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Well I did it...

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NeilPearson said:
hmmm... she wants me to leave for a couple of weeks so she can think.

I don't want to leave my house... I am supposed to be getting it anyway. Why the hell should I leave? I can sleep in a different room but I don't want to leave. She is going to be really pissed if I stay though.

What should I do?
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I've been in your shoes. Don't leave and as other said, don't trust her. Divorce can bring out the worst in even the best people that you thought you could trust. I learned the hard way. After 11 years of relationship and thousands and thousands of dollars in equity, savings and retirement, I got a whopping 5K out of it and about 1/8th of the belongings. All because I trusted him to do the right thing. I was dumb and naive. But that was 6 years ago now so c'est la vie. You live and learn I guess.
 
I talked her into letting me stay...

We divided up all the cash and investments today and opened new accounts, got new credit cards and everything so we don't have access to each others money anymore at all. So I feel safe from possible aggressive spending :P

I agreed to pay the mortgage and bills for a couple months while she looks for a place and we decide a cash value on everything.... then I get a second mortgage, pay her out and that should be that.

She booked a trip home for two weeks... getting back 2 days before I am going on a week trip. I don't care if she takes everything and sells it or whatever. It will just reduce what I have to pay out when she leaves.

I think it will be alright
 
AKIRA said:
I just watched that episode. "WhiteCaps" The lawyer that was going to sell him that beach house gave him that advice.

I know some lawyers do free consultations, but how much do others charge?
Click to expand...

Mine was free. I just paid the various fees to file the paper work and did it myself. She signed everything ... after 37 hours with her feet in tub of hot wax and one of them deals you use for doing ear tests placed on her head and set to max she was ready to sign anything. It's all in the technique really ...
 
I tried staying in the other room until she found a place. She started questioning where I was and who I was with so I said screw it and moved into a extended stay hotel for 8 weeks. Wrote her a $203k check and two days ago I moved back into my wifeless house. She took good care of everything when I was gone and didn't take too much more than we had agreed on.
 
NeilPearson said:
I tried staying in the other room until she found a place. She started questioning where I was and who I was with so I said screw it and moved into a extended stay hotel for 8 weeks. Wrote her a $203k check and two days ago I moved back into my wifeless house. She took good care of everything when I was gone and didn't take too much more than we had agreed on.
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What do you do for a living??
 
Dayum.. thats sad :( Divorce sucks, hope everything is ok
 
was i the only one who while reading this thought, marriage is a commitment and maybe instead of just writting a check, both parties may have tried focusing on one another?

like little wing said, its obvious communication broke down a long time ago. each became selfish and self involved and grew apart. i'm not trying to be a dick here or anything, it just seems sad that marriages are thrown away at what seems to be a whim.

best of luck to you in the future neil
 
bio-chem said:
was i the only one who while reading this thought, marriage is a commitment and maybe instead of just writting a check, both parties may have tried focusing on one another?

like little wing said, its obvious communication broke down a long time ago. each became selfish and self involved and grew apart. i'm not trying to be a dick here or anything, it just seems sad that marriages are thrown away at what seems to be a whim.

best of luck to you in the future neil
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We always had good communication. We still get along great. We never really fought. It was just kind of boring doing the same old thing... I could have made it work but I didn't really want to try focusing on one another.

I don't want to limit myself to one person for the rest of my life. I was stupid to make that decision. Why should I have to live with the consequences of a stupid young decision for the rest of my life?

I don't think there is anything sad about it. She will go on and find someone that is actually interested in the things she wants to do and I will have complete control over my life again. I get to do what and who I want. There are no kids. I don't see the problem.

New love and chasing new girls is way more fun. The first 6 months of a relationship are the best. Way better than being married.
 
NeilPearson said:
We always had good communication. We still get along great. We never really fought. It was just kind of boring doing the same old thing... I could have made it work but I didn't really want to try focusing on one another.

I don't want to limit myself to one person for the rest of my life. I was stupid to make that decision. Why should I have to live with the consequences of a stupid young decision for the rest of my life?

I don't think there is anything sad about it. She will go on and find someone that is actually interested in the things she wants to do and I will have complete control over my life again. I get to do what and who I want. There are no kids. I don't see the problem.

New love and chasing new girls is way more fun. The first 6 months of a relationship are the best. Way better than being married.
Click to expand...

That is a nice chunk of change. How old were you when you got married? Should I get a prenup before I get married? I am not rich but I see myself having a lot of money in assests down the road but they will be both of ours.
 
NeilPearson said:
We always had good communication. We still get along great. We never really fought. It was just kind of boring doing the same old thing... I could have made it work but I didn't really want to try focusing on one another.

