nasty/dirty joke thread

[Vibrant]

I'll start with:


A cowboy arrives in a little town, enters the saloon and screams, "I want a woman, I want to fuck!"
"Welcome." says the owner, "We have Rosy the Red who fucks like three witches for only $30!"
"She's wonderful!" replied the cowboy, "But I don't have that much money!" "No problem." said the owner, "For $20, Blondie the Blonde sucks your cock out of your underwear!"
"She's real pretty," replied the cowboy, "But I don't have that much money!"
"No problem sir!" said the owner, "For $10 Terry the Terrible will keep your cock in her hand til the mornin!"
"She's nice," replied the cowboy, "But I don't hav......" "How much fucking money do you have then?" screamed the owner. "Errrrr," whispered the cowboy, "25 cents!"
"Allright then," gasped the owner, "Go upstairs to room 22!"
The cowboy runs upstairs, opens the door of room 22, and on the bed sees a nice young girl lying with her legs wide open. He jumps on her and begins fucking. After ten minutes he goes downstairs and says to the owner, "I... I think I have a problem!"
"What about?" replied the owner.
"Well," said the cowboy, "You know the young lady in room 22.....I was having fun with her and suddenly she turned her face and threw up a load of white mess!"
"Oh shit!" screamed the owner, "Someone go and change the corpse in room 22, it's full again!"

 

[azza1971]

I fell over and got my dick stuck in Madmans mother………..

 

[Madmann]

I'll start with:


A cowboy arrives in a little town, enters the saloon and screams, "I want a woman, I want to fuck!"
"Welcome." says the owner, "We have Rosy the Red who fucks like three witches for only $30!"
"She's wonderful!" replied the cowboy, "But I don't have that much money!" "No problem." said the owner, "For $20, Blondie the Blonde sucks your cock out of your underwear!"
"She's real pretty," replied the cowboy, "But I don't have that much money!"
"No problem sir!" said the owner, "For $10 Terry the Terrible will keep your cock in her hand til the mornin!"
"She's nice," replied the cowboy, "But I don't hav......" "How much fucking money do you have then?" screamed the owner. "Errrrr," whispered the cowboy, "25 cents!"
"Allright then," gasped the owner, "Go upstairs to room 22!"
The cowboy runs upstairs, opens the door of room 22, and on the bed sees a nice young girl lying with her legs wide open. He jumps on her and begins fucking. After ten minutes he goes downstairs and says to the owner, "I... I think I have a problem!"
"What about?" replied the owner.
"Well," said the cowboy, "You know the young lady in room 22.....I was having fun with her and suddenly she turned her face and threw up a load of white mess!"
"Oh shit!" screamed the owner, "Someone go and change the corpse in room 22, it's full again!"

And even this ^^^ is not a bigger joke than you.

I fell over and got my dick stuck in Madmans mother?????????..

Stop thinking about me or my relatives son.

Its disgusting. You're despicable.

 

[Rednack]

I fell over and got my dick stuck in Madmans mother………..

Anything more than a earfull would be a waste for you, shorty..

 

[Madmann]

Anything more than a earfull would be a waste for you, shorty..

You're a bigger waste than him.

 

[ExLe]

I'll start with:


A cowboy arrives in a little town, enters the saloon and screams, "I want a woman, I want to fuck!"
"Welcome." says the owner, "We have Rosy the Red who fucks like three witches for only $30!"
"She's wonderful!" replied the cowboy, "But I don't have that much money!" "No problem." said the owner, "For $20, Blondie the Blonde sucks your cock out of your underwear!"
"She's real pretty," replied the cowboy, "But I don't have that much money!"
"No problem sir!" said the owner, "For $10 Terry the Terrible will keep your cock in her hand til the mornin!"
"She's nice," replied the cowboy, "But I don't hav......" "How much fucking money do you have then?" screamed the owner. "Errrrr," whispered the cowboy, "25 cents!"
"Allright then," gasped the owner, "Go upstairs to room 22!"
The cowboy runs upstairs, opens the door of room 22, and on the bed sees a nice young girl lying with her legs wide open. He jumps on her and begins fucking. After ten minutes he goes downstairs and says to the owner, "I... I think I have a problem!"
"What about?" replied the owner.
"Well," said the cowboy, "You know the young lady in room 22.....I was having fun with her and suddenly she turned her face and threw up a load of white mess!"
"Oh shit!" screamed the owner, "Someone go and change the corpse in room 22, it's full again!"

