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Lessons learned.

irontime

irontime

The Original Jackass
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This thread is a 'learn from other's mistakes' thread. Please join in by telling others some of the blunders you have had in your relationships so that others may learn. :grin:
 
I'll start;

No matter how badly you may have to, do not fart before she is going to give you a blow-job.:finger: No, she will not appreciate the fact that you let it out before she went down there instead of while she was down there.:shrug: It just simply ruins the mood. :scratch:
 
My biggest lesson was to trust your gut. If you have a gut feeling that your partner is cheating on you, then it is most likely that they are. I learned that one the hard way.
 
Oh, and another one...if she asks you to blow your load on her, make sure you don't get it in her eyes. They get really mad when this happens and it stings a lot. Aim properly.
 
I hear you there Ponyboy, this is a problem that I have, too.

I am simply too nice for most girls, and although they say they want a nice guy who treats them like I do, they really want a bad boy and that is something I just am not, I am too clean cut for tha.
 
Good points guys, here's another one;

If you are over at her mother's and you notice that her feet must be fairly big considering her boots are huge, it is NOT appropriate to whisper to your girlfriend that her mom must have a huge cock. :finger: This is simply unnacceptable and she will not share in your humor. :shrug:
 
lol
 
This one wasn't with my girlfriend, we just had occasional sex.

We just finished and she was worn right out and she gasped 'that was awesome'. I looked at her and said, 'Thanx, tell your friends.'

:lol: It was pretty damn funny for me but she didn't think so. :p
 
Originally posted by irontime
This one wasn't with my girlfriend, we just had occasional sex.

We just finished and she was worn right out and she gasped 'that was awesome'. I looked at her and said, 'Thanx, tell your friends.'

:lol: It was pretty damn funny for me but she didn't think so. :p
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:lol: :lol:............................:p
 
Originally posted by irontime
This one wasn't with my girlfriend, we just had occasional sex.

We just finished and she was worn right out and she gasped 'that was awesome'. I looked at her and said, 'Thanx, tell your friends.'

:lol: It was pretty damn funny for me but she didn't think so. :p
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:funny:
 
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Originally posted by irontime
This one wasn't with my girlfriend, we just had occasional sex.

We just finished and she was worn right out and she gasped 'that was awesome'. I looked at her and said, 'Thanx, tell your friends.'

:lol: It was pretty damn funny for me but she didn't think so. :p
Click to expand...

:haha: :haha: :haha:
 
The pick-up line "If all you're after is a little dick I'm your man cause I have a little dick,don't laugh could be the best three minutes of your life" went home alone.
 
Originally posted by thickone
The pick-up line "If all you're after is a little dick I'm your man cause I have a little dick,don't laugh could be the best three minutes of your life" went home alone.
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:haha: And how many times did you use that before you learned your lesson? :p
 
Let's say you are walking down the mall with your girlfriend and you both see a girl with a black eye, she actually looks like a battered wife. While this is sad to see, it is not appropriate to lighten the mood by whispering to your girlfriend "You see, that's why I want my dinner on time." :finger: Once again she will NOT share in your humour and you have devistated any chance you may have had of getting laid that night :no:
 
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:haha:

Yeah, that is also accomplished by telling her that she has gained a few pounds while you're in the middle of sex. Especially if you comment on the larger size of her ass while taking her from behind.

"Those are new stretch marks, aren't they?" :p
 
Originally posted by irontime
This one wasn't with my girlfriend, we just had occasional sex.

We just finished and she was worn right out and she gasped 'that was awesome'. I looked at her and said, 'Thanx, tell your friends.'

:lol: It was pretty damn funny for me but she didn't think so. :p
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That´s so funny! :thumb:
 
It's been awhile but I have learned another valuable lesson to share with the class.

To take you back a bit, last year my girlfriend broke her foot, gained about 20lbs, has lost some but not yet all of it. But she is losing gradually.

