How to deal with jealousy?

[dantbfan713]

The way I look at it is that age and experience shouldnt matter. Each person is different, and each situation is different. Any outsider can have opinions on another person's relationship and may have been through similar relationships to gain expeiences on, but no one is ever going to be 100 % right on a situation they arnt apart of.

With that said, No I never was, am not and never will be any type of wife beater. Id soon enough break up with her than ever hit her because I hold high morlas and respect for women.

I kinda chuckled when Jodi said she should run as far away from me as she can because I love her to death and im glad shes attached, but again I got a chuckle because I feel like i couldnt get her to leave me even if I begged her too. Thats how dedicated she is to getting married, and being with me.

For whoever said is she my first or am I her first. Yes and No. Ive had several other short term relationships that involved a little bit of forplay, but never got to sex. So yes she is my first sex wise, but it doesnt even feel like it since weve been dating for 15 months and been having sex for 12 of them. She on the other hand was not a virgin, she says shes been with 3 others. Remember shes 22, im 20.

After this weekend things went perfect and everything is on track good. We had no problems and no jealousy or arguing, but typically all it takes is a small flame starts, and it doesnt take long to turn into an explosion. On both ends, I do get upset and jealous like I started in my opening post, but she gets extreamly jealous if any other women get involved too. I guess we are so used to eachother because we made a BIG mistake of blocking everyone else out and being with eachother almost every day and definatly every weekend for the first 12 of 15 months.

As for marrying the person I first had sex with, im torn. I cant lie, there is part of me which sometimes feels "the grass is greener on the other side" and that I should expeirence and take advantage of being young and nowadays marrying and sleeping with one person is pretty rare. I would feel a lot better about doing that if I was her first too, but since im not it makes it even harder. Where the other part comes in though is id never ever cheat on her so id definatly have to break up with her, and thats not something I want to do. So unless we have a big fall out its hard to vision myself "sleeping" with anyone else.

 

[JordanMang]

The way I look at it is that age and experience shouldnt matter. Each person is different, and each situation is different. Any outsider can have opinions on another person's relationship and may have been through similar relationships to gain expeiences on, but no one is ever going to be 100 % right on a situation they arnt apart of.

With that said, No I never was, am not and never will be any type of wife beater. Id soon enough break up with her than ever hit her because I hold high morlas and respect for women.

I kinda chuckled when Jodi said she should run as far away from me as she can because I love her to death and im glad shes attached, but again I got a chuckle because I feel like i couldnt get her to leave me even if I begged her too. Thats how dedicated she is to getting married, and being with me.

For whoever said is she my first or am I her first. Yes and No. Ive had several other short term relationships that involved a little bit of forplay, but never got to sex. So yes she is my first sex wise, but it doesnt even feel like it since weve been dating for 15 months and been having sex for 12 of them. She on the other hand was not a virgin, she says shes been with 3 others. Remember shes 22, im 20.

After this weekend things went perfect and everything is on track good. We had no problems and no jealousy or arguing, but typically all it takes is a small flame starts, and it doesnt take long to turn into an explosion. On both ends, I do get upset and jealous like I started in my opening post, but she gets extreamly jealous if any other women get involved too. I guess we are so used to eachother because we made a BIG mistake of blocking everyone else out and being with eachother almost every day and definatly every weekend for the first 12 of 15 months.

As for marrying the person I first had sex with, im torn. I cant lie, there is part of me which sometimes feels "the grass is greener on the other side" and that I should expeirence and take advantage of being young and nowadays marrying and sleeping with one person is pretty rare. I would feel a lot better about doing that if I was her first too, but since im not it makes it even harder. Where the other part comes in though is id never ever cheat on her so id definatly have to break up with her, and thats not something I want to do. So unless we have a big fall out its hard to vision myself "sleeping" with anyone else.

Do what you feel you should do. I've never felt the way you feel about your girl. So I can't really say what I would do. Hindsight is always 20/20, but I wish you luck. Live with no regrets my man.

 

[Mudge]

Spying is going to make your problems worse.

 

[nsimmons]

Spying is going to make your problems worse.

