos calories and protein grams are included in total intake.
Dec 9-31:
Cardio: 4x30 am
Training: 4x week (each bp twice)
Diet: 2005 cal, p/c/f: 200/200/45
Supps: BCAA's or Mass Aminos before & during weights, before cardio. Liver tabs: 10/day split evenly with # meals, 600mg ALA, 500mg biotin, multi, maybe xtra Vit C, glutamine post cardio & post training
Jan 1-31:
Cardio: 4x45 am
Training: same
Diet: same (clean up sources if necessary)
Supps: same...add Green Tea am,before cardio
Feb 1-29:
Cardio: same, 4x45 am (1-2 are HIT)
Training: 3x week: D1:Chest/Back, D2:Legs, D3:Sh/Arms...abs/calves every training day.
Supps: same
Diet: Carb Cycle: No, Low, Med, High:
No: 30C 200P 45F 1325
Low: 100C 200P 45F 1605
Med: 150C 200P 45F 1805
High:200C 200P 45F 2005
Average: 120C 200P 45F 1685
Notes: cardio on no/low days, weights on med/high days.
Mar 1-31:
Cardio: same, 4x45 am (3 are HIT)
Training: 3x week: one heavy day(hypertrophy), one circuit day, one superset/giant sets.
Diet: No, Low, No, High
No: 30C 200P 45F 1325
Low: 100C 200P 45F 1605
No: 30C 200P 45F 1325
High: 200C 200P 45F 2005
Average: 90C 200P 45F 1565
Notes: Cardio will try to do on no/low days and weights on higher carb days.
April 1-10:
4/1-4/3: p/c/f 200/200/45 no workout/break
4/4-4/6: DEPLETE:zero carbs-3-4oz low sodium protein every 2-3 hrs (ground turkey), fiber supp, tons of water (up to 2 gallons)workout is superset/total body all 3 days with light weights/ 30-45 cardio postworkout (or as much as I can do of that!)
4/7: CARB LOAD DAY 1: no workout, just stretching, 1/2 gal water all day, 5-6 meals of carbs/protein..I have a detailed plan for this when the time comes.
4/8 & 4/9: CARB LOAD DAYS 2&3: 16 oz water, same meals as Day 1 - no workouts, just stretch if you want to.
4/10-Show
This is a rough guideline of what I want to do. Of course the dates could change depending on how quickly I progress and how I feel. I know a lot of people might advise a lower carb diet but honestly I know I am setting myself up for failure that way. BI would probably have me on the really low carb diet with bi-weekly carb ups...while this is no doubt very effective for a lot of people, I would probably bite someone's head off after 3 days with a next to nothing carb intake!!! That is why I like the idea of adding in cardio now and keeping mod levels of carbs (200g/day) then cycling my carbs later. I feel much more comfortable with this approach. Any suggestions??? Like I said, alot of this is subject to change depending on my progress, but this is the basic outline.
December 9
7.2g BCAAs
Cardio:
30 elliptical
2.77 miles
422 cals
HR 110-120 (still kinda sick)
Meals:
M1:
2 Ultra 40s12 0 3 0
1/2 cup oats150 27c 5p 3f
1 egg 80 0 6 5
3 egg whites25 0 5 0
3 HC Sausages70 3 8 3
Total: 337 30c 27p 11f
M2:2 Ultra 40s12 0 3 0
1 soy pita240 36 22 2
1 ff cheese30 2 5 0
2.8 oz turkey84 0 17 1
Total: 366 38c 45p 3f
M3
reworkout 2 Ultra 40s12 0 3 0
1/2 cup oats 150 27 5 3
1 sc US 120 5 17 4
1 graham cracker 55 11.5 1 .75
10 Mass Aminos 50 0 12.5 0
(5 before training, 5 during)
M4ostworkoutglutamine
1 cup oats 300 54 10 6
