Heart crushing constant anxiety.

[Pipboy]

My girlfriend went out of state to visit family and friends (some of whom i really, really, dislike). We parted on a sour note, and it's been up and down since she left. Infrequent calls, arguements, but then sweetness.

Since she's left I've had constant, crushing anxiety and I can't get over it. This has never happened before. My chest is tight, my heart heavy, I can't sleep without the help of sleep-aides and I can't hold down any food.

I've tried to busy myself with anything and everything but my mind wanders and the anxiety attacks come back with full force.

I don't know how much longer I can handle this and I'm completely clueless as to what to do. She's gone another 5 days and it's hard, hard. She's the love of my life (5 years, been together 16 months, lived together for five).

How do I get over the anxiety? It's destroying me.

 

[GFR]

#1. How old are you
#2. How long have you two been dating
#3. You should consider some profesional help

 

[Tatyana]

Aaaaaaaaaah Bless, you are going through withdrawl!

Get some valerian tincture, and Bach Flower Rescue Remedy and some good dark chocolate.

x
x
x

T

 

[hardasnails1973]

If it gets to the point where it is interferring in your daily lives then there needs to be intervention either. Aspen is suppose to be good for lost heart and sleep, but again it is on people testimony not scientific evidence. Your going through slight with drawl like tayana said so. Practice proper sleep hygiene would be first priorty and to possible start hanging out with your guy freinds. I have been down this road before and worst thing you can do is isolate your self because it will only drive you deeper in a hole making harder to get out. Talk it out will help alot even if it is with a stranger . Never know you might meet some one else in the mean time. Long distance relationships are tough, but they can work. In my expereince I prefer the 25mile rule.

 

[Trouble]

*rolling eyes* Foreman, he said he's been with her for over 5 years. Long enough to be very attached, deeply in love with her.

Tatyana's recommendations are as good as it gets. You need to start reading up on relaxation and meditation practices, and begin to use them in earnst. While it is good to be invested in another, its become just a tad obsessive. The fact that you really don't like these people she is visiting - perhaps there is a bit of jealousy-driven anxiety? - adds to this extreme tension you are feeling, Pip.

You can drive away that which you desire most, if you smother and attempt to control what is not yours to control. The sourness, think on this. Why it arose, what it portends, below the surface.

On this, I agree with Foreman and HAN. A litte professional help, in the form of couples counseling, might not be a bad idea.

Also, I want you to take the personality type test. Have your girl do the same. You might be surprised about what is revealed about each of you. Let it help guide you to see how each of you may differ in your internal chemistry, what I call 'hardwiring'. I'll bet you have differences in how you judge and react to each other, how you communicate. Learning of these differences, which are by no means easy patterns to discern when you are close to others, can be a valuable tool for finding new ways to adapt to, and reconcile individual traits. Its best not to loose individuality. It happens, and can cause much subtle unhappiness when the personal costs are high.

Do not buy crappy cheap chocolate. Its just not that theraputic. Buy the best you can find, a high coco percentage, lightly sweetned dark chocolate.

Sharfenburger, Lindt..even Giradelli will suffice. No Hersheys. Blah!

 

[GFR]

*rolling eyes* Trouble, love has nothing to do with it.


(5 years, been together 16 months, lived together for five).
5 years or 16 months???? Not sure what he is saying there.

 

[Trouble]

Foreman, love has everything to do with it. This is about the chemistry of love and its ability to overshadow every aspect of life, when it and oxytocin, plus a host of other feelgood hormones are evident in the chemistry between two lovers.

The time together *is* relevant, but he clearly says they have been together for 5 yrs. This is not a case of casual lust, this is the action of PEA.

Have you never felt this special chemistry, ForemanRules?

Those who have known it, even for a short while, understand me, when I repeat a well known adage:

"Better to have loved and lost, then never loved at all".

It is an unforgettable influence on one's life.

 

[GFR]

I disagree 100%, love is not about having anxiety attacks when your lover is gone a week or two. Love is about friendship, trust, a partnership and respect. This sounds more like a unhealthy addiction or insecurity issues.

Other than that I find your post to me condescending and uncalled for.

 

[Pipboy]

21y/o, been in love for 5 years, "officially" together 16months, living together for five. I apologize for the confusion. (Distance seperated us in the beginning).

