In case anyone was wondering what led up to me being like this...
When I was in shape, my perspective on being "healthy" was simple. I was active, excercised, I had a semi-decent diet. While I could have benefitted from better knowledge, I didn't feel the need. I played sports growing up. I was a pitcher on my high school baseball team... and no, I didn't look like David Wells or Bartolo Colon (to any baseball fans out there)... I had a normal pitcher-type build.
Back in '97, I moved from NJ out to Phoenix. That is where I injured my foot and ankle. I'm a teacher and my teacher's aide didn't show up for work for 2 days straight, without calling in. That wasn't like her... and I was worried because her asshole husband has beat her in the past. He never wanted her working with me because he was thinking there was something going on between his wife and me. Well, even though I knew it was a crazy thing... I went over to her apartment to find her and see if she was alright. The reason why it was crazy, was because they lived in a dangerous, drug-infested area of the city, we called Little Mexico. It's probably not so dangerous if I was Mexican, but I am as white as they come. Anyway, I confronted Enrique at the apartment where a shouting match ensued. He wouldn't let me know if Chantel was alright. He slammed the door in my face. I decided to leave, to plot my next move... call the police? wait and come back with other friends? When I got near my car... 3 guys who were hanging out at that apartment complex came up to me... They were watching my confrontation with their homeboy. To make a long story short... they pepper sprayed me, started punching and kicking the shit out of me. One of the guys ran over my fucking foot... breaking it and my ankle. So, that was the beginning of my sedentary lifestyle. I attempted to become more active after it healed, but I had a nagging pain for a few years when I put too much stress on it for long periods of time. I gained a lot of weight in those couple of years.
I also had a highly stressful job when I lived in Phoenix. I taught at a special school specializing in teenagers who had severe emotional and behavioral problems. Basically, I put my life (and my health) on the backburner and focused all my energy on the kids. It was an emotional roller coaster for me. One of my students committed suicide. Another student of mine had parents who were brutally murdered. Another was so badly beaten by a local gang that he was in a coma for several weeks. Most of these kids had horrible home lives, shitty parents, many were severely abused when they were younger. I constantly worried about them and my continuous goal was to teach these kids the basics on how to function in this world. I acted like a surrogate parent to many... taking them shopping, going to baseball games, etc. And since money was tight for me out there, for a few years I got a part-time job working on the children and adolescent ward in a psychiatric hospital. The stories and horrors I could tell you from that job... well I'll spare you. Basically, I acted like a fucking martyr and didn't give a shit about myself during those 7 years I worked with these kids. I gained even more weight!!
After my injury fully healed, logic would dictate that working out on a regular basis would relieve my daily stress. In hindsight, yes... that's totally true. I tried several times to get into a routine, but never stuck to it. Instead, I relieved my stress with my co-workers at the local pub. Drinking added even more weight... not to mention drained my emotional well-being. Instead of making positive decisions about myself and my health, I instead felt sorry for myself. And when I realized that was lame, I focused my energy on the kids again. Then my self-pity would creep back and so on so forth. It was a vicious psychological cycle that I couldn't seem to break. Last year, I decided I couldn't take it any more. While that teaching job was extremely rewarding, I knew I was at my breaking point... far beyond being burnt-out.
I decided to quit and move back to Jersey, where my roots are. Now I'm teaching teenagers who are a lot let stressful to work with... they only have basic learning disabilities, not severe issues like my previous students. My only challenge with them is trying to make class fun and motivating so that the kids want to learn. While I feel dedicated to teaching, it's not my life anymore... nor do I want it to be. I've always felt that giving to the world and others is important, but I've come to realize you can only give so much if you don't take care of yourself... and that's where I'm at right now. My health is my main priority right now, and I won't slow down until I reach my goals.
I understand that this appears that I'm making up excuses for being so overweight. It's not an excuse, nor am I trying to rationalize anything. I'm just sharing with you all what contributed to my unhealthy lifestyle. My previously poor mental health had a direct correlation with my physical health. For many individuals, there might not be quite so much of a connection. Regardless, I'm now making positive choices in my life that are helping my physical and mental well-being.
One question... before I forget. When doing cardio... where do you recommend my heartrate range be for burning fat? I've read varying reports, so I'm a little perplexed. Thanks again.
You're obsessed!! Shut your mouth you fool.
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i live in inner london, fat people in england dont count as english anyway!