***Necrophilia***...



Probably one of the only types of threads I wouldn't do...

Not because it crosses my moral boundaries...

But because there are no good necro gifs to post...

trust me I have searched...

 

[azza1971]

***Necrophilia***...



Probably one of the only types of threads I wouldn't do...

Not because it crosses my moral boundaries...

But because there are no good necro gifs to post...

trust me I have searched...

Breaking News. Madman is soon to be a corpse, turns out 50 guys from a body building forum tracked down his IP address to a Starbucks, he was having a frappe with his mom (it was her shout, she had ten dollars she found on the floor after being raped) and the 50 guys took turns with broom handles on the family of 2, the dwarf guy in spandex they called Madman sobbed uncontrollably like a little bitch while being pounded in his rectum by the brooms, his mom asked when she was getting paid, and then the spandex midget ejaculated in his moms face, last seen he was on fire and running down broadway??????.

 

[ExLe]

Breaking News. Madman is soon to be a corpse, turns out 50 guys from a body building forum tracked down his IP address to a Starbucks, he was having a frappe with his mom (it was her shout, she had ten dollars she found on the floor after being raped) and the 50 guys took turns with broom handles on the family of 2, the dwarf guy in spandex they called Madman sobbed uncontrollably like a little bitch while being pounded in his rectum by the brooms, his mom asked when she was getting paid, and then the spandex midget ejaculated in his moms face, last seen he was on fire and running down broadway??????.

 

[azza1971]

Thats him, quick get a fire extinguisher and save him……………..nah, lets all go back to Starbucks, i want a White Chocolate Mocha with sprinkles.

 

[JJ-INSANE1]

LMFAO bro , that's fuckin killer

 

[azza1971]

This is a joke thread and Madman is a fuckin joke.

 

[Rednack]

You're a bigger waste than him.

Good thing you're double-jointed in the jawbone eh?