1 sc US 120 5 17 4
M4 Total: 420 59 27 10
M5ostworkout 22 Ultra 40s12 0 3 0
soy pita 240 36 22 2
3 ff cheese 90 6 15 0
M5 Total: 342 42 40 2
M6:2 Ultra 40s12 0 3 0
soy pita 240 36 22 2
3 ff cheese 90 6 15 0
M6 Total: 342 42 40 2
Total: 2194 254.5c 212.5p 35.75f
Workout: Chest/Shoulders/Triceps/Calves/Abs:
DB Bench Press: 5 x 15,12,8,8,9
Plate Xover: 3 x 13,12,12
Machine Shoulder Press: 5 x 20, 12+8, 6+9, 6+9, 6+8, Dropsets
DB Incline Fly: 3 x 15,15,9
Crunch: 3 x 15
Seated Calf Raise: 3 x 25
Machine Lateral Raise: 3 x 15,12,8
Tricep Pressdown: 3 x 6+7+7, 6+8+8, 6+5+6, dropsets
7.2g BCAAs
Cardio:
30 elliptical
2.77 miles
422 cals
HR 110-120 (still kinda sick)
Meals:
M1:
2 Ultra 40s12 0 3 0
1/2 cup oats150 27c 5p 3f
1 egg 80 0 6 5
3 egg whites25 0 5 0
3 HC Sausages70 3 8 3
Total: 337 30c 27p 11f
M2:2 Ultra 40s12 0 3 0
1 soy pita240 36 22 2
1 ff cheese30 2 5 0
2.8 oz turkey84 0 17 1
Total: 366 38c 45p 3f
M3
reworkout 2 Ultra 40s12 0 3 01/2 cup oats 150 27 5 3
1 sc US 120 5 17 4
1 graham cracker 55 11.5 1 .75
10 Mass Aminos 50 0 12.5 0
(5 before training, 5 during)
M4
ostworkoutglutamine1 cup oats 300 54 10 6
1 sc US 120 5 17 4
M4 Total: 420 59 27 10
M5
ostworkout 22 Ultra 40s12 0 3 0soy pita 240 36 22 2
3 ff cheese 90 6 15 0
M5 Total: 342 42 40 2
M6:2 Ultra 40s12 0 3 0
soy pita 240 36 22 2
3 ff cheese 90 6 15 0
M6 Total: 342 42 40 2
Total: 2194 254.5c 212.5p 35.75f
Workout: Chest/Shoulders/Triceps/Calves/Abs:
DB Bench Press: 5 x 15,12,8,8,9
Plate Xover: 3 x 13,12,12
Machine Shoulder Press: 5 x 20, 12+8, 6+9, 6+9, 6+8, Dropsets
DB Incline Fly: 3 x 15,15,9
Crunch: 3 x 15
Seated Calf Raise: 3 x 25
Machine Lateral Raise: 3 x 15,12,8
Tricep Pressdown: 3 x 6+7+7, 6+8+8, 6+5+6, dropsets
Last edited:
take to 6 meals a day and you can better assimulate the protein intake. Personally 150 is plenty and then gradually increase it. to 175 grams is too much more a female for protein becuase you do not have the hormones to syntheis it (testerone). I would also lower carbs to your body weight and have (75-80) %them centered around your preworkout, post wokout 1 and meal 2 and other percentage coming from ultrasize . This way they can be utilized proper and out side window even including breakfast keep them lower with little higher fat like 10 grams
meal 1 lower protein slighlty drop oats add 1/2 grapefruit ever thing else looks fine
meal 2 preworkout meal Drop protein by 20-25%, now bring in oatmeal 1/2 cup
meal 3 post workout 1 2 scoops muscle provider with 1 cup oatmeal
2 hours later post wokout 2 is fine cut oats switch to 6 oz yam
meal 5 fine
meal 6 6 egg whites with veggies
reasoning
aftet cardio you will be still i fat burning mood from not having carbs - good thing
have majority of carbs centered around pre, post w1post 2 and then start tampering as day goes on and then about 5-6 pm make that your last solid meal like you have and then before going to bed just a nice light anabolic meal (cottage chesse and eggs are best ) with 1 cup of favorite greens in salad NO FAT !! becuae the fiber will slow the aborption down as well as the cassein from the cc...