I thank you for the advice, Tatyana, Hardasnails, and Trouble. I will look for those products now, shops should still be open.

I think it's mostly my imagination going overboard and causing me to lose control over myself. I don't doubt her loyalty to me, but I'm afraid, irrationally, that she'd do something to get back at me for something bad I might have done.

It's all nuts.
Professional help is probably a good idea.

 

[BigDyl]

My girlfriend went out of state to visit family and friends (some of whom i really, really, dislike). We parted on a sour note, and it's been up and down since she left. Infrequent calls, arguements, but then sweetness.

Since she's left I've had constant, crushing anxiety and I can't get over it. This has never happened before. My chest is tight, my heart heavy, I can't sleep without the help of sleep-aides and I can't hold down any food.

I've tried to busy myself with anything and everything but my mind wanders and the anxiety attacks come back with full force.

I don't know how much longer I can handle this and I'm completely clueless as to what to do. She's gone another 5 days and it's hard, hard. She's the love of my life (5 years, been together 16 months, lived together for five).

How do I get over the anxiety? It's destroying me.

You have to see her face to face again.


That's your medication.

 

[hardasnails1973]

Might not be bad idea to get a Dog take it for a walk. Not saying letting it be a substitute, but it will help take mind off things for a bit. I know this is hard to do but my personality I have tendency to fall in love too quick and miss person even 2 days. Easiest way i get over it is to forget about her because I know she is coming back. Some times we get our selves all worked up over the littliest things and in the end is it really worth our health. Yes my GF is in another country on business, but few days I was hovering on computer wandering when she was going to talk to me or email me. After 2 days of this I could start to feel my symptoms coming back and I decided the best thing to do is to tell myself "She will get back to me when she has time" and not to worry because it was only making things worse and it was not worth jeopardizing my health over something so trival. Since I did that i feel much better. I guess its just having the mentality to take control of the situations and not let it dictate you.

 

[Trouble]

I disagree 100%, love is not about having anxiety attacks when your lover is gone a week or two. Love is about friendship, trust, a partnership and respect. This sounds more like a unhealthy addiction or insecurity issues.

Other than that I find your post to me condescending and uncalled for.

There is a little addiction, and like all addictions, there is neurological chemistry behind it.

There is nothing condescending about my post, Foreman. It was a mildly worded question in the midst of general observations, comments not even aimed at you.

That you find my post bothersome is in itself noteworthy...and answers my question.

 

[GFR]

That is even more condescending than the last one. I think the fact that I disagree with you bothers you a great deal, most likely because my observations on his thread are accurate.

 

[hardasnails1973]

That is even more condescending than the last one. I think the fact that I disagree with you bothers you a great deal, most likely because my observations on his thread are accurate.

Them figtnin words

 

[GFR]

21y/o, been in love for 5 years, "officially" together 16months, living together for five. I apologize for the confusion. (Distance seperated us in the beginning).

I thank you for the advice, Tatyana, Hardasnails, and Trouble. I will look for those products now, shops should still be open.

I think it's mostly my imagination going overboard and causing me to lose control over myself. I don't doubt her loyalty to me, but I'm afraid, irrationally, that she'd do something to get back at me for something bad I might have done.

It's all nuts.
Professional help is probably a good idea.

Well I have to say the fact that you were in love with her for over 3 years before you two became a couple is disturbing, why did you wait so long? Also living with a woman when you are around 20 is a huge mistake . Most people are not formed till 25 or over so right now you need to be single, date many people and work on building your own life up.

You need to concentrate on school or your career and forget about this stuff for awhile. It is clear you need to break up with this woman and move on and take the steps to become a man.

 

[hardasnails1973]

Well I have to say the fact that you were in love with her for over 3 years before you two became a couple is disturbing, why did you wait so long? Also living with a woman when you are around 20 is a huge mistake . Most people are not formed till 25 or over so right now you need to be single, date many people and work on building your own life up.

You need to concentrate on school or your career and forget about this stuff for awhile. It is clear you need to break up with this woman and move on and take the steps to become a man.

TRue majority of people when they are at that age are wanting to nail anything they comes their way, but there are a few that want to start relationship when they are younger. For example I am sure in troubles generation or even my parents alot of them were married by age 21 or 22 and there marriages were successful unlike divorace rate of today is what 70%. Some times it can work and its something that they need to sort out and expereince for them selves.

