do those handheld things at the gym actually work? if so, i'm WAY fatter than i thought i was 

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If you're dieting, you're probably glycogen-depleted. If you're at all dehydrated as well, you'll register as a fatass on those things - they measure total body water as a proxy for muscle tissue. Drop glycogen, you've dropped water. So it thinks you're skinny-fat.![]()
DEXA. Try nuclear medicine at the main hospital; some private labs offer it, too.
I usually use old fashioned ice block tongs and a tape measure.
GICH.