so training day may loo like this
meal 1 lower protein slighlty drop oats add 1/2 grapefruit ever thing else looks fine
meal 2 preworkout meal Drop protein by 20-25%, now bring in oatmeal 1/2 cup
meal 3 post workout 1 2 scoops muscle provider with 1 cup oatmeal
2 hours later post wokout 2 is fine cut oats switch to 6 oz yam
meal 5 fine
meal 6 6 egg whites with veggies
reasoning
aftet cardio you will be still i fat burning mood from not having carbs - good thing
have majority of carbs centered around pre, post w1post 2 and then start tampering as day goes on and then about 5-6 pm make that your last solid meal like you have and then before going to bed just a nice light anabolic meal (cottage chesse and eggs are best ) with 1 cup of favorite greens in salad NO FAT !! becuae the fiber will slow the aborption down as well as the cassein from the cc...
so training day may loo like this
My diet needs some tweaking. I am going to take the awesome suggestions Han has made an incorporate them into my plan. Thanks Han 
Since I am adding cardio and still really trying to eliminate the sugar and junk I want to keep my total cals high like 1900-2000 (but no more than that!) and make them clean as possible. I will get rid of the soy pitas and breads and try to utilize more sweet potatoes and oats in place of them. Also, veggies are a weak point, I will add in a few servings a day. I don't want to get too hung up on macros right now, just establish a foundation then tweak it every 10-14 days starting 1/1.
Since I am adding cardio and still really trying to eliminate the sugar and junk I want to keep my total cals high like 1900-2000 (but no more than that!) and make them clean as possible. I will get rid of the soy pitas and breads and try to utilize more sweet potatoes and oats in place of them. Also, veggies are a weak point, I will add in a few servings a day. I don't want to get too hung up on macros right now, just establish a foundation then tweak it every 10-14 days starting 1/1.
Where you been?
Hi Jill
so nice to know that i've been missed. I haven't really posted much about the problems that I am going through b/c I am embarrassed but I think it will help me to get out all my feelings and recover. I guess that when I am absent from here you all assume I must be at the gym and eating clean but that is not the case. I suffer from major depression (depression that is ongoing and lasts for more than 2 weeks at a time). I just started therapy again a few weeks ago. The first time I ever went to therapy was this year, in the late winter/early spring. I only went for a few sessions then quit. I wanted to get on meds at that point and they gave me a presciption for one of the newer antidepressants on the market. I took one pill before bed then went to sleep for the night. I awoke in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and instead collapsed on my kitchen floor. I couldn't walk and had to be carried to the sofa where I slept the rest of the night. In the morning when I woke up I thought I'd be fine walking and made it about 10 feet before I blacked out again and fell to the floor. I was like this for 12 hrs from the time I took the initial dose, which btw was a low dose to begin with. The next time I saw my therapist and explained what happened she said "are you still taking it?" I was like, hello did you hear what I said??? no, of course not. then she wanted me to see the doc about getting on a lower dose or another med, but at that point I was really scared, terrified even. The therapy was really weirs and I hate to just sit there and talk and talk and talk to a person who just nods their head and interjects a few things here and there. It seemed like a waste of money plus the weather was getting better and my mood was a little more upbeat so I called it quits. Although my depression is not nearly as bad in the warmer sunnier months it still comes and goes, it is just way more easier to tolerate than in the winter I guess.
I also have issues with binge eating along with the depression. I will take in 5000-10000 cals a day easy at least 2-3 week. When the depression is more manageable it might be 1-2 times a week with 3000-5000 cals. Lately it has been 3x or more a week.
I started going to therapy again 3 wks ago with a different therapist. I never disclosed to anyone ever, not even my last therapist, about my bingeing. But I did tell the new therapist who is helping me with that as well. She wants me to go to her 12 wk group starting in Jan but its $500 extra on top of going to regular therapy so I don't know. I was like gee, can't you just help me in here, I am outta work right now, ya know. So we shall see what happens. I am planning to try anything I can to beat this depression/bingeing because it is honestly tearing me down inside. I have an appt with a doc next week for meds, hoping to try a different one (Zoloft). My brother is on it, I just found out and it seems to be working fine for him so chances are I won't have a negative reaction with it if he hasn't.