 

[The Monkey Man]

I had a nervous breakdown a few years ago,

Caused by JOB stress

I didn't even realize that I was depressed or suffering from anxiety
(I guess my mind doesn't work like that)

I went to my doctor because I was vomiting and couldn't leave the house
I had shakes and chills... I told the doctor I had the FLU

After he examined me, he told me there was nothing physically wrong
with me... He gave me ZOLOFT which stopped all the anxiety instantly

However, was unable to function on the drug

This drug ZOMBIFY's you, I had no depressing feelings
I had no happy feelings either

I would not condone the general or extended use of this drug, however
if you try homeopathic remedies and still have strong symptoms
you may have to use similar chemicals

My overall cure was to ween myself slowly off the drug and
learn to recognize the symptoms of anxiety and depression
before they became overwhelming

Knowing your problem is half the battle

Concentrate on the moment...

Its time for bed now / go to sleep, don't think of anything but relaxing sleep
(losing sleep will cause a domino effect, magnifying the pains)

Its time for workout / think of nothing but workout

Your GF is your love / think of her, but do it positively, think of the good things

always smile... its not really that bad

This sounds stupid and I used to get stressed and angry because I knew
it was all in my head
it really is all in your head, you are making this happen
It is you who has to fix it

In the meantime occupy yourself with relaxing activities you enjoy


GOOD LUCK

 

[Jodi]

Dare I say this........... I agree with Foreman!

Facts:
1. 21 years old
2. Living together
3. Attached
4. There have been problems

Probabilities:
1. She was his first lover - Did you wait for her?
2. Jealousy
3. Addicted

So here are my thoughts.......21 years old is too young to be in such a serious relationship. You sound more like you are infatuated than in love. You say you trust her, but then you say you are afraid she will do something out of revenge?

Professional help is definately your best answer. You need this time away from her to establish yourself again. Lose some of the co-dependancy and live for yourself, not for her. I think you have developed anxiety because you are afraid she might find someone better than you because you've spent so much time wanting to be with her. Of course, I don't know for sure because I don't know if she waited for you or you waited for her.

You are young, you both need to grow independantly and together and live for youself before living for each other. Get your life in order first. Go to school, get a career, develop and grow. You will grow together too and then you can truly love each other for who you are.

 

[Trouble]

While it maybe prudent to wait if you are emotionally immature, many young couples who fail to form a lasting bond do so because of a lack of coherent values (match in basic values). Those who sow wild oats for too long, find themselves stuck in playa mentality, unable to form an attachment to a potential mate because they are innured in a complascent lifestyle of self gratification. As you progress through your 20s, while you gain emotional maturity, you also loose pattern elasticity, needed to as a give and take mechanism when you fit your lifestyle preferences into a a live-in relationship.

There is no indicator here that these two (Pipboy and his girl) are mismatched. He is a little unsure of himself, but openminded and overall, sounds as though he is well matched (from what little we know) in this relationship.

Speaking of being condescending: "You need to concentrate on school or your career and forget about this stuff for awhile. It is clear you need to break up with this woman and move on and take the steps to become a man."

You, Foreman, are the King of Condescension .

 

[Pipboy]

I am not breaking up with her. That is not an option. Not an option.
Most people want to sex everything that moves. I don't. I'm extremely happy with my girlfriend, I love her with all of my heart. She's my one. Nothing happened the prior three years because we were too young to do anything about it. My career is underway, I start the police academy on the 12th. I'm a college graduate. History major, hehe.

Just because I have an issue with being away from her doesn't mean I'm not ready to love or be loved. This anxiety is out of my control, and I can't help it. I'm trying, but as Hard said, the only cure is to see her face again.

Hard, I'm trying to take control. This is the first time in my life I have ever been OUT of control. I'm a risk taker, and adrenaline junky, and I've never balked at anything. I never got any sort of performance anxiety. But this girl, this girl manages to bring me to my knees.

 

[BigDyl]

Dare I say this........... I agree with Foreman!

 

[The Monkey Man]

Dare I say this........... I agree with Foreman!

 

[Trouble]

Think on that statement about being the adrenaline junkie. It goes along with the excessive anxiety you are feeling at being separated from your girl for a longer period of time than you have experienced (before now).

