Hey Tony...nice plan you have going there. 
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- Thread starter fantasma62
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Tomorrow will be a really tough day for my family. My mother is going to undergo a double masectomy. Thanks to stupid chemicals my mother was prescribed, she contracted breast cancer. I can't begin to tell you how relieved I was when I found out that it was contained and would not spread. However, just in case, they will remove both breasts.
I have been carrying this inside me for over 3 months since she was first diagnosed. I have been a rock to my family and I am proud of that because I have been steady as a rock. But when I'm alone I just want to scream. I want to break something, beat down someone (namely the doctor who prescribed a hormone that causes this), I want to cry from frustration. I feel hatred and at the same time I feel helpless, as if I can do nothing more than pray that all goes well.
As of tomorrow, I will need all the strength that I don't have because my family, no, my mother needs me and I can't show how much I am really hurting inside. My eyes need to be dry when she cries and that will show that everything is going to be Ok, that there is nothing but optimism. But I will also know how much pain she's going to go thru. Mental and physical. She will undergo 4-6 chemo cycles. She will be weak and will be sick. She will not be herself until around November. This is eating me inside. I am fooling everyone. My wife doesn't know how I feel, my family is oblivious to this. How long can I last like this? This sucks and I am tired of feeling like this because all I can think of is that I wish it was not her. I wish it was me. I am strong enough, I am pure power, I am unbreakable, and I am not scared of jack shit. The only thing that I am afraid of now, is when my mother looks at herself after surgery and that she will cry. No my fear is not her crying, my fear is that I will also cry...
I have been carrying this inside me for over 3 months since she was first diagnosed. I have been a rock to my family and I am proud of that because I have been steady as a rock. But when I'm alone I just want to scream. I want to break something, beat down someone (namely the doctor who prescribed a hormone that causes this), I want to cry from frustration. I feel hatred and at the same time I feel helpless, as if I can do nothing more than pray that all goes well.
As of tomorrow, I will need all the strength that I don't have because my family, no, my mother needs me and I can't show how much I am really hurting inside. My eyes need to be dry when she cries and that will show that everything is going to be Ok, that there is nothing but optimism. But I will also know how much pain she's going to go thru. Mental and physical. She will undergo 4-6 chemo cycles. She will be weak and will be sick. She will not be herself until around November. This is eating me inside. I am fooling everyone. My wife doesn't know how I feel, my family is oblivious to this. How long can I last like this? This sucks and I am tired of feeling like this because all I can think of is that I wish it was not her. I wish it was me. I am strong enough, I am pure power, I am unbreakable, and I am not scared of jack shit. The only thing that I am afraid of now, is when my mother looks at herself after surgery and that she will cry. No my fear is not her crying, my fear is that I will also cry...
Tony ,
sorry to hear about your mom . but don't worry about crying big guy
If you don't cry , that would be unusual .
sorry to hear about your mom . but don't worry about crying big guy
If you don't cry , that would be unusual .
Good morning Tony,
I'm very sorry to hear about your mom, but if your she stays positive about this whole procedure, she WILL beat this because of her strength to do so. My thoughts and prayers are with the both of you. Please, if this is the only way to express your feelings, don't be afraid of writing in your journal. Everyone is here to support you.
Now think happy thoughts!
I'm very sorry to hear about your mom, but if your she stays positive about this whole procedure, she WILL beat this because of her strength to do so. My thoughts and prayers are with the both of you. Please, if this is the only way to express your feelings, don't be afraid of writing in your journal. Everyone is here to support you.
Now think happy thoughts!
Thanks Gdub and Diana.
I needed that as a release since I don't actually have a punching bag at home to beat down and I would never take it out on my family, not even an option.
I slept better last night after I wrote this. It does help to write and let out....
I needed that as a release since I don't actually have a punching bag at home to beat down and I would never take it out on my family, not even an option.
I slept better last night after I wrote this. It does help to write and let out....
Sorry to hear about all this Tony. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your Mother.
Just came back from the hospital. The surgery had to be postponed until the 25th because she had a cut in her hand and the doctors were afraid that it may get infected. I am not sure why, but that's a bad thing if you have no lymph nodes, which will be taken out with the surgery.
