Need some serious advice.....please help!

[CRASHMAN]

here we go again

 

[CRASHMAN]

Everyone who isn't on topic, please shut the fuck up.

 

[CRASHMAN]

First and foremost, hello to all my old friends.

I need some serious advice, guys and gals.


My girlfriend, who I was completely head over heels in love with, broke up with me a few weeks ago, and I am just SO freakin heartbroken.
It just so happens that she did it the week I was to start clomid for PCT (so test levels are way down, and estrogen is way up), so i literally feel like i'm depressed.

We dated for 4 months, but since we literally saw eachother and slept together 6 or 7 times/week, it wasn't a typical "only" 4 month relationship.

Things were absolutely great the first 3 and a half months, then she told me that she still had feelings for an ex-bf from a year ago that she never got over, and that she saw us as too different (she's a social butterfly and likes to go out drinking/dancing/clubbing.....whereas I'm out of that phase).

It's just so hard for me to accept that she could be so into me, and me into her, and then all of a sudden that's it.

The worst thing is, is that we started hanging out literally one week after I bought my new house, so every single thing in the house reminds me of her.
Not to mention, of ALL the girls i've ever slept with and/or fooled around with, she was the first one that I've ever truely been in love with.

Does anyone have ANY suggestions or advice?

I'm willing to listen to ANYthing guys and gals, I think i'm depressed and like on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
(I'm going to see a therapist in a few weeks.......but until then, what do i do???)

Honestly PCT sucks to have personal troubles on (been there and it sucked ASS). You should try not to dwell and accept what happened. Wait a couple weeks until you are off your PCT to go to a therapist. by they, i think you'll realize that most of the depression has subsided and you'll deal with this like it was any other break up. You're young, ripped from a new cycle, and you have the ability to hook up with many girls. Also, you can probably find a girl who is better than you thought or ever imagined who doesn't have an ex she isn't over. This is just one of the bumps in life's road. And you just have to grit through and focus on the things you love and not on the bad.

 

[Vieope]

It's just so hard for me to accept that she could be so into me, and me into her, and then all of a sudden that's it.

I dont have an advice. But I experienced something similar years ago and I still cant understand it today.

This is a good time to call your friends and go out. That way you talk to other people, go out for a nice dinner.

 

[ponyboy]

Really after four months no matter how much time you spent together you were still only in the obsession phase and frankly, from what you said it sounds like you are better off with someone who is in the same stage of life and doesn't want to club/party all the time. I realize it sucks especially when it is new, but think about the previous girls you have dated in the past and how much better off you are now - change your perspective.

Sometimes stepping out of the box is the best way to get back to yourself and start focusing on what is really important. Like the others have said here, work out more, learn something you didn't know before and read a good book. Women will come and go but if you aren't happy with who you are without one then that's a real problem.

 

[Flex]

Keep your head up, Flex. Focus on your career goals and lose the distractions. There will be other women out there. I just went through this exact thing myself. It's tough, man.. but don't let your other things slide downhill by wasting too much time crying over this girl. Hopefully you didn't let her hurt your relationships with your friends and/or family like I did with my girl.

Thanks, bro.

I know there will be other woman, but that's the thing. I've hung out with/dated/slept with so many other women, and to be bluntly honest, there's NOT many good ones out there.

I'm slowly starting to feel better, (the clomid blues don't help at all), and I'm trying to not let it affect the rest of my life. But it's tough when you're in love with someone.

Although i didn't let her hurt my relationships with others, I def. stopped caring as much about my other relationships, which is a horrible thing to do.

back on topic.... i'm sorry Flex, i know that's a tough one. if it's not something you can work out all you can do is do your best to accept it and move toward getting over it. i try to see disappointments as life moving me toward something better.

Hi Little Wing, how are you, sweety?

You are right on with it's something you have to accept.
That's what I'm having the hardest time doing.

It's just, like i said before, I've met/hung out with/fooled around with SO many girls in my life, yet i thought she was "the one".
I dont' know what hurts worse...
the rejection feeling, or falsely believing she was "it".

Thanks again

you can probably find a girl who is better than you thought or ever imagined who doesn't have an ex she isn't over. This is just one of the bumps in life's road. And you just have to grit through and focus on the things you love and not on the bad.

You're right, bro.

Thanks.

Really after four months no matter how much time you spent together you were still only in the obsession phase and frankly, from what you said it sounds like you are better off with someone who is in the same stage of life and doesn't want to club/party all the time. I realize it sucks especially when it is new, but think about the previous girls you have dated in the past and how much better off you are now - change your perspective.

