Performance Anxiety

[AKIRA]

God Dammit

Ive had this since my 3rd girlfriend. Sometimes, I cant get it up! Not to save my fucking life! Blow jobs usually work, but enough is enough...heres my lil story..

Over the Christmas Vacation, I met up with an old flame that I used to have sex with 7 years ago. Even back then, (I was 20 she was 16), I had a hard time getting hard. She really though I wasnt attracted to her. In any case, when she sucked me off, I was ok.

However, we met again and she looked better than before! We got drunk at her house and...nope, there was no luck fucking that night, but in the morning, I was No blowjob needed!

Then there was the last night I was in town, I was back to square fucking one! A blowjob did the trick, but in the morning, I tried thinking happy thoughts, get half, hard then it went away.

She really thinks I am not attracted to her.

But this has happened before! Theres nothing physically wrong with me. I can get hard with pornos instantly and you can set your clock to one almost every morning (not the one in the 2nd half of the story though )

When this happens, physically, I have a warm feeling on the back of my head and the pit of my stomach. It actually hurts a lil bit sometimes and creates pressure. Almost like it sucks the blood from my dick, back into the torso. This physical change serves as a major distraction and boom, I am flacid.


Methods to counter act it?

-Breathing, relaxing, concentrate on sex thoughts..temporary though

-Blowjobs. They do the trick, but even though its bliss, it shouldnt be NEEDED.

-Alcohol. Yeah, it does work sometimes and at others, it makes it worse, e.g. "whiskey dick"


Since ive had experience with anxiety before, I know that the first question on the path to health is to ask 'what was I thinking before these physical changes occur?' Really, I am thinking "please dont happen again."

Now, if I had a girlfriend, its usually never a problem, but I like this girl..a LOT. I consider her "the one that got away," so its not just some bang.

HOWEVER..

It happens with "Bangs" and sometimes it doesnt...


Guys...I seriously need some spiritual healing. Ive taken pills too and theyve helped, but again, I shouldnt need them.

If anyone and I mean ANYONE has had this shit happen as much as it has happened to me and has cured (or almost) it, please tell me how.


Thanks and have fun with the embarrassment!

 

[NordicNacho]

go down on her if you really like her and just try to gey her off. Its one of those things where the more you think about it the more problems you'll have and the less fun sex will be.

google that shit too

but number one is relax its not big deal if you can't get it up that the tude you need.

 

[KelJu]

Do you have health insurance? Please see a doctor dude, problems in that area can make intimacy impossible. The problem could be physical or psychological. I would get checked out.

 

[Doublebase]

Maybe you are jerking off to much? Stop masturbating for a few days and see if that helps.

 

[fufu]

I am assuming it is all mental. I think you are overthinking things surrounding the sexual experience and that is causing your body not to act in natural fashion. Have you tried any kind of meditation? Relaxation is key!

Do you smoke weed? Get high!

 

[KelJu]

I am assuming it is all mental. I think you are overthinking things surrounding the sexual experience and that is causing your body not to act in natural fashion. Have you tried any kind of meditation? Relaxation is key!

Do you smoke weed? Get high!

Excellent advice! Getting high relaxes me and increases sexual stimulation 3 fold.

 

[Dale Mabry]

You need to turn that old pussy into new pussy...

I just wanted to say that.

 

[shiznit2169]

Stop drinking alcohol and drink more water. Also, don't masturbate for a while and you really need to be mentally focused. Just breathe, relax and think about good images that helps you get aroused.

 

[Dale Mabry]

Stop drinking alcohol and drink more water. Also, don't masturbate for a while and you really need to be mentally focused. Just breathe, relax and think about good images that helps you get aroused.

Is this what Belicheck tells the Pats before every game?

 

[shiznit2169]

Is this what Belicheck tells the Pats before every game?

Precisely. Why do you think Brady poses in a fur jacket and a cowboy hat while holding a goat? If those two plus a degrading scene in "Brokeback Mountain" are his positive images that helps him go 16-0 and win the SB this year and shatter all kinds of records, then so be it.

As for Belichick, he always has his humble pie.