Funny Dirty Joke 1
What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?
Bingo
Funny Dirty Joke 2
What is a lesbian’s favorite thing to eat?
A Klondike Bar
Funny Dirty Joke 3
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an “A” bra.
Funny Dirty Joke 4
What is better than a cold Bud?
A warm bush.
Funny Dirty Joke 5
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.
Funny Dirty Joke 6
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.
Funny Dirty Joke 7
What is the cheapest meat?
Deer balls, there under a buck.
Funny Dirty Joke 8
What is the definition of “making love”?
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
Funny Dirty Joke 9
What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A bloody waste of fucking time.
Funny Dirty Joke 10
What is the definition of a perfect lover?
A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
Funny Dirty Joke 11
What is the difference between “Oooh!” and “Aaah!”?
About three inches.
Funny Dirty Joke 12
What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
Bachelor comes home, sees what’s in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.
Funny Dirty Joke 13
What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt
Funny Dirty Joke 14
What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?
Snowballs.
Funny Dirty Joke 15
What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.
Funny Dirty Joke 16
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
Funny Dirty Joke 17
What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
At a hockey game you see fast pucks.
Funny Dirty Joke 18
What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won’t call you a week later.
Funny Dirty Joke 19
What is the difference between great literature and pornography?
Literature is frequently dusty but rarely dirty.
Funny Dirty Joke 20
What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?
You can eat your mom’s apple pie.
Funny Dirty Joke 21
What is the first sign of AIDS?
A pounding sensation in the ass.
Funny Dirty Joke 22
What is the lightest thing in the world?
A penis…even a thought can raise it.
Funny Dirty Joke 23
What is the noisiest thing in the world?
Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.
Funny Dirty Joke 24
What is the only game in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it?
Strip Poker
Funny Dirty Joke 25
What proof do we have that prostitution is recession-proof?
Everyone knows that hookers thrive on hard times.
Funny Dirty Joke 26
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to use it.
Funny Dirty Joke 27
What two words will clear out a men’s changing room quicker than anything else?
Nice dick!
Funny Dirty Joke 28
What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
We’d eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
Funny Dirty Joke 29
What’s a diaphragm?
A trampoline for dick heads.
Funny Dirty Joke 30
What’s another name for pickled bread?
Dill-dough
Funny Dirty Joke 31
What’s better than a rose on your piano?
Tulips on your organ.
Funny Dirty Joke 32
What’s brown and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven’s First Movement.
Funny Dirty Joke 33
What’s gray, sits at the bed and takes the piss?
A kidney dialysis machine.
Funny Dirty Joke 34
What’s green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
Kermit’s Finger
Funny Dirty Joke 35
What’s in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
The captains log.
Funny Dirty Joke 36
What’s red and blue with a long string?
A smurfette with her period.
Funny Dirty Joke 37
What’s soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?
Vomit
Funny Dirty Joke 38
What’s the bad news about being a test tube baby?
You know for sure that your dad is a wanker.
Funny Dirty Joke 39
What’s the best part of having a homeless girlfriend?
You can drop her off where ever you want!
Funny Dirty Joke 40
What’s the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes of silence!
Funny Dirty Joke 41
What’s the best thing about marrying a woman with leprosy?
She can only give you lip once!
Funny Dirty Joke 42
What’s the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
Male fraud.
Funny Dirty Joke 43
What’s the biggest fish in the world?
A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.
Funny Dirty Joke 44
What’s the definition of “Tender Love?”
Two gays with hemorrhoids.
Funny Dirty Joke 45
What’s the definition of a vagina?
The box a penis comes in.
Funny Dirty Joke 46
What’s the definition of a Yankee?
Same thing as a ”quickie”, only you do it yourself.
Funny Dirty Joke 47
What’s the definition of eternity?
The time between when you cum and she leaves.
Funny Dirty Joke 48
What’s the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Funny Dirty Joke 49
What’s the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
Funny Dirty Joke 50
What’s the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
Funny Dirty Joke 51
What’s the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.
Funny Dirty Joke 52
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
Funny Dirty Joke 53
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.
Funny Dirty Joke 54
What’s the difference between a hamster and a cow?
Cows survive the branding.
Funny Dirty Joke 55
What’s the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!
Funny Dirty Joke 56
What’s the difference between a man and ET?
ET phoned home.
Funny Dirty Joke 57
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Funny Dirty Joke 58
What’s the difference between normal sex and anal sex?
Normal sex will make your day, anal sex will make your hole week!!
Funny Dirty Joke 59
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline?
I take my shoes of to jump on a trampoline
Funny Dirty Joke 60
What’s the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies?
I don’t have a Porsche in my garage
Funny Dirty Joke 61
What’s the difference between a ‘Spice Girls’ video and a porn video?
The porn video has better music!
Funny Dirty Joke 62
What’s the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
One goes “ribbit” the other goes “rub it”.’
Funny Dirty Joke 63
What’s the difference between a Trisket and a lesbian?
A Trisket is a snack cracker and a lesbian is a crack snacker!
Funny Dirty Joke 64
What’s the difference between a whore and a bitch?
Whore’s fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party except you.
Funny Dirty Joke 65
What’s the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
Funny Dirty Joke 66
What’s the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A fridge doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out!
Funny Dirty Joke 67
What’s the difference between big foot and your mom?
Your mom is better in bed.
Funny Dirty Joke 68
What’s the difference between love and herpes?
Love doesn’t last forever.
Funny Dirty Joke 69
What’s the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS?
Nothing.
Funny Dirty Joke 70
What’s the difference between medium and rare?
6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.
Funny Dirty Joke 71
What’s the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
Funny Dirty Joke 72
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Funny Dirty Joke 73
What’s the difference between parsley and pussy?
Nobody eats parsley.
Funny Dirty Joke 74
What’s the difference between pink and purple?
The grip!
Funny Dirty Joke 75
What’s the difference between sin and shame?
It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.
Funny Dirty Joke 76
What’s the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
Cowboy hats are for ass holes.
Funny Dirty Joke 77
What’s the difference between the San Diego Padres and a Prostitute?
Nothing, they both suck!
Funny Dirty Joke 78
What’s the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Funny Dirty Joke 79
What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job will still suck.
Funny Dirty Joke 80
What’s the hardest thing about a sex change operation?
Inserting the anchovies.
Funny Dirty Joke 81
What’s the hottest thing in the world?
Two rats fucking in a wool sock.
Funny Dirty Joke 82
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
Two test tickles
Funny Dirty Joke 83
What’s the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?
A police horse.
Funny Dirty Joke 84
What’s the speed limit of sex?
68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Funny Dirty Joke 85
What’s the ultimate rejection?
When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Funny Dirty Joke 86
What’s the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm…
Funny Dirty Joke 87
What’s white, smells, and can be found in panties?
Clitty litter
Funny Dirty Joke 88
What’s worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Funny Dirty Joke 89
What’s worse then 10 dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to 10 trees
Funny Dirty Joke 90
What’s yellow and green and eats nuts?
Gonorrhea
Funny Dirty Joke 91
When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
When he eats his first Brownie
Funny Dirty Joke 92
Where do fags park?
In the rear.
Funny Dirty Joke 93
Which is the odd one out a woman, a microwave or a fridge/freezer?
The microwave, the other two leak when they’re fucked!
Funny Dirty Joke 94
Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.
Funny Dirty Joke 95
Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack, and sell it again!
Funny Dirty Joke 96
Who’s the world’s greatest athlete?
The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
Funny Dirty Joke 97
Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers will go away.
Funny Dirty Joke 98
Why are roach clips called roach clips?
Because “pot holder” was already taken.
Funny Dirty Joke 99
Why are women are like tires?
There’s always a spare.
Funny Dirty Joke 100
Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

