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I really do understand.
I grew up dirt poor. And I mean poor. I've lived on the streets, in a shack, hotels, motels, and the like. And sometimes going without food for a day or two.
There were plenty of bad habits, and self-conceptions, that I had to get rid of. Plus, I had to develop a lot of healthy traits.
Growing up that poor makes for a poor self-esteem. It took some time, but made the changes. And I have no doubt that you, and ptwannabe, can do the same.
I hope I can change. I'm hoping moving off to college will allow me to be outgoing, I can just act like an outgoing person at first impressions to new people and then that will break it...hopefully. Though its probably one of those easier said then done things.