Sometimes stepping out of the box is the best way to get back to yourself and start focusing on what is really important. Like the others have said here, work out more, learn something you didn't know before and read a good book. Women will come and go but if you aren't happy with who you are without one then that's a real problem.

Thanks, Pony.

I'm probably better off with someone out of the club/party scene, but unfortunately, I fall for people themselves, not what they're in to.

As far as you're other advice, I am trying to keep myself busy, but I'm a daydreamer by nature, so my mind always seems to wander back to teh negative thoughts.

And that's the other thing, I WAS happy with who I am (or at least I thought I was). And she loved me for who I was.....until she started realizing she still had feelings for an ex and that we were into different things.

 

[ZECH]

Hang in there Flex. I just got out of a relationship of 7 months. And she ended it in emails. What a wimpy way to do things. I figure it is her loss, not mine. Went to a Superbowl party last night and hung out with a sexy 27yr old. It will get better!

 

[BigDyl]

Thanks, bro.

I know there will be other woman, but that's the thing. I've hung out with/dated/slept with so many other women, and to be bluntly honest, there's NOT many good ones out there.

I'm slowly starting to feel better, (the clomid blues don't help at all), and I'm trying to not let it affect the rest of my life. But it's tough when you're in love with someone.

Although i didn't let her hurt my relationships with others, I def. stopped caring as much about my other relationships, which is a horrible thing to do.





Hi Little Wing, how are you, sweety?

You are right on with it's something you have to accept.
That's what I'm having the hardest time doing.

It's just, like i said before, I've met/hung out with/fooled around with SO many girls in my life, yet i thought she was "the one".
I dont' know what hurts worse...
the rejection feeling, or falsely believing she was "it".

Thanks again




You're right, bro.

Thanks.




Thanks, Pony.

I'm probably better off with someone out of the club/party scene, but unfortunately, I fall for people themselves, not what they're in to.

As far as you're other advice, I am trying to keep myself busy, but I'm a daydreamer by nature, so my mind always seems to wander back to teh negative thoughts.

And that's the other thing, I WAS happy with who I am (or at least I thought I was). And she loved me for who I was.....until she started realizing she still had feelings for an ex and that we were into different things.

I got your back bro.


Remeber when I said I'd kill you lahst? I liiied.

 

[KentDog]

I dont' know what hurts worse...
the rejection feeling, or falsely believing she was "it".

This is what hurt most for me. Good to hear you're already doing better.

 

[Flex]

This is what hurt most for me. Good to hear you're already doing better.

thanks, bro.

I know......thinking she was "it" only to be dead wrong is like a slap ni the face.


I'm having the hardest time convincing myself that I did nothing wrong.
Lemme explain...
When she said "we're different", the main thing she referred to was how she likes to go out/drink/clubbing/dancing, whereas I am done with that phase of my life. One day when we were talking about it, i said something like "i'll change" or something like that. I can't help but feel i was too close-minded.

Someone please tell me that i'm just being overly analytical.

 

[BoneCrusher]

thanks, bro.

I know......thinking she was "it" only to be dead wrong is like a slap ni the face.


I'm having the hardest time convincing myself that I did nothing wrong.
Lemme explain...
When she said "we're different", the main thing she referred to was how she likes to go out/drink/clubbing/dancing, whereas I am done with that phase of my life. One day when we were talking about it, i said something like "i'll change" or something like that. I can't help but feel i was too close-minded.

Someone please tell me that i'm just being overly analytical.

We seem to see people from our own perspective, and sometimes even transfer our ideas into their heads. That is one of the deadliest things we can do as people is to think our significant other is in the same place in a relationship as we are ... fricken brutal when we get the memo that "I see us as too different". Baaaaammmmm we get the brick in the head with that memo attached. She did not feel the way about you that you felt about her ... even though you thought she did. That's what was in her memo to you. It's easy to get tricked on this one ... but fricken brutal too. She got into the relationship, did her thing, then moved on. She was not ever in love with you the way you were with her ... sucks bro. She saw this and knew that a year down the road for her woulda been a wasted year for her so she moved on with her life ... minus you.

Bro why change for another person? Why be other than who you are? You are past the booze phase right now so go with who you are instead of who you THINK she MIGHT want you to be ... cuz she might change next week and want another kinda thing. Then what ... you gonna become that guy too?

Step back, go out and get your horizontal bop on and put this one behind you. This is life calling you flex ...... time to pick up the phone.