 

[goob]

I think you hit the nail on the head from square one. It's in the head. Reading between the lines, being an old flame you have pride at stake. Subconciously you wanted to show her that you had become a better man since last time (knowledge+techinique etc....inclusive of the 'problems since last time'). - Time has the effect of amplifying things for some reason, sometimes.

Sounds like your putting a shit load of subconcious pressure on yourself.
Pressure (in some ways) = limp dick. (Doubly since you had this before....- maybe not with her - but I bet its the ones you were 'into to ')

Because you like her a 'LOT', you're fucking yourself up by setting standards for yourself you would'nt normally if it was just a run of the mill pick up.

Basically dude, it's mental.

 

[AKIRA]

It IS mental. Whenever I have a chance to fuck someone I am not very into, I have zero problems getting hard. But...why fuck a girl youre not in to? (rhetorical question there..)

I seriously do need to relax, but I really dont know how. I know how to fight off a panic attack pretty well and even fight off a temper that might result is ruining everyones good time, but this shit sucks. Its like if I take the time to relax, that relaxation time throws me off of the idea that there is a hot naked girl on top of my limp, jello filled cock.

I take it this hasnt happened to any one on here huh.

 

[fufu]

Same reason people have problems approaching very attractive women while ineracting with less attractive women is easy and attracting them is even easier, almost unwanted at times.

It is probably worrying about wanting to prove yourself and measure up, no pun intended. You just have to find a more suitable mental context between you too for yourself.

 

[KelJu]

I take it this hasnt happened to any one on here huh.

No dude, the reason I have maintained a serious tone throughout this thread is because it has happened to me before. The very first time I had sex my shit went limp. I had built it up in my head how sex was the "be all end all" of existence. I wanted to be the best lover ever. The pressure I put on myself destroyed the experience.

My first girlfriend was fine ass hell, too. That made matters worse. If the problem is in your head, then conventional medicines is probably the wrong course of action. You need to work on your head a little bit, no pun intended. I'm gonna send you soem stuff that might help.

 

[AKIRA]

I am glad I am not alone, but I know some people back home that have this happen to them. They are still in the same boat as me even now.

I cant understand how certain hornball guys can fuck easily all the time with random women. I can SOMETIMES, but...well you know my story.

Truth is, and its no surprise, I am a horn ball! I cant stop looking at girls at work and at school. This might be where this shit stems from, but honestly, I like looking.

Ill look into KelJus site after the UFC, but damn...I hope I didnt 'blow it' with this girl when I go back.

 

[min0 lee]

I think the root of your problem is that eveytime you look into your girlfriends face this is what you see....

 

[HialeahChico305]

but damn...I hope I didnt 'blow it' with this girl when I go back.

girls are not dumb, she must suspect something is goin on........IMO its better for her to think that your problem occured because your not 100 percent into her then for her to think you have a problem getting it up, either way if you can't satisfy her sooner or later she will look for someone that can, no matter how much she likes you. thats just how it goes. I've had your problem happen to me once and it was because I was putting to much preassure on myself because I really liked the girl. I have an idea of how your feeling after a experience like that because I've been there too. It's all mental when you think about it, just have fun and stop overthinking it.

 

[HialeahChico305]

I think the root of your problem is that eveytime you look into your girlfriends face this is what you see....

who the hell is that? that his girl?

 

[AKIRA]

girls are not dumb, she must suspect something is goin on........IMO its better for her to think that your problem occured because your not 100 percent into her then for her to think you have a problem getting it up, either way if you can't satisfy her sooner or later she will look for someone that can, no matter how much she likes you. thats just how it goes. I've had your problem happen to me once and it was because I was putting to much preassure on myself because I really liked the girl. I have an idea of how your feeling after a experience like that because I've been there too. It's all mental when you think about it, just have fun and stop overthinking it.

Ive had this problem aroudn the first time I fucked her (I was 18-19). I know what it is...it IS mental. I just dont know HOW to over come it! She is not the only one its happened with either.

It just truly sucks that it happens with a girl that is HOT and that I have fucked more than once and yet, I am still having this problem.

Truth is, I like this girl intensely. She is the "one that got away." We never truly dated cuz she was a fucking nut case, but this girl can look bad in so many ways and I dont care, I am simply that much satisfied with her.