Thanks, Rock for your concern and your thoughts.
Thanks, Rock for your concern and your thoughts.
The lymph nodes act as kinda a flushing system for the body. Anything found in the blood that's not supposed to be there get's flushed out through the lymph nodes or something like that. Pretty important.fantasma62 said:
Holy Shit!!!! No wonder....thanks for the explanation...rock4832 said:
Folks, just one thing that I want to say before I go on with my day today.
Earlier today Mr. NT read a post that I made regarding marital cheating. Please understand that I have never taken the Sex forum seriously and that I do not nor will I ever condone cheating. I have had people close to me cheated on and it is a very destructive thing to do. I have also had friends who have helped the women cheat on their husbands/boyfriends and I have seen the destruction that they have caused to families.
I don't have that example in my home from anyone in my family. My parents are married, my grandparents are married, my aunts and uncles are married and even my older cousins are married with no cheating known about them.
NT, please don't ever take a post I make in the Sex forums seriously. The way I am feeling lately, I need something to make me laugh a little bit and post irreverent shit in there....
I do take seriously the acquaintances that I have made here and do have an image to uphold as a father, husband, friend, fantasma62
Earlier today Mr. NT read a post that I made regarding marital cheating. Please understand that I have never taken the Sex forum seriously and that I do not nor will I ever condone cheating. I have had people close to me cheated on and it is a very destructive thing to do. I have also had friends who have helped the women cheat on their husbands/boyfriends and I have seen the destruction that they have caused to families.
I don't have that example in my home from anyone in my family. My parents are married, my grandparents are married, my aunts and uncles are married and even my older cousins are married with no cheating known about them.
NT, please don't ever take a post I make in the Sex forums seriously. The way I am feeling lately, I need something to make me laugh a little bit and post irreverent shit in there....
I do take seriously the acquaintances that I have made here and do have an image to uphold as a father, husband, friend, fantasma62
Hi folks,
My next post in this journal will include my first workout (hopefully). I will be doing HIT and Max OT cardio this week. Well the jury is still out on the cardio part. I understand that HIT is so intense, that I may not have enough energy left during the week for cardio.
We'll see.....
L8tr
My next post in this journal will include my first workout (hopefully). I will be doing HIT and Max OT cardio this week. Well the jury is still out on the cardio part. I understand that HIT is so intense, that I may not have enough energy left during the week for cardio.
We'll see.....
L8tr
Go Tonyfantasma62 said:
Weight: 270 pounds.....270 freaking pounds
Need to get to work....
Today as I said, I will begin with HIT. It should be quick and PAINFUL...
Either way, I lied, I said that my next post would be my workout, but that won't happen 'till tonight....
Oh boy, this is going to hurt quite a bit....je je
Need to get to work....
Today as I said, I will begin with HIT. It should be quick and PAINFUL...
Either way, I lied, I said that my next post would be my workout, but that won't happen 'till tonight....
Oh boy, this is going to hurt quite a bit....je je
I'll drink an extra serving of Cytomax in honor of your impending soreness
GW: What's Cytomax? If it takes away soreness, let me know, because I was drinking ICE but it tastes like pure crap...
I just finished taking my first photos and OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What the hell happened to me? I have put on 18 pounds since I hurt my shoulder. It's so annoying, but oh well, what am I going to do. More work than I thought I would have to do but it's got to be done.
Anyway, I will post this photos when the time is right. It is really embarrasing. I can't believe that I have walked around like that at the beach
What the hell happened to me? I have put on 18 pounds since I hurt my shoulder. It's so annoying, but oh well, what am I going to do. More work than I thought I would have to do but it's got to be done.
Anyway, I will post this photos when the time is right. It is really embarrasing. I can't believe that I have walked around like that at the beach
This got reposted.....
Today was very uneventful. I did not work out because I had forgotten that my therapist told me to strengthen the shoulder the days I wasn't working out and my day with her is wednesday, so I have to do this on tuesdays, thursdays and sats, until my therapy sessions are done and over with. I'll probably make a change later....