I don't want to limit myself to one person for the rest of my life. I was stupid to make that decision. Why should I have to live with the consequences of a stupid young decision for the rest of my life?

I don't think there is anything sad about it. She will go on and find someone that is actually interested in the things she wants to do and I will have complete control over my life again. I get to do what and who I want. There are no kids. I don't see the problem.

New love and chasing new girls is way more fun. The first 6 months of a relationship are the best. Way better than being married.
Click to expand...

Spoken like a prodigy.
 
NeilPearson said:
We always had good communication. We still get along great. We never really fought. It was just kind of boring doing the same old thing... I could have made it work but I didn't really want to try focusing on one another.

I don't want to limit myself to one person for the rest of my life. I was stupid to make that decision. Why should I have to live with the consequences of a stupid young decision for the rest of my life?

I don't think there is anything sad about it. She will go on and find someone that is actually interested in the things she wants to do and I will have complete control over my life again. I get to do what and who I want. There are no kids. I don't see the problem.

New love and chasing new girls is way more fun. The first 6 months of a relationship are the best. Way better than being married.
Click to expand...


i guess a promise of commitment doesnt mean what it used to. your making your wife go through a lot of heartache because you dont want to live with the results of your choices. im sure down the road she will be happier, though i doubt she thinks about that right now. and its hard to believe the happiness she will eventually find will make up for the happiness you two could have shared had you been willing to commit to your wife.

like i said, best of luck to you. it just seems sad and a waste
 
Finding the perfect soul mate is hard, shit it's almost impossible.

Bio- I think if Neil would have stayed it would have been worse for the two of them, being in an affair where love is a one way street is roadway to disaster.
 
min0 lee said:
Finding the perfect soul mate is hard, shit it's almost impossible.

Bio- I think if Neil would have stayed it would have been worse for the two of them, being in an affair where love is a one way street is roadway to disaster.
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since when is love an on/off switch? of course your right, if he isnt willing to put time or effort in the relationship then she is better off. its not like im against divorce, i believe in certain circumstances its needed for both parties to be happy. but to treat it so........hell its not a purchase with a return policy. it seems childish and imature to me to treat it so
 
I am against divorce, when my parents separted it hurt me deeply.
I was close to my father, but after the divorce it was never the same.

I swore to myself that the next person I get involved with was the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I will do anything to make it work and to keep the flame alive.

I don't want my kids to feel that void I grew up with.
 
Neil, do you see yourself single for the rest of your life?
 
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min0 lee said:
I am against divorce, when my parents separted it hurt me deeply.
I was close to my father, but after the divorce it was never the same.

I swore to myself that the next person I get involved with was the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I will do anything to make it work and to keep the flame alive.

I don't want my kids to feel that void I grew up with.
Click to expand...

this is the attitude we need more of
 
Doublebase said:
That is a nice chunk of change. How old were you when you got married? Should I get a prenup before I get married? I am not rich but I see myself having a lot of money in assests down the road but they will be both of ours.
Click to expand...

I was 25 when I got married. A prenup can't hurt.
 
bio-chem said:
i guess a promise of commitment doesnt mean what it used to. your making your wife go through a lot of heartache because you dont want to live with the results of your choices. im sure down the road she will be happier, though i doubt she thinks about that right now. and its hard to believe the happiness she will eventually find will make up for the happiness you two could have shared had you been willing to commit to your wife.

like i said, best of luck to you. it just seems sad and a waste
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Why? So we can end up old, miserable and unhappy like so many couples that stayed together?

50% of marriages end in divorce. Of the ones that don't, how many are actually happy and how many are the people just in it because they made the commitment. I know a ton of older married couples who just tolerate each other and complain about each other behind the others back. I have no interest in ending up like that.
 
dg806 said:
Neil, do you see yourself single for the rest of your life?
Click to expand...

Yes, I will never marry again. I don't believe I could be happy with just one person forever and I will never tie my finances up with anyone else again. If a girl is with me, I want her to be there because she wants to and not because we made a commitment years before or because we are financially dependent on each other.

I believe people change and grow. You never know what direction you might want to take your life in. I will have girls that are great friends and lovers and I will continue with them while it is working and we are having fun. I am not going to claim that I will be with any of them forever though.
 
NeilPearson said:
If I had kids, things probably would have been different
Click to expand...

i dont see why a commitment to children should be different than to a spouse
 
bio-chem said:
i dont see why a commitment to children should be different than to a spouse
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I am going to assume you don't have kids.... but there is a huge difference.

Kids are dependant and develop around there environment. A married couple not so much.
 
DOMS said:
Well, it is different. If you have children, it's more economically viable to kill your spouse instead of divorcing.
Click to expand...

ah now i see, the oj simpson defense
 
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