Think also on your career choice (not saying its bad, just indicative) and of your need to be an authority and in control. Risk taking speaks to a certain personality type; it has its strengths and weaknesses. You will understand when you take the personality type test, Pipboy.

 

[Pipboy]

ISFJ
Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Strength of the preferences %
44 38 25 33

# moderately expressed introvert
# moderately expressed sensing personality
# moderately expressed feeling personality
# moderately expressed judging personality

 

[GFR]

You, Foreman, are the King of Condescension .

So

 

[Pipboy]

She cheated on me.
She cheated on me.
She cheated on me.

She really did it.

 

[Trouble]

What??

Pipboy, are you being a little paranoid or are you flipping out?

(if that sounds heartless, its not intended to be..your personality type tends to be suspicious, which is why its commoly seen in those who enter law enforcement careers).

 

[AKIRA]

Yeah, I am not understanding the last statement either, but Ill take it as it is printed in black and white.

Fuck her.

And Foremanrules is right about a few things. His delivery is harder than you need to hear, but in hindsight (my case) its spot on.

I suffer from anxiety dissorder and quite honestly, I wished I was never given this label. The first time I had a panic/anxiety attack, it was so severe that I feared the next time it came up. I never had anything that really triggered it. However, its almost always related to some sort of alcohol (not when I get drunk, but when I come off of it).

EITHER WAY...

You certainly do not want to feel like this again right? Well, thats where Monkey's advice comes in perfectly. When you get used to these feelings (they will prolly return, but always remember, they always go away too), youre going to have to be aware of when these feelings are starting to come up again.

Breathe extra slowly. And I mean slow. Concentrate on the breathing. And I mean CONCENTRATE. Your mind in manifesting feelings of fear. You have to reset your mind at this point and calm the fuck down. When you breathe and really pay attention to it (concentrate is the KEY WORD), youll notice your heart rate going down and when that goes down, everything else relaxes as well. Its actually pretty hard to do, but all this shit is imaginative, none of it is going to hurt you. So if your mind can make up these fears, its got the power to eliminate them too.

Ive been on prozoc and effecxor (sp?) and none of that shit really worked. So I dropped it (eased off of it really) and instead of thinking the problem was going to go away, I decided to 'deal' with it. I have a slight "tick" that isnt going to go away, so I have to make sure I know how to handle it when I lose control.

ANY GIRL is not worth that shit. I never want to geel that way again as it really feels like its killing you. However, if you have love in your system, it makes this extra hard, but always remember you are no co-dependent. You arent going to die if she breaks up with you. The sun will come up again tomorrow and a girl is truly nothing to lose your health about. Dont just read this shit, believe it.

 

[Trouble]

Good advice here on anxiety management from you and MM, Akira.

Maybe best not to jump to conclusions until Pipboy returns to clarify his alarming post.

 

[hardasnails1973]

She cheated on me.
She cheated on me.
She cheated on me.

She really did it.

Are you speculating or did she tell you herself ? I learned that untill one hears it straight from the other person then its all just hear say. You can speculate all you want which is only adding more to your anxiety which is not a healthy behavior. Your only feeding the anxiety.

If she did cheat on you do not think it is something that you did or your fault that is the worst thing you can do. I have been in your shoes before running a thousands questions through my head wanting to know an answer that you will never truly get. We have a tendency to self blame our selves when really its the other person. Just curious Are you adopted or raised by single parent? My one freind pointed out childern that are adopted tend to seek out the feelings of acceptence that they were wanting from their birth mother. When there is a question I will want to know the answer to it and will goto the ends of the earth to get it. This is one of the reason i never went to see my birthmother because instead of getting answer I will only creating more questions. Having addicted personality i would not stop until those questrions are answered. It would cause I viscious cycle that would cause disruption in my life. She also pointed out that another guy she knows who is adopted always trys to the best he can be at everything and the reasoning for this is we are just looking for acceptence my people. And thats all i ever wanted in life was acceptence nothing else.

Trouble could you possible elaborate on how adopted childerns behavior differ from normal birth. i would be curious to know because it could shed light on alot of my behavior patterns. I wonder if adopted or abdandon childern during birth would more suspectable to Dna splicing. That be an interesting theory.