For the time being, I am following Dr. Darden's diet from his HIT book. We'll see how that goes....
For the time being, I am following Dr. Darden's diet from his HIT book. We'll see how that goes....
Tony,fantasma62 said:
ICE is about the same has a few extra things I think .
http://www.cytosport.com/products/cytomax.html helps to reduce lactic acid build up . Works for me . Just starting up again like you are it won't totally eliminate it but it will sure reduce it . Then after you are back in the swing of things it will help to the point where you don't notice the soreness anymore after your workouts ( At least from the lactic acid ) Works for me . I love the stuff . I use the tropical flavor tastes good !
Great, thanks a bunch Gdub....gwcaton said:
On another front, I am a little skeptical about the diet to follow in Dr. Darden's HIT book and website. I can't get on it (register) to ask questions, so I am going to hold off on the diet until I get a better idea. His idea is a 1500 calories, high carb, low fat and protein diet. What I don't understand is how a high carb diet can help me. I've read many people for whom this has worked. The question that I have is whether this is something that will become a long term weight loss and maintenance or just an immediate loss...
Anyone that has worked on Dr. Darden's HIT please respond.....
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I was reading a little more about the 1500 calorie, carb based diet and it literally scared me. See, it looked like it worked for everyone that tried it, however, after you lose the weight, you have to buy another book to see the type of diet you want to use. I like Dr. Darden's HIT routines, but I am not a big fan of his diet style, I'd much rather go with the bread and butter (not literally) 40/40/20 as per Jodi's advice. I won't lose the fat as fast, but I am sure not to gain it, as I start tweaking the caloric intake little by little....
We'll see. No workout today thanks to my kids making me sick now. I got their cold and I have absolutely no energy...This sucks. I was really looking forward to starting HIT. As soon as this cold gets better, I am hitting the gym hard. Tomorrow's therapy session will be cancelled, thanks to the cold. I don't want to give it to anyone else. I'll move it to friday...
We'll see. No workout today thanks to my kids making me sick now. I got their cold and I have absolutely no energy...This sucks. I was really looking forward to starting HIT. As soon as this cold gets better, I am hitting the gym hard. Tomorrow's therapy session will be cancelled, thanks to the cold. I don't want to give it to anyone else. I'll move it to friday...
Man, Murphy is still hanging around....He must really like my cooking...
As we thought we were done with my mother's cancer problem, or at least knew that it could be solved, something else pops up. Now they have found a rare type of skin cancer on her right hand. According to the Doctor, this is an aggressive type of cancer. Isn't this wonderful freaking news? Well, they think they got it as it was small like a mosquito bite, in fact, this is the famous mosquito bite that suspended the surgery. It turns out, it was no mosquito. Now she's having the full mastectomy on the 25th along with the removal of all lymph nodes in her right arm. Things have been tough lately and I haven't been around as much as I thought I would, but I guess I'll do my best by writing here. Those who want to know what's up, just read up....
I'll be back....
As we thought we were done with my mother's cancer problem, or at least knew that it could be solved, something else pops up. Now they have found a rare type of skin cancer on her right hand. According to the Doctor, this is an aggressive type of cancer. Isn't this wonderful freaking news? Well, they think they got it as it was small like a mosquito bite, in fact, this is the famous mosquito bite that suspended the surgery. It turns out, it was no mosquito. Now she's having the full mastectomy on the 25th along with the removal of all lymph nodes in her right arm. Things have been tough lately and I haven't been around as much as I thought I would, but I guess I'll do my best by writing here. Those who want to know what's up, just read up....
I'll be back....
Damn Tony ,
Hang in there Buddy !
Hang in there Buddy !
I hope things will get better for your mom, Tony. Just hang in there.
Thanks Gary and Diana.
Well, today I worked from home. Those who know me also know how much I hate to not be at my desk in my office. I don't like to waste time.
Well, since I have a cold, again, I can't get near my parents because they can't get sick. My mother gets a cold and there are major troubles, as she is going to be hit with chemo after the surgery and her defenses will be low. So now, I have to stay away. This is a very "SUCK" situation because my family is very close. I mean, close as in we all see each other all the time (aunts, uncles, cousins, parents), or at least those who live here in the US. Now this.....