Just a note on depression: it sucks! I am the most quietest, shyest person you can ever meet and I can't believe I am writing all this, personal stuff about myself right now, but I am doing it because I have to. Keeping depression to yourself is the worst thing you can do. It eats away at you and destoys everything. You feel as though you have no way out and life becomes almost painful. Before anyone starts giving me the suicide hotline, please believe me I would never and could never do that, no matter how awful things get. I would rather spill my guts to all of you than to do that Little by little I will climb out of this black hole and make a complete recovery, no matter what it takes, I will not give up, ever! The sad thing is that people do give up and family and friends may even give up on me because it is terribly frustrating for them to see me do this to myself and not be able to help. My boyfriend (poor guy) has had to put up with a lot and we are currently not speaking, it is tough. Under normal circumstances we have a great relationship, but with this illness, it is hard to function day to day and be myself. A part of me is lost right now but I am determined to get it back.
Depression and competing (what? )
obviously those 2 things don't go together, right? With the bingeing, it makes it hard to get into contest shape-which is why my journal is a muck. I will compete again but I have to deal with this monster first. a lot of people who are depressed are still able to function (ie work, shower, do the normal daily things) with major depression the ability to function normally is not there. it becomes a monumental task to get up in the morning, get dressed, wash my hair, shower, do a simple task, etc. my ability to do these things changes from day to day some days are a bit easier than others and some days are worse. my goal is to force myself to do these things, including getting up early and doing cardio, going to the gym, eating better, eventually doing another contest when I feel better. i will still eat and train as though I am doing the april show because it will help even if i decide to not do the show, it will help.
i am sure there are other things i wanted to say but forgot. sorry such a long post but i do feel a bit better getting it all out. one thing i learned in therapy is that depression/bingeing are about suppressing your feelings, you are stuffing them down with food and with negative thoughts. now i am doing the opposite and expressing my feelings either verbally, online or on paper. It feels very foreign to me but this is what anyone who suffers from these things must do to recover.
I will start posting again tomorrow-gonna try to get up early for cardio and just do it!
thanks for listening
so nice to know that i've been missed. I haven't really posted much about the problems that I am going through b/c I am embarrassed but I think it will help me to get out all my feelings and recover. I guess that when I am absent from here you all assume I must be at the gym and eating clean but that is not the case. I suffer from major depression (depression that is ongoing and lasts for more than 2 weeks at a time). I just started therapy again a few weeks ago. The first time I ever went to therapy was this year, in the late winter/early spring. I only went for a few sessions then quit. I wanted to get on meds at that point and they gave me a presciption for one of the newer antidepressants on the market. I took one pill before bed then went to sleep for the night. I awoke in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and instead collapsed on my kitchen floor. I couldn't walk and had to be carried to the sofa where I slept the rest of the night. In the morning when I woke up I thought I'd be fine walking and made it about 10 feet before I blacked out again and fell to the floor. I was like this for 12 hrs from the time I took the initial dose, which btw was a low dose to begin with. The next time I saw my therapist and explained what happened she said "are you still taking it?" I was like, hello did you hear what I said??? no, of course not. then she wanted me to see the doc about getting on a lower dose or another med, but at that point I was really scared, terrified even. The therapy was really weirs and I hate to just sit there and talk and talk and talk to a person who just nods their head and interjects a few things here and there. It seemed like a waste of money plus the weather was getting better and my mood was a little more upbeat so I called it quits. Although my depression is not nearly as bad in the warmer sunnier months it still comes and goes, it is just way more easier to tolerate than in the winter I guess.
I also have issues with binge eating along with the depression. I will take in 5000-10000 cals a day easy at least 2-3 week. When the depression is more manageable it might be 1-2 times a week with 3000-5000 cals. Lately it has been 3x or more a week.
I started going to therapy again 3 wks ago with a different therapist. I never disclosed to anyone ever, not even my last therapist, about my bingeing. But I did tell the new therapist who is helping me with that as well. She wants me to go to her 12 wk group starting in Jan but its $500 extra on top of going to regular therapy so I don't know. I was like gee, can't you just help me in here, I am outta work right now, ya know. So we shall see what happens. I am planning to try anything I can to beat this depression/bingeing because it is honestly tearing me down inside. I have an appt with a doc next week for meds, hoping to try a different one (Zoloft). My brother is on it, I just found out and it seems to be working fine for him so chances are I won't have a negative reaction with it if he hasn't.