Ding ding! Its better not to know. I dated a girl who i suspected was fooling around. One day fixing her car i snooped through everything and found a condom wrapper that wasnt mine. She never told me and couldnt figure out why i didnt want to see her any more. I wouldnt have much rather not found it.

I also caught a girl with her tongue down some other guys throat, while i just happen to be spying on her.

Both cases i would have much prefered to just end the relationship than catching them.

 

[joesmooth20]

Ding ding! Its better not to know. I dated a girl who i suspected was fooling around. One day fixing her car i snooped through everything and found a condom wrapper that wasnt mine. She never told me and couldnt figure out why i didnt want to see her any more. I wouldnt have much rather not found it.

I also caught a girl with her tongue down some other guys throat, while i just happen to be spying on her.

Both cases i would have much prefered to just end the relationship than catching them.

Damn dude, that's really shitty and depressing.

 

[nsimmons]

ehh whatever, 20 year old hotties are whores

 

[JOHNYORK]

Damn dude, that's really shitty and depressing.

eat shit

 

[Cardinal]

I have mixed opinions on this one when it comes to going through emails/phone calls. I have done a fair amount of reading and posting on other boards when it comes to relationships. This is what I see most often.

"Spying is going to make your problems worse". Just as mudge said.

But it seems more often than not there is a reason for the spying. Also many times, it seems like the person being spied on is cheating. Was it wrong to snoop? Yes! But given what was found here, I can't say it was completely unjustified.

At least on some of the forums I visit, it seems to be the women that freely admit spying on their SO's activities more than anything else for what it is worth.

I don't know how to get rid of the jealousy issue. I think with me, I care very little about many things. I have better things to do than sit around and be jealous wondering what my girl might not be telling me. I just don't give a damn.

 

[DaMayor]

WTF? You have control issues and anger management problems. She has confessed to you her discussion with her co-worker. This should be proof that when she feels guilty she wants to talk to you. How the hell can one be so sneaky to impose up her personal belongings such as her phone and email. She could have you arrested for shit like that. Second of all, that is completey uncalled for and disrespectful and you consider dumping her? Too bad she wasn't on this board because I would tell her right now to run for her life from you. Your anger will get worse as you age and in time you will be hitting her. You say right now, No I won't, but every abusive man said that at some point. You need help!

Um, Jodi, I'd say that response is just a bit over the top. Jealousy is more driven by a fear of rejectment or some other insecurity, and I (would like to) doubt that this guy is a candidate for abusive behavior....but who knows.
In fact, most abusive types are not jealous at all....they're just a bunch of needle dicks with a truckload of inadequacy issues who feel the need to control others via violent acts because, as the cowards they are, they feel that they have no control based on their own worth. Trust me, I wasted the last year and a half trying to save someone from this type of situation, and the little whimp she was with was never jealous.....just a coward.

I think this guy's just young and has let himself get into the destructive pattern of snooping instead of putting it on the table and talking it out, fixing it, or walking away.

 

[AKIRA]

I have mixed opinions on this one when it comes to going through emails/phone calls. I have done a fair amount of reading and posting on other boards when it comes to relationships. This is what I see most often.

"Spying is going to make your problems worse". Just as mudge said.

But it seems more often than not there is a reason for the spying. Also many times, it seems like the person being spied on is cheating. Was it wrong to snoop? Yes! But given what was found here, I can't say it was completely unjustified.

At least on some of the forums I visit, it seems to be the women that freely admit spying on their SO's activities more than anything else for what it is worth.

I don't know how to get rid of the jealousy issue. I think with me, I care very little about many things. I have better things to do than sit around and be jealous wondering what my girl might not be telling me. I just don't give a damn.

Hmm.

Nicely put.

I guess the only downfall of that could be the tried and true concept. "My ex was doing the very same shady shit my current gfriend is doing and my ex cheated on me, so my current one is cheating on me." Behaviors arent always going to be the same with everyone, so should we spy on all of them cuz of our pasts? Who knows.

I remember my ex cheated on me a lot, but it was in moderation. After she had her fun with someone shed be good to me for a few months, then it was back to the slutathon!