 

[BillHicksFan]

Q. What do you call a female police officer with a shaven pussy?

A. Cuntstubble

 

[Vibrant]

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday...

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh, no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?” “She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual lap dance, big boy?” Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”

 

[Rednack]

this aint dirty or nasty...


a dude pays alot of money for a rabbit hunting dog...The man takes the dog rabbit hunting and the dog goes into the thicket and comes out with a stick in his mouth..


The man goes to the next thicket and the dog goes into the second thicket and comes out with a stick in his mouth..

The man scratches his head and then his ass...


After he arrived at the third thicket the dog worked his way thru and came out with a stick in his mouth...


The disgruntled dog owner went the to the seller and ripped him a new one..


This dog aint shit..

this dog dont do shit..


The seller say's, what'd mean?


dude says all he does is cirlce thru the thicket and comes out with a stick in his mouth..

Seller say's, you ignorant fucker...He's trying to tell you there's more rabbits in this thicket, than you can shake a stick at..

 

[fstasfq]

.

 

[Rednack]

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday...

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, ???Hey, Dave! How ya doin??????? His wife is puzzled and asks if he???s been to this club before. ???Oh, no,??? says Dave. ???He???s on my bowling team.???
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he???d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, ???How did she know that you drink Budweiser???? ???She???s in the Ladies??? Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.???
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says ???Hi Davey. Want your usual lap dance, big boy???? Dave???s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, ???Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.???

That's good shit...

 

[Madmann]

THREAD STILL SUCKS.




Since its suppose to be dirty/nasty then it should be buried.

 

[ExLe]

***Necrophilia***...



Probably one of the only types of threads I wouldn't do...

Not because it crosses my moral boundaries...

But because there are no good necro gifs to post...

trust me I have searched...

I stand corrected...

 

[Mig139]

whats the name of that movie? kinda hot!

I stand corrected...

 

[cube789]

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.

The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks
at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says

- "See honey - its not that hard."

 

[cube789]

How is the Mafia and eating pussy alike? One slip of the tongue and yer in deep shit.​

 

[coolhandjames]

This old man and a young boy walk are walking through the woods holding hands.

The boy says to the old man " i'm scared "

The old man looks at the boy and replies " your scared ? how do you think I feel.... I have to walk outta here alone ! "

 

[Ezskanken]

YouTube Video

 

[Madmann]

This old man and a young boy walk are walking through the woods holding hands.

The boy says to the old man " i'm scared "

The old man looks at the boy and replies " your scared ? how do you think I feel.... I have to walk outta here alone ! "

Real me don't hold hands at anytime, let alone in the woods.

So only you would come up with stories about gay pedophiles.

 

[coolhandjames]

Real me don't hold hands at anytime, let alone in the woods.

So only you would come up with stories about gay pedophiles.

Ahh i bet that made you laugh though

 

[azza1971]

Whats the difference between cutting up Prostitutes and cutting up onions?

I only cry when i cut up onions.

 

[coolhandjames]

What's worst that a baby nailed to a tree ?

That same baby nailed to 50 trees.

 

[azza1971]

I saw a porn vid last night, 3 girls all prolapsing there assholes and then putting the prolapsed ass into the pussys and fucking it……i just thought i would share that, i thought it was funny.

 

[azza1971]

Why do pedophiles like baby girls?

You spin them over and their baby boys.