Just a note on depression: it sucks! I am the most quietest, shyest person you can ever meet and I can't believe I am writing all this, personal stuff about myself right now, but I am doing it because I have to. Keeping depression to yourself is the worst thing you can do. It eats away at you and destoys everything. You feel as though you have no way out and life becomes almost painful. Before anyone starts giving me the suicide hotline, please believe me I would never and could never do that, no matter how awful things get. I would rather spill my guts to all of you than to do that
Little by little I will climb out of this black hole and make a complete recovery, no matter what it takes, I will not give up, ever! The sad thing is that people do give up and family and friends may even give up on me because it is terribly frustrating for them to see me do this to myself and not be able to help. My boyfriend (poor guy) has had to put up with a lot and we are currently not speaking, it is tough. Under normal circumstances we have a great relationship, but with this illness, it is hard to function day to day and be myself. A part of me is lost right now but I am determined to get it back. Depression and competing (what?
)obviously those 2 things don't go together, right? With the bingeing, it makes it hard to get into contest shape-which is why my journal is a muck. I will compete again but I have to deal with this monster first. a lot of people who are depressed are still able to function (ie work, shower, do the normal daily things) with major depression the ability to function normally is not there. it becomes a monumental task to get up in the morning, get dressed, wash my hair, shower, do a simple task, etc. my ability to do these things changes from day to day some days are a bit easier than others and some days are worse. my goal is to force myself to do these things, including getting up early and doing cardio, going to the gym, eating better, eventually doing another contest when I feel better. i will still eat and train as though I am doing the april show because it will help even if i decide to not do the show, it will help.
i am sure there are other things i wanted to say but forgot. sorry such a long post but i do feel a bit better getting it all out. one thing i learned in therapy is that depression/bingeing are about suppressing your feelings, you are stuffing them down with food and with negative thoughts. now i am doing the opposite and expressing my feelings either verbally, online or on paper. It feels very foreign to me but this is what anyone who suffers from these things must do to recover.
I will start posting again tomorrow-gonna try to get up early for cardio and just do it!
thanks for listening
jstar, I'm sending you a big hug. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. there is hope though, you can get better. I'm here for you. I hope that you find a better therapist that you can relate to more. I'm so sorry. Please feel free to pm me anytime. I'm a great listener. and please keep working out, even if you're not eating the way you think you should, just keep working out.
and please keep working out, even if you're not eating the way you think you should, just keep working out.
Hey there! I have never posted in your journal before, but I have read it from start to finish. I think that your a truly amazing person and I'm so sorry your going through all this. I'm glad that you were able to let us know, because you will find that the people here at IM are wonderful & Truly care about you.
I have a mild depression order. I Semi know what your going through, and I know that you can get through this!!! I am here for you!!!
SMILE & Keep working out!!!
HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a mild depression order. I Semi know what your going through, and I know that you can get through this!!! I am here for you!!!
SMILE & Keep working out!!!
HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel for ya girl! I myself have suffered from eating disorders for several years of my life, I can relate. I think you should focus more on yourself, the therapy and beating the ed and depression, and then consider competiting. (IMO) Good luck with all. You can PM me anytime if you wanna chat! 
P.s Its great that you opened up here. Everyone here listens and gives great advice, no one is here to judge.
Hikerchick, Stacey and Jill..you guys are too sweet 
THANK YOU all so much for your words of encouragement. It makes me feel so much better knowing that I have all of you on my side pulling for me. I feel better already. You guys can pm me anytime too if you'd like. I am still going to post my diet and exercise but not get too rigid right now. Baby steps for now I guess. HC that was great advice--keep working out no matter what my diet is like. Too often I sabotage myself with black or white thinking, all or nothing. If my diet wasn't right on then I had to rearrange my workouts or not do them at all. Stopping cardio was a bad move too. I actually like cardio and it does elevate my mood somewhat so I intend to at least do moderate amounts right now. Endorphins, right?