Drop the bitch and the attitude or deal with it, just leave me the hell out of it.

 

[Johnny Begood]

'Jealousy' is often a sign of insecurity..... all relationships take work and if that 'work' aint working, then sometimes the best thing to do is take a deep breath and move on.

Don't throw blame, it takes two to make somethings go wrong...most of the time if you're not givng your woman the attention she needs / deserves she'll get it somewhere else..and believe me there are plenty of scumbags out there who'll promise the earth to a womans to get in her knickers....if it's time to move on, things will only get worse...the pain of truth is easier to take than the pain of the lie!

If you care for someone, you don't want to hold them back and waste their time, also, your time is precious too, don't waste it with someone who doesn't make you feel number one.

also, remember life is short and there are plenty more cherry's on the tree! there's someone for everyone... if you do move on, do yourself a favour and learn from this, don't make the same mistake twice..

As they say "if you love someone you set them free..... if they love you they'll come back...if they don't... you hunt them down...stalk them and make their life a living hell!!"

 

[Little Wing]

some of you are bogus as hell.

Yea im going to turn into a wife beater all a sudden because I check her phone and myspace. Put the crack pipe down lady.

And I dont think I have control issues, I have a feeling shes messing around and rather than put all my trust into believing shes not and getting hurt later, id rather pry and try to find out so that i can get out if this does happen to be the case.

women beater...wow

maybe you do have some self esteem issues but maybe too your intuition is just working. the times i've felt that way i would see it as a fault in myself and ignore it only to later regret not listening to my gut instinct. when you can trust someone i think you can feel it. as with when you can't trust someone. you can sense that.

those bad feelings are there for a reason. they're part of every person's ancient survival mechanism. they will help guide you if you trust them. when i met the right person it didn't take any effort to feel confident in his loyalty. your intuition can work that way too. it's a beautiful peace hmmm stillness. there will be no tempest of doubts. having a partner that you know for certain has too much class and integrity to belittle you or themselves by being a dirtbag is pretty cool.

her deleting her phone shit is cuz there is something she's being sneaky about imo. crying n promising has been done by my cheating exes too so it don't mean squat. when your intuition tells you you can trust someone you won't even think about checking up on them etc.

i think there must be things about her that are feeding your fears maybe you just need to reconsider what type of partner you want and find someone you respect more. you won't regret it.

 

[Little Wing]

You're the same guy who won't go down on his girl cause it tastes nasty. That would explain why she's looking at other options...

a clean pussy doesn't smell or taste bad. maybe now we know why hers tastes nasty....

 

[Little Wing]

I wouldn't ever be with a man who has a history of deceiving me or anyone else for that matter. I won't be with them. Trust is number one and if I can't trust them, then I don't want to be with them.

that was my first thought

 

[Little Wing]

and as to abusive men. i can tell you for certain that the two i knew were not at all jealous, suspicious or controlling. i think the biggest factor in them being abusive was having been raised in violent homes.

 

[The Pool Cleana]

hey buddy ill tell u what i right now am in the same exact sitiuation you are in my girl deletes her phone calls n shit to and iv actually done my fair share of snooping its just the way somepeople are man i mean iv had past experiences with a girl thats cheated on me and when u get hurt like that it in a since never goes away it stays with you in the back of your mind and u never want it to happen again so in my opinion stick it out let the cards be delt thats the only way i se u can go about iot

 

[TheBigA]

Hi The Pool Cleana has it correct.

 

[AKIRA]

Holy shit, is punctuation really that fucking hard to use?

 

[AKIRA]

Hmm.

Nicely put.

I guess the only downfall of that could be the tried and true concept. "My ex was doing the very same shady shit my current gfriend is doing and my ex cheated on me, so my current one is cheating on me." Behaviors arent always going to be the same with everyone, so should we spy on all of them cuz of our pasts? Who knows.

I remember my ex cheated on me a lot, but it was in moderation. After she had her fun with someone shed be good to me for a few months, then it was back to the slutathon!

Drop the bitch and the attitude or deal with it, just leave me the hell out of it.

Just looking back at what I wrote in the thread. And jesus.. I am one funny prick.