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My story of life, addiction, cancer, indian healer, and tomorrow's gym session

Devalish

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Hi,
I'm not really new to the forums.. in fact, these forums once helped me become the person that I wanted to be.. the person that I'm trying to get back to, and that's why I'm here again..

I'm a 25 year old college student; I must say college is the perfect grounds for ruining your mind and your body, it's a shame that our -so called- educational system has become a business that takes all your money, and give you nothing, NOTHING, but a piece of paper that -might- help you get a decent job..

I have just recovered from a long term depression (2 years), addiction to marijuana and nicotine, and bad eating habits that college life forces you to develop.

I first started working out when I finished high school, I felt very enthusiastic, very energetic, and all my existence revolved around the "I'm going to college and become a free bird".. I dropped half of my weight in a few months, and I started gaining muscle.. I got the the point where I was complemented by strangers about how good I looked and how my arms were huge, etc.. In a matter of 15 months, I even started fantasizing about becoming a world champion.. I was full of life, enthusiasm, determination, and -oh, I'm sorry, my stupid college teachers didn't teach me more colorful words to add, but I'm sure you get the idea-..

Once college started, I was consumed by the crap they teach and the assignments that kept me chained to my computer day and night.. I was feeding on Mc'Donalds, smoking marijuana and doing my programming assignments at night.. Not to mention the pack-a-day of marlboros..
I sub-consciously became depressed.. my grades dropped because I couldn't wake up in the morning, and I no matter how much I studied, the marijuana kept my brain thinking of other things.. It was a cycle that I didn't know how I got into, didn't know how I could get out of..

I gained all the weight -in FAT- in a matter of a few months of going to classes and back to my room where I stayed all day trying to cope with the assignments, and all night getting high and doing programming work.. When the first year was done, I was so fat I couldn't wear the shirts I bought a few months back.. I suddenly discovered a strange lump right above my left nipple, just out of the blue.. a strange lump appeared, I didn't care much.. but in a couple weeks, I started getting a frightening tingling and burning sensation around my left nipple, deep inside.. What came to my mind was that my mom was diagnosed with a tumor a few years back, so I thought my heavy smoking habits rewarded me with, well.. Cancer..

Due to my depression and being totally consumed with making up for the mess I caused to myself academically.. I didn't go to the doctor.. I was certain it was cancer, but I kept it to myself.. Can you imagine what it feels like to be sitting around with your friends and feeling the burning sensation eating your body from the inside and not saying anything about it? I am still to this moment surprised at myself for keeping silent about it, feeling the area of burning spreading around my nipple and underarm.. It was all scary, really scary.. but I still kept it to myself.. maybe because I didn't want to hear the word "cancer" from a doctor..

Everything in my life became very twisted, like I had no control over any aspect of my own life.. All I wanted to focus on is getting my degree even if I had to die the next day of graduation.. One day, I wake up at 2pm getting a phone call from my family which happened to be living over seas, it was bad news.. the death of a cousin, because of cancer.. right after I hung up, it felt like I entered another realm.. literally, I had to tell myself things like "I need to change the channel, I need the remote control, I should extend my arm and reach for it", my brain's process of thinking became very limited, slow, and I had ZERO memory.. I lost even the basic skills of thinking, I felt like a different person, did strange things, listened to music I never liked, I basically got lost in my own mind.. I was very close to losing my mind forever.. All that stress, anxiety, and depression killed my nervous system.. It was all the processed food, the cigarrets, joints, blunts, and pipe hits, it was the lack of excersice, the anxiety and severe pressuring on my own self to do the work I couldn't basically do.. It was the bad company, the addicts, the sluts, the fights, the racist teachers, and my own carelessness that gave birth to this cancer and the damaged nervous system..

Just 6 months ago, I moved to another apartment which costs double the amount I had to pay.. I knew this would help, I thought a better atmosphere and new neighbors and friends will def. change my life and it really did. It felt so much better to be living in a secure place, with a good roomate and decent friends. My overall psychological state became so much better, I travelled to India a couple months ago(not my home country), I was chilling with an indian who brought me good hash and I opened up with this "stranger" about the cancer.. He immediately looked at me with a funny naughty smile, and promised to take me to a "healer" in a village nearby.. After a little discussion of who and what this "healer" was, he told me he was very reputable and he's been healing people of all sorts of sicknesses for more than 40 years. We drove there the next day in the morning and stopped by this healer's house which looked very simple, and had some people waiting outside, is if in-line to get to see "the healer".. The whole thing wasn't too strange for me since I come from the middle east.. When it was my turn in line, we went in.. the place was very nice, I remember seeing some bottles of different liquids, and some dry leaves here and there on the tables.. The place smelled like mint/menthol.. the healer asked what my life has been like while my dealer/helper friend was translating, and I told him the whole story with the details..

His first request was "lay on your abdomen" and he brought some oils that smelled of olive oil and some weird incense, he basically massaged my back, pushing in certain areas as if he was trying to see what's there, he massaged my shoulder and neck, continuously checking for lumps (i guess).. After this 10 minute massage and check, he murmured something and my indian friend translated "he says it's not cancer".. I must say I was very comforted, I took this healer's word for granted, I trusted him more than I ever trusted any doctor I've seen.. He just looked and sounded very knowledgable! He just gave me some directions of massaging a certain area in the left side of my back, he did it once and touched a muscle inside my left back muscle.. When he pressed on it, it felt like my breath would stop, it felt like this little thing is tied to everything in my chest.. I asked my friend to translate "what does this have to do with the lump? and what about the burning sensation?".. The "healer" replied "it's all connected, the little hair that grows on your back is directly connected to the little hair that grows on your chest".. It meant so much, what he said was quiet strange but it made strong sense! It was very convincing.. He told me to ask a person to massage that area in my back until that lump and burning sensation would disappear and he wished me good luck.. When I saw how everything ended quickly, I kind of felt this guy was just plain stupid like most "so called healers" are.. I payed "Whatever your hand gives" as they say, and we left back to my hotel.. I kept thinking about how confident he was when he said "it's not cancer", and I decided that it was just an experience and it was fun anyway..

After another week of my vacation in India, I traveled to my home in the middle east on my way back to the US. Of course, I told my mother and friends about this "healer story" and they were all amazed, people tend to be very accepting and sensational about stories of alternative healers.. My mom secretly prepared warm olive oil, and came to me in my room and wanted to massage me like that healer prescribed.. and after a little laughing, I gave in and she started massaging that exact muscle in my back.. I promise you, right after the third massage I never felt any burning or tingling, it was a good feeling, but I still wondered if "it's not burning because it's in my mind".. Well, my mom kept massaging me daily for the whole month I was there.. I remember feeling different about that lump after two weeks, it just felt less of a lump as it felt before.. Now, It's been two weeks for me in the US..

It has been 6 weeks since I started the massages, there is NO LUMP, NO BURNING, NO TINGLING!!

I have just shopped for fruits, veggies, lean meat, chicken, etc.. My kitchen is full of organic and healthy foods.. I also passed by the vitamin shoppe for a fat burner and multivitamins..

I have stopped smoking a month ago, and I'm hitting the gym tomorrow morning before I go to my classes..

Wish me luck..
 
That's a lot to have dealt with in a short time.

I do hope you stick with it and get your health and life on the right track and stay there.
 
Its a nice storry man ..
but even we have some hard daies we should not give up ...
keep up your healthy food .. and if you have time you should keep working in a GYM for your body ... and dont look for quick results ... you will find your self becoming fine after mounth .. becoming good after a year .. and becoming strong after years ... GOOD LUCK MAN = )
 
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