IM rocks!!! All you guys are awesome and I sincerely thank you for your support.
THANK YOU all so much for your words of encouragement. It makes me feel so much better knowing that I have all of you on my side pulling for me. I feel better already. You guys can pm me anytime too if you'd like. I am still going to post my diet and exercise but not get too rigid right now. Baby steps for now I guess. HC that was great advice--keep working out no matter what my diet is like. Too often I sabotage myself with black or white thinking, all or nothing. If my diet wasn't right on then I had to rearrange my workouts or not do them at all. Stopping cardio was a bad move too. I actually like cardio and it does elevate my mood somewhat so I intend to at least do moderate amounts right now. Endorphins, right? IM rocks!!! All you guys are awesome and I sincerely thank you for your support.
12/12/03:
stats:
144.5
tanita:33%
nw=28.5"
rw=30.5"
hp=39"
woke up later than I wanted to but I did 30 mins on the elliptical in the basement. Cardio is definitely not as easy as it was a few months ago due to the extra weight but doing it felt good. meals were:
M1: 1/2 orange, 1 egg, 3 egg whites, 3 HC Sausages, 2 Ultra 40s
M2: 1/2 cup oats, 1 scoop US, glutamine, 2 U40
Workout: Arms, Abs, Calves
M3: 1/2 cup oats, 1 scoop US, 300mg ALA
M4:1 low carb pita, 4 oz turkey
M5:1 cup lf cot cheese, 1 TBL PB
M6:1/2 cup lf cot cheese, chk, ketchup
1499
c:132.5
p:186
f:41
stats:
144.5
tanita:33%
nw=28.5"
rw=30.5"
hp=39"
woke up later than I wanted to but I did 30 mins on the elliptical in the basement. Cardio is definitely not as easy as it was a few months ago due to the extra weight but doing it felt good. meals were:
M1: 1/2 orange, 1 egg, 3 egg whites, 3 HC Sausages, 2 Ultra 40s
M2: 1/2 cup oats, 1 scoop US, glutamine, 2 U40
Workout: Arms, Abs, Calves
M3: 1/2 cup oats, 1 scoop US, 300mg ALA
M4:1 low carb pita, 4 oz turkey
M5:1 cup lf cot cheese, 1 TBL PB
M6:1/2 cup lf cot cheese, chk, ketchup
1499
c:132.5
p:186
f:41
Last edited:
12/13/03:
no workout
woke up 10:45
M1:egg, 3 eggwhites, 3 HC Sausages, sf syrup
M2:2 low carb ww pitas, 1 ff cheese, 3 oz turkey
M3:2 Boca chix, ketchup
M4:1/2 cup lf cottage cheese, 1.5 oz turkey
M5:3 low carb ww pitas, 2 Boca Burgers, ketchup
1492
c=155
p=151.5
f=35
no workout
woke up 10:45
M1:egg, 3 eggwhites, 3 HC Sausages, sf syrup
M2:2 low carb ww pitas, 1 ff cheese, 3 oz turkey
M3:2 Boca chix, ketchup
M4:1/2 cup lf cottage cheese, 1.5 oz turkey
M5:3 low carb ww pitas, 2 Boca Burgers, ketchup
1492
c=155
p=151.5
f=35
12/14/03:
no workout
M1: 1/2 cup oats, 1 tsp PB, 1/4 cup eggwhites
M2: soy pita, 1 ff cheese
M3: 3 ezekiel sesame bread, 1 ff cheese
M4: 2 scoops Ultra Size
M5: 5 low carb pitas (500 cals), 1 ff cheese
M6: 7 slices cinnamon swirl bread, 2 bulkie rolls
2513
c=391.6
p=166.8
f=38.3
no workout
M1: 1/2 cup oats, 1 tsp PB, 1/4 cup eggwhites
M2: soy pita, 1 ff cheese
M3: 3 ezekiel sesame bread, 1 ff cheese
M4: 2 scoops Ultra Size
M5: 5 low carb pitas (500 cals), 1 ff cheese
M6: 7 slices cinnamon swirl bread, 2 bulkie rolls
2513
c=391.6
p=166.8
f=38.3
Last edited:
Meals are looking fab darling! I had a major binge yesterday, ALL DAY! Im feeling rather guilty today. Had a super workout so Im feeling a little better now! Have a wonderful REST day!