 

[Flex]

We seem to see people from our own perspective, and sometimes even transfer our ideas into their heads. That is one of the deadliest things we can do as people is to think our significant other is in the same place in a relationship as we are ... fricken brutal when we get the memo that "I see us as too different". Baaaaammmmm we get the brick in the head with that memo attached. She did not feel the way about you that you felt about her ... even though you thought she did. That's what was in her memo to you. It's easy to get tricked on this one ... but fricken brutal too. She got into the relationship, did her thing, then moved on. She was not ever in love with you the way you were with her ... sucks bro. She saw this and knew that a year down the road for her woulda been a wasted year for her so she moved on with her life ... minus you.

Bro why change for another person? Why be other than who you are? You are past the booze phase right now so go with who you are instead of who you THINK she MIGHT want you to be ... cuz she might change next week and want another kinda thing. Then what ... you gonna become that guy too?

Step back, go out and get your horizontal bop on and put this one behind you. This is life calling you flex ...... time to pick up the phone.

Thanks a lot, bro.

The only thing is that she told me she *did* feel the same way about me for the first three months, but then she felt she wasn't in love with me as much as I was with her (like you said), and she wasn't in love with me like she was with her ex bf.

That's why it was killing me.......because it seemed to me like I did something wrong to cause that change.
This is when I started thinking "maybe I shoulda.....been more open-minded....been more willing to go out.... etc etc".
Not that I'd "change" myself so to speak, but just be more easy going.

I honestly believe that if we had taken it slower, she woulda realized what she had, but we got caught up in the infatuation.

She's an absolutely dropdead beautiful girl, so she is not used to rejection. Thus when her ex. left her, she couldn't handle it.
Girls like that love the chase, and it's too bad.

 

[ALBOB]

Went to a Superbowl party last night and hung out with a sexy 27yr old.

You ever learn how to speak Italian or did you keep your mouth shut and just eat her spicy lasagna?

 

[Decker]

First and foremost, hello to all my old friends.

I need some serious advice, guys and gals.


My girlfriend, who I was completely head over heels in love with, broke up with me a few weeks ago, and I am just SO freakin heartbroken.
It just so happens that she did it the week I was to start clomid for PCT (so test levels are way down, and estrogen is way up), so i literally feel like i'm depressed.

We dated for 4 months, but since we literally saw eachother and slept together 6 or 7 times/week, it wasn't a typical "only" 4 month relationship.

Things were absolutely great the first 3 and a half months, then she told me that she still had feelings for an ex-bf from a year ago that she never got over, and that she saw us as too different (she's a social butterfly and likes to go out drinking/dancing/clubbing.....whereas I'm out of that phase).

It's just so hard for me to accept that she could be so into me, and me into her, and then all of a sudden that's it.

The worst thing is, is that we started hanging out literally one week after I bought my new house, so every single thing in the house reminds me of her.
Not to mention, of ALL the girls i've ever slept with and/or fooled around with, she was the first one that I've ever truely been in love with.

Does anyone have ANY suggestions or advice?

I'm willing to listen to ANYthing guys and gals, I think i'm depressed and like on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
(I'm going to see a therapist in a few weeks.......but until then, what do i do???)

I'm sorry you're feeling this bad. But there's nothing you should do. She has spoken.

Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder and she might come back to you. Don't wait for that though.

Everyone goes through this. Not that that bit of information will help. It's a cliche, but time does take care of these things.

I once carried such a feeling for about a year and a half.

 

[americanwit]

No matter who initiated the break, the end of a relationship is hard on one's ego. While going through the grieving process, it's important to move on with your life. Jumping into another relationship to build your self-esteem is not really the answer to the post-break up blues and self-doubts. Try some of these other tips to help put the past behind you, and look towards your future, with more confidence and self-esteem.

Aesthetics: Whether you are a man or a woman, having a fresh start often means changing your look. You may have been in a long- term relationship and "let yourself go." Many times there is a sense of complacency in long-term relationships, and our personal style and fitness might suffer. Take an honest look at yourself and let's make some positive changes to boost your self-esteem.

??? Hair and Make up: Changing and updating a hairstyle can be an important step in making you feel good about yourself after a break up. Both Men and Women can benefit from spending some time at a salon and updating their personal hairstyle. Put your trust in the stylist and allow them to suggest new looks for you. Be daring and take a leap. Changing your hair, and learning how to create fun new do's with it is a great way to start off your transformation.