There a couple pairs of Jeans that she used to be able to wear and is now starting to fit into them again. So when your girlfriend puts one of these on and asks you if they look okay or if they are too tight and to be honest, never, EVER, be honest if they look a little tight. :no: Even trying to sugarcoat it by saying 'Just a little tight honey, but not bad' That is a definite 'no' :finger:

Lie through you fucking teeth or the tears will start to fall and you have yet again ruined any chance you may have had of getting laid that night :doh:
 
I'll tell you the lesson I've learned just from reading this thread; Irontime should keep his damn mouth shut. Boy, it's a wonder you EVER get laid. :no:


Lesson from a few decades ago: Right in the middle of a session of heavy petting my girlfriend jokingly asked, "Will you respect me in the morning?" I jokingly replied, "Hell, I don't respect you NOW." She did not see the humor in that. It was OK, the facial swelling where she hit me went down after a couple of days. :2punch:
 
I once fucked a girlfriend of mine in her living room and her mother was sleeping(???) on the recliner next to us.
 
Dont be a human fucking crutch for your girlfriend. Its everyone for themselves (sadly) and it is not the guys responsibility to cater to needyness.

Dont sleep with a woman and expect it to be just sex. Its never just sex for some reason that is beyond my minimal capacity to understand.

Be unflinchingly honest at all times, but understand that you being honest is not the truth, it is you telling things how you see them, and you might be wrong.

Sleeping with long time female friends gets messy. Really messy. (And not in the good way!)

Rubber up. Even if she is on the pill.

that is my accumulated knowledge of 21 years
 
Originally posted by andyo
I hear you there Ponyboy, this is a problem that I have, too.

I am simply too nice for most girls, and although they say they want a nice guy who treats them like I do, they really want a bad boy and that is something I just am not, I am too clean cut for tha.
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Same here, first gf took a while to get use to me bing a nice guy
 
don't stay with a gf just because you get laid in the long run you just fuck yourself over.

doing it because you in fact care about the other person make the sex a lot better.

Finding a girl thats willing to experiment is hard to do but alot of fun when you do. alot of fun

knowledge from a friend "parking brake is a good thing to have on"
 
Put the dog out of the room when things start heating up, theres definitely nothing that will kill the mood quite like a cold wet nose in your crack.
 
Originally posted by maniclion
Put the dog out of the room when things start heating up, theres definitely nothing that will kill the mood quite like a cold wet nose in your crack.
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:O
:funny: Oh man that is funny, I hope you beat the little shit with a newspaper after that one :p
 
Originally posted by Jake
Dont be a human fucking crutch for your girlfriend. Its everyone for themselves (sadly) and it is not the guys responsibility to cater to needyness.

Dont sleep with a woman and expect it to be just sex. Its never just sex for some reason that is beyond my minimal capacity to understand.
Click to expand...

Jake honey;

Let me tell you why that is. I went on a couples retreat SOLO!! :scratch: I didn't realize that it was a couples retreat. All I cared about at the time was that it was a retreat. :shrug: Oh well...

But I learned a lot!! It's called the male and female brain... They are very different. The chemicals in males brain react with the big "T" (testosterone), and men are usually more left brain dominant (that is the side of reason/logic). Women are more right brain dominant (that is the side of emotion), the womens brain react with the emotional side, hense the caring and feelings of attachment.

Hope that helps :wave:
 
Originally posted by aggies1ut How did I even get into law school? lol
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It's a California law school, you only need two brain cells.............and they don't even have to be fully operational. :shrug:
 
Alrighty, this one's for the ladies;

If you are on a hockey team and it's the end of the year wind-up, please, go out and have fun. Us men realize that you are going to get completely smashed and that is okay. And I do appreciate that you realize I have to get up at 6 am to go to work, and I thank you for calling a taxi to take you home instead of bothering me to pick you up.

But, You should really be aware that when the cab company asks you for your phone number, they actually want the number of the house you are partying at so they can reach you, not your actual home phone number :rolleyes: So when your boyfriend gets a call at 3 am with a message saying that the cab is waiting outside, he is really not going to know what the hell is going on and he will be less than impressed. :no:

Now you did not ruin your chances of getting laid when you stumble in drunk and horny, but I did have to think about it :finger:
 
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