Have a wonderful REST day!
hey girl!
meals are looking great! I am so like you in the "all or nothing" "black or white" philosophy of life. With what I eat especially. I try to look at all the positive things though, all the great workouts, and I do eat extremely well most of the time. So when I backslide I think "okay, two steps forward, one step back". At least that way I'm still moving forward. Stay strong, I am here for ya!
meals are looking great! I am so like you in the "all or nothing" "black or white" philosophy of life. With what I eat especially. I try to look at all the positive things though, all the great workouts, and I do eat extremely well most of the time. So when I backslide I think "okay, two steps forward, one step back". At least that way I'm still moving forward. Stay strong, I am here for ya!
Hey girlies
Well I almost totally fell apart yesterday-Sundays are so boring and are the worst. I wanted to binge soooo bad and started to but stopped myself. I seriously could've done a lot more damage but I just kept reminding myself that tomorrow would be better and to just make it through the night because I was doing cardio in the morning no matter what! I was craving that stupid cinnamon swirl bread all day and the second I gave in I found myself thinking hmmmm now that today is shot I might as well have everything I want but I made it through without giving in totally! Maybe this will get easier the more I do it?
I decided to workout Mon-Fri, cardio 4 mornings a week in the morning. Nothing fancy for weights,just lifting intensly and making the most of my time in the gym. I want to hit shoulders twice a week though because I notice that since I have been doing them 2xweek they have responded.
For this week, here is the plan:
Mon
am: cardio 30 min
pm: chest/shoulders/abs
Tues
am: cardio 30 min
pm: quads/calves/abs
Wed
am: cardio 30 min
pm: back/traps/abs
Thurs
am: cardio 30 min
pm: hams/glutes/shoulders/calves
Fri
am: none
pm: triceps/biceps/calves/abs
Sat off
Sun off
Well I almost totally fell apart yesterday-Sundays are so boring and are the worst. I wanted to binge soooo bad and started to but stopped myself. I seriously could've done a lot more damage but I just kept reminding myself that tomorrow would be better and to just make it through the night because I was doing cardio in the morning no matter what! I was craving that stupid cinnamon swirl bread all day and the second I gave in I found myself thinking hmmmm now that today is shot I might as well have everything I want but I made it through without giving in totally! Maybe this will get easier the more I do it?
I decided to workout Mon-Fri, cardio 4 mornings a week in the morning. Nothing fancy for weights,just lifting intensly and making the most of my time in the gym. I want to hit shoulders twice a week though because I notice that since I have been doing them 2xweek they have responded.
For this week, here is the plan:
Mon
am: cardio 30 min
pm: chest/shoulders/abs
Tues
am: cardio 30 min
pm: quads/calves/abs
Wed
am: cardio 30 min
pm: back/traps/abs
Thurs
am: cardio 30 min
pm: hams/glutes/shoulders/calves
Fri
am: none
pm: triceps/biceps/calves/abs
Sat off
Sun off
Calories are WAY TO HIGH...Cut carbs almost in half or you will be sorry. Don't do cardio on leg day may be 10-15 minutes post to losen things up
I know what kinda bread your talking about. My mom tried to make me buy it a few weeks ago-I refused to. I dont eat bread. (unless I had it in the house, then I probably would.) I find that to be the simplest solution-do not buy the crap stuff lessens the temptation. Like Dr. Phil said-"If it was late a night and you were craving chocolate cookies, and you had some in the cubbord, you'd probably eat them-BUT, if you didnt have them in the house, would you drive to the store late at night to buy them????? Probably not" Have a great day!
Have a great day!
calories were too high I know. Gave into temptations
I will switch cardio to Fri mornings instead of Thursdays so I won't be doing it with hams/glutes..thanks Han (you help keep me in check )
Jill-I live with 4 other people, still livin at home until I can save up for a down payment on a condo and get another job. If I was on my own I would never buy bread...cuz I love it too much! I will just have to do my best to avoid it in the meantime.
