I can see the post now...
"Hey guys...missed my workout today. I ate the entire table sized pizza alone last week, and like it so much I had another last night. Then today, we got a call at the firehouse and I got stuck in the floor hole trying to slide down the pole. They had to use the jaws of life to get me out, but I had to wait until everyone else got back from the fire, which took a while because it got out of hand while everyone was going down the stairs because I was blocking the pole.
Anyway, they banned me from the pole hole, which is fine because being stuck there led to some intestinal discomfort. While I was sitting there in my own

I thought Man, I shouldn't have gotten the third layer of cheese on the second pie. Oh well, live and learn...DB."