Ladies, you might want to invite some friends along and make it a spa day. Relaxation and laughter with good friends is the best medicine for a broken heart and confused mind. Get a manicure or pedicure, have your make up done differently and follow it up with a night on the town. This is about the new you, emerging from your grief into your new confident self who knows she will survive.

??? The Clothes Make the Man or Woman! Have you gotten comfortable in your sweatpants rut? Time to spend some dough on new threads! You don't have to spend a fortune to pick up just a few new items to make you feel fresh and renewed. Bring a friend along on a shopping day, and get yourself a new outfit for dates and casual nights with friends. Buy apparel that brings a smile to your face, bright colors and fun styles will help break you out of the blues and bring your wardrobe into the new social scene.

??? Get in Shape: Whether you gained a few pounds or broke out of your previous healthy exercise routine, now is the time to reclaim the best that you can be by being fit and healthy. Join a gym, or even just set up an evening to walk with a neighbor, any kind of routine exercise will not only make you look good, but will allow your body to help make you feel better as well. Regular exercise is great for lifting depression, and seeing increases in your fitness level may encourage you to try out new sports like tennis, or even rock climbing! Decide what interests you and get your body moving!

Mental Changes: Now that the work of aesthetic changes is done, you need to focus your thoughts on the positives around you. Getting through the emotions of the break up is hard work, but working towards the future can give you hope and a purpose for your day.

??? Write it Out: You've cried, and talked to your friends endlessly about the loss of your relationship. You may be tempted to further clear the air by communicating with your Ex??? but don't look back. Write out your feelings in a journal, for your eyes only. This will give you the chance to honestly divest yourself of the pent up fears and frustrations that you may be afraid to confide to friends. The act of pouring your thoughts onto paper will also help you to stop perseverating on "what- ifs" and "should-of's." Once you write it out, put those thoughts away and get on with the business of happier living.

??? Set Goals: Having a hard time thinking of reasons to get out of bed in the morning? Don't convince yourself that you are worthless or uninteresting. It is simply not true. Setting concrete goals can help to remind you of the things you want to accomplish and your talents and skills. Get yourself a large dry erase board and hang it in your kitchen, hallway, or bedroom. Create three columns labeled "Goals", "Steps," and "Deadlines." Have you always wanted to travel to Italy? Find out what it would take to make that dream come true. Contact a travel agent and perhaps a friend who may like to go along. Figure out what it would take financially and logistically, and set you a reasonable goal of 6 months, or even 2 years! The deadline doesn't matter as long as you are reminded of your dream and are taking steps to make it happen. Maybe you would like to learn how to cook, dance, or even just spend more time with friends. Make these into goals and start pursuing your dreams. Taking classes or even socializing with friends can help rebuild ones self-esteem and provide you with much needed opportunities to meet new people, and get to know yourself!

The Best Revenge is to Live Well: No matter what you choose to do, choose to do something. Don't let the heartache of a lost relationship continue to affect you by making you believe you are undesirable or uninteresting. Get up and get out. Rebuild your self-esteem by following your own desires and interests and spend some much-deserved time on yourself. Whether you think you would most benefit from a massage or a gym membership, set your goals, and look toward your future as the self confident, and appealing person you are.

 

[Flex]

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

After having a pretty good day today, for some reason (i'm assuming it's the clomid), i felt like shit tonite, only to come home to a fuckin' IM from her after I've asked her many times now "please don't talk to me for my own good, in time we'll be friends"

I'm doing my best to ingore her and put her in the past, but how can i when she keeps fuckin popping up.

Do i f'n respond or no?

I no I shouldn't, but i can't help but feel like i have one more thing to say...
"i don't know how you felt about me, but the way you portrayed it made me believe you were in love with me, which made me fall for you so hard"

i keep asking myself........"what good would that accomplish", but i can't f'n help it.

I know i'm prob. blowing this WAY out of proportion, but i can't help it.
what do i do guys?

 

[BigDyl]

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

After having a pretty good day today, for some reason (i'm assuming it's the clomid), i felt like shit tonite, only to come home to a fuckin' IM from her after I've asked her many times now "please don't talk to me for my own good, in time we'll be friends"

I'm doing my best to ingore her and put her in the past, but how can i when she keeps fuckin popping up.

Do i f'n respond or no?

I no I shouldn't, but i can't help but feel like i have one more thing to say...
"i don't know how you felt about me, but the way you portrayed it made me believe you were in love with me, which made me fall for you so hard"

i keep asking myself........"what good would that accomplish", but i can't f'n help it.

I know i'm prob. blowing this WAY out of proportion, but i can't help it.
what do i do guys?