I will switch cardio to Fri mornings instead of Thursdays so I won't be doing it with hams/glutes..thanks Han (you help keep me in check )Jill-I live with 4 other people, still livin at home until I can save up for a down payment on a condo and get another job. If I was on my own I would never buy bread...cuz I love it too much! I will just have to do my best to avoid it in the meantime.
Mon 12/15/03:
cardio: 30 elliptical
M1: 4 HC Sausages, egg, 3 ew, ketchup, sf syrup
M2: soy pita, cheese
M3: soy pita
workout:chest/shoulders/abs
M4: soy pita, 4.5 oz turkey
M5: 2 ezkl. bread, 2 ff cheese, 1 Lowcarb pita
M6: 3 low carb pitas
1795
c:243
p:170.2
f:18
fiber: 73g
cardio: 30 elliptical
M1: 4 HC Sausages, egg, 3 ew, ketchup, sf syrup
M2: soy pita, cheese
M3: soy pita
workout:chest/shoulders/abs
M4: soy pita, 4.5 oz turkey
M5: 2 ezkl. bread, 2 ff cheese, 1 Lowcarb pita
M6: 3 low carb pitas
1795
c:243
p:170.2
f:18
fiber: 73g
Last edited:
Tues Dec 16:
30 min cardio elliptical
M1: 4 HC sausages, 1 egg, 3 ew, sf syrup
M2: 2 ww low carb pitas, 1 ff cheese
M3: 1 ww low carb pita, 1 ezkl bread, 1 ff cheese
workout: quads/abs/light shoulders
M4: 1/2 cup oats, 1 sc Ultra Size, 3 TBL ew, ALA 300mg
M5: 3 oz cooked ground turkey, 2 ff cheese, salad, 2 TBL ff rasp. vinegrette
M6: 3 oz cooked ground turkey, 2 ff cheese, salad, 2 TBL ff rasp. vinegrette
1505.3
c=138.5
p=140.7
f=41
fiber=55
30 min cardio elliptical
M1: 4 HC sausages, 1 egg, 3 ew, sf syrup
M2: 2 ww low carb pitas, 1 ff cheese
M3: 1 ww low carb pita, 1 ezkl bread, 1 ff cheese
workout: quads/abs/light shoulders
M4: 1/2 cup oats, 1 sc Ultra Size, 3 TBL ew, ALA 300mg
M5: 3 oz cooked ground turkey, 2 ff cheese, salad, 2 TBL ff rasp. vinegrette
M6: 3 oz cooked ground turkey, 2 ff cheese, salad, 2 TBL ff rasp. vinegrette
1505.3
c=138.5
p=140.7
f=41
fiber=55
Wed Dec 17th:
30 min cardio
M1:4 HC Sausages, 1 egg, 3 ew
M2:2 scoops Ultra Size
M3ita, ff cheese, 1/4 lf cottage cheese
workout: Back/Traps/Calves/Abs
M4ita bread, 1/2 lf cottage cheese
M5uffed wheat cereal, 1/2 cup egg whites
Totals:
1865.3
c=263
p=156.7
f=23.5
he he...i don't know what's going on with my p's!!!
30 min cardio
M1:4 HC Sausages, 1 egg, 3 ew
M2:2 scoops Ultra Size
M3
ita, ff cheese, 1/4 lf cottage cheeseworkout: Back/Traps/Calves/Abs
M4
ita bread, 1/2 lf cottage cheeseM5
uffed wheat cereal, 1/2 cup egg whitesTotals:
1865.3
c=263
p=156.7
f=23.5
he he...i don't know what's going on with my p's!!!
Last edited:
If you are going to cheat do it after a cardio workout drop the protein by1/2-1/3 and fat low as possible and goto town till about 3-5 pm and then go back to proitein and greens (lower caloires). Not saying to splurge but do it in a controlled matter and crank in ALA at every meal to prevernt over spill. I'm saying blast shit but keep protrein very low and fat as well. and goto town on carbs take 500 mgs ALA as precaution at each high carb meal with 500 mcgs biotin. Next meal after last splurge wait untill alittle while and then hit a weight training session and watch how strong you will be ..
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