Oh well, at least I am getting better and stronger, since the cold zapped the energy out of me and I want to start working hard as soon as possible, I however, make no promises....
Have a great night ya'll
Well, today I worked from home. Those who know me also know how much I hate to not be at my desk in my office. I don't like to waste time.
Well, since I have a cold, again, I can't get near my parents because they can't get sick. My mother gets a cold and there are major troubles, as she is going to be hit with chemo after the surgery and her defenses will be low. So now, I have to stay away. This is a very "SUCK" situation because my family is very close. I mean, close as in we all see each other all the time (aunts, uncles, cousins, parents), or at least those who live here in the US. Now this.....
Oh well, at least I am getting better and stronger, since the cold zapped the energy out of me and I want to start working hard as soon as possible, I however, make no promises....
Have a great night ya'll
Well folks, my mother's surgery was a success today.
The bad, both breasts were removed. The good is that the surgery went as it should have gone and as of right now, she's got no cancer now. So now we've got to wait to see how the radiation/chemotherapy work out.
On another post, today my wife's grandmother was diagnosed with colon cancer. The good news is that it's not the aggressive type, so we hope all will be well....
Take care folks....
The bad, both breasts were removed. The good is that the surgery went as it should have gone and as of right now, she's got no cancer now. So now we've got to wait to see how the radiation/chemotherapy work out.
On another post, today my wife's grandmother was diagnosed with colon cancer. The good news is that it's not the aggressive type, so we hope all will be well....
Take care folks....
Tony,
I am so sorry to hear that your mom and grandmother are going through a rough patch. The good news (if there is any), is that the procedure should have gotten all of the cancer, and she CAN have reconstructive surgery. I sincerely believe that true beauty comes from within. Your mom is still your mom, irrespective of what may be going on with her body. Hang in there! You are a very strong person.
On another note, don't worry about the weight. It will come off. Focus on getting back to your working out regimen. You were doing great before, and I fully expect to see great things with you again. [And I can relate only too well, to being horrified... I was trying to get down to 220 by this week (powerlifting meet this weekend)... anyway, it just didn't f'n happen, so I have to lift at 242 weight class, which means I won't even be remotely competitive.... oh well, life happens!]
-Dan
I am so sorry to hear that your mom and grandmother are going through a rough patch. The good news (if there is any), is that the procedure should have gotten all of the cancer, and she CAN have reconstructive surgery. I sincerely believe that true beauty comes from within. Your mom is still your mom, irrespective of what may be going on with her body. Hang in there! You are a very strong person.
On another note, don't worry about the weight. It will come off. Focus on getting back to your working out regimen. You were doing great before, and I fully expect to see great things with you again. [And I can relate only too well, to being horrified... I was trying to get down to 220 by this week (powerlifting meet this weekend)... anyway, it just didn't f'n happen, so I have to lift at 242 weight class, which means I won't even be remotely competitive.... oh well, life happens!]
-Dan
Hey Dan, thanks for your words. They do mean a lot.
It's sad that I have been using what I thougth would be a strictly training journal for bitching and complaining.
I can only imagine what the rest of the folks are thinking. Believe me, I think it too: "Again? another problem? What a whiner...."
I am going to give it my best to stick to HIT as soon as I recover. The doctor finally gave me antibiotics. The amazing thing, this is the same cold that I caught in November of last year.......LOL
It's sad that I have been using what I thougth would be a strictly training journal for bitching and complaining.
I can only imagine what the rest of the folks are thinking. Believe me, I think it too: "Again? another problem? What a whiner...."
I am going to give it my best to stick to HIT as soon as I recover. The doctor finally gave me antibiotics. The amazing thing, this is the same cold that I caught in November of last year.......LOL
I am closing this, my most unsuccessful journal.
I have opened a new one in the IM Competition Forum.
I have begun training and will be "journalizing" in my new journal....
I have opened a new one in the IM Competition Forum.
I have begun training and will be "journalizing" in my new journal....