You should tell her how you feel, then say you can't talk to her anymore unless she feels the same way.

 

[ABCs]

I would say don't respenond. Give yourself enough time to recover, gather your thoughts, and feel better. Then, slowly start talking to her. Talking to her in this state will only make you want to hang on to something that no longer exists.

 

[KentDog]

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

After having a pretty good day today, for some reason (i'm assuming it's the clomid), i felt like shit tonite, only to come home to a fuckin' IM from her after I've asked her many times now "please don't talk to me for my own good, in time we'll be friends"

I'm doing my best to ingore her and put her in the past, but how can i when she keeps fuckin popping up.

Do i f'n respond or no?

I no I shouldn't, but i can't help but feel like i have one more thing to say...
"i don't know how you felt about me, but the way you portrayed it made me believe you were in love with me, which made me fall for you so hard"

i keep asking myself........"what good would that accomplish", but i can't f'n help it.

I know i'm prob. blowing this WAY out of proportion, but i can't help it.
what do i do guys?

Same thing happened to me. Thing is, the more and more I think about it, the more and more I feel she played me... like she didn't really think I was going to be the guy she was going to marry in the end but didn't want to be alone so she said what she thought would make me happy to keep me infatuated with her, which is what she wanted.

I know many people here will disagree with me here, but I say you cut her off for good. You will find someone else and you will be just as happy or happier with her. Try to give the next girl a fair shot... no one likes baggage from a previous relationship.

 

[largepkg]

Flex, brother, the easy thing to do is respond. Try to step out of the situation. I know it's extremely hard, I was there 3-4 years ago. Mine was a much more lengthy relationship but the dealing was/is the same.

Walk away Bro! I won't sugar coat it, it sucks and will suck for some time but this will be something to grow and learn from. The majority of us have been through it and this is the best advise you'll get. Keep busy with what you enjoy and rely on your friends Homie. Don't bottle it up. Talk about it with your boys. More than likely they'll be there to take your mind off the situation. That's what friends are for.

There's no magic pill or easy solution. Time Bro...time.

Good luck!

 

[ABCs]

There's no magic pill or easy solution. Time Bro...time.

Good luck!

I would have to disagree, ecstacy works wonders in these situations. Just kidding man.

Flex, I've been through 2 extremely long relationships just like yours. I didn't talk to them afterwards and moved on. But guess what now? I talk to and see both of those girls on a regular basis. It takes time to get over it, but life will take it's course and if you guys are meant to meet back up, it will happen.

 

[NordicNacho]

Next time maybe take it slower, live and learn I now how it feels. Look into cognative thinking it's not what happens in your life its how you percieve it. Trust me I know how it feels

 

[largepkg]

I would have to disagree, ecstacy works wonders in these situations. Just kidding man.

That's our secret.

 

[ABCs]

That's our secret.

Oops.

 

[CRASHMAN]

Get some nolva.

 

[CRASHMAN]

And stop talking to her period. Stop reading what she has to say. Stop responding. If she wanted it over, it's over. All that "wanting to know answers" is going to do is give her more of an opportunity to fuck with your head. It may not her intentions, but it will fuck with your head no matter what.

 

[BoneCrusher]

Women do not like men who are too easy. You touched on that when you observed on her feelings about rejection. Be reserved and stay that way for her. See if she responds. If that's what she needs and you don't like being that way then curb kick her.

Just don't be her bitch she goes too when she doesn't get what she really wants from some other guy ... make sense?

 

[ABCs]

Just don't be her bitch she goes too when she doesn't get what she really wants from some other guy ... make sense?

Make that a huge bullet point when dealing with this chick. I've experienced her type before. Get rid of her 100% or be extremely reserved and see how she responds. More often then not with her type she'll flip out from the attention withdrawl.

 

[CRASHMAN]

Women do not like men who are too easy. You touched on that when you observed on her feelings about rejection. Be reserved and stay that way for her. See if she responds. If that's what she needs and you don't like being that way then curb kick her.

Just don't be her bitch she goes too when she doesn't get what she really wants from some other guy ... make sense?

Make that a huge bullet point when dealing with this chick. I've experienced her type before. Get rid of her 100% or be extremely reserved and see how she responds. More often then not with her type she'll flip out from the attention withdrawl.

 

[ZECH]

You ever learn how to speak Italian or did you keep your mouth shut and just eat her spicy lasagna?

I behaved myself. Although I did get back to back with her ass trying to pop her back/neck. And I saw her crack!