Now...you see the pressure? I feel this naturally and I believe she does feel the same way or doesnt cuz of defensive issues. Bottom line, the girl is a nut! However, if this girl comes and goes, someone else will enter the SAME scenario, so I must use this as a template for recovery.

God damn, this feels so silly, but I know my story will help others..

 

[HialeahChico305]

Im guessing the first time your problem occurred has had an effect on you and its always in the back of your mind......Because I know it was in the back of mine after It happend to me but I learned to over come it. I have the best sex when I dont put pressure on myself and just have fun. after a couple of good sexual experiences I feel like Im on a row and my self esteem goes through the roof..I guess just think about the good times that you have and put behind the bad ones......If you get fustrated your just gonna make it worse. All I can say dude I feel your pain,but you gotta take control. I would really take Keljus advice and seek some help. This isn't about the girl anymore its about you.

 

[HialeahChico305]

Bottom line, the girl is a nut! However, if this girl comes and goes, someone else will enter the SAME scenario, so I must use this as a template for recovery.

God damn, this feels so silly, but I know my story will help others..

and when you say a nut do you mean she craves sex 24-7? like a nympho? because those types of females are hard to tame........it's not safe to fall in love with those, eventually you will get your feelings hurt. so I wouln't get too attached.even if you give them good dick after a while they will cheat on you behind your back. you gotta have your game on top to satisfy them. dont show any weakness and make a quick recovery...hope all goes well.

 

[AKIRA]

No shes a nut cuz...well, shes just got issues.

In any case, since I have zero shit to do today, I will go to Kelju's site today while I unpack my things.

Oh and to answer your question, yes, ever since the first time this happened, it has never been forgotten.

A few mental attacks I keep inflicting on myself are thoughts of "it shouldnt be like this."

But fuck it, Ill see what I can do from here on out and report in when things get better.

 

[Gazhole]

Seriously, the cliche is right - it DOES happen to everybody. Dont sweat it.

It can be a number of things, usually mental like youve said already - you just overthink it and it doesnt work, or can be overtiredness, or the dreaded whiskey dick etc.

You just have to put the thoughts out of your head, otherwise itll just end up like a feedback loop where you fail so you cant get it up so you fail again so you cant get it up etc etc.

Just concentrate on the moment and how good it is. Perhaps get her off first through other methods to take that pressure off, plus that gives you points with her anyway, haha.

Having been there myself i hope it works out for you man

 

[A Black Guy]

Don't worry. The short guy with the mustache from the party had the same thing happen with her.

 

[PreMier]

i had it happen before. i like older women.. like 33-40ish (im 25). so sometimes i think about the dudes they might have been with and wonder if i will 'perform' alright. its only happened once or twice, my problem comes with getting off. sometimes i dont cum, and trust me thats as bad as not getting hard because they think its them lol

i think you just need to relax(like everyone says) and also stop looking at porn. seriously, when you look at porn you get de sensatised(sp) and it will be harder to get an erection.

 

[A Black Guy]

i think you just need to relax(like everyone says) and also stop looking at porn. seriously, when you look at porn you get de sensatised(sp) and it will be harder to get an erection.

wat?

 

[MCx2]

If it wasn't for porno, I'd never get a boner.

 

[PreMier]

yea i said it stop looking at porn so much. if you need a bj to get hard(unless your watching porn) there is a problem.

 

[min0 lee]

Maybe your on the wrong team?

 

[AKIRA]

Thanks min0.

No, thank you ABG!

Thats kinda true with the porn. Because of all the shit Ive seen in porn, I need more shit to get me excited cuz..well, Ive seen it already.

Then again..I can get hard with an older lady the moment I get in her bed. Shit, she can be in the bathroom taking a shit and ill be hard in the bed...then again, I dont CARE.

I have been watching KelJus stuff and am almost done with just the first vid and I can see myself in most of the scenarios theyve listed.

For instance, in the vid they talk about living in the past/future and not in the present. If I did, I might be able to pay attention to the scents, the licks, the sucks, and finally the fucks, rather than...will she want me tomorrow.

Man, I sound like a emotional fucking cripple.