I have made an ass of myself on this site for a while now. I have been arguing just to argue and posting worthless, stupid shit void of any value to anyone. I have revealed on this site that I have been battling heroin addiction for 5 years or so, with a year and a half of recovery spread throughout that time. I had been 6 months clean and relapsed. Just had 6 months again and relapsed about a month ago and been doing it increasingly frequently ever since. I have been IV'ing heroin and coke and eating xanax and smoking hella weed. Been drunk a few times in the past month. I am going nowhere fast. Haven't made any gains in strength or size in that month. Stuck at 225. My girlfriend left me when she found needles a couple weeks ago. Without her income, coupled with my prolonged increasingly expensive binge, I can't afford keep my apartment. This weekend, I will be moving back in with my mom. I'm 22 fucking years old and moving back to mommy's house. My summer job will be over in 2 weeks and I don't have anything else lined up. I will be commuting to school from my mom's house in the fall and have no income lined up at the moment. My life is so fucking worthless right now. I'm at least 4 years from getting any kind of real job I and I don't even know what I want to do for a career right now. Either a pharmacologist, Pharmacist, Chemist. I have dreams and aspirations of being a scientist for a supplement company and developing and producing new supplements and brewing gear and eventually opening my own placebo company, but I'll never get there if I keep relapsing every 6 months. I know I am about to get ripped because this is AG and I've made a few enemies with my stupid mean-hearted bullshit ass young attitude, but any words of encouragement would mean the world to me right now. I'm suicidal as fuck and I have enough dope to do it. Idk what to do. Here come the insults but I deserve it.
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Meltdown of the Year/Pathetic Cry for Help
- Thread starter Diesel618
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You def should not be involved with those jobs
Thanks for actually taking the time to read this KOS. I know you have been through a lot and believe it or not I have a lot of respect for you as a man. I have thought a lot about if I would do ok in chemistry type jobs, but that's what my degree is in. Biology/Chemistry. Idk what else to do.
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Lol
Really? You have a serious drug problem and you are worried about what career to get into? Get a fucking job (anything), get off the fucking dope, and then figure out what you want to do for a career. I know it's not easy, I struggle with depression and other similar issues almost constantly, but until you gain some control over addictive behavior, you have nowhere to go. One step at a time. Oh, and beware of xanax, that shit is very addictive, if I had some I would be popping them like Pez.
Iv been in your shoes at 22 and your lucky mom even lets you come home, my mom moved to another town when I was locked up and wanted me to get clean for a year before I could even know where she lived, Iv spent years of my life loaded,locked up and in rehab, I finally had to change after losing every thing and was on my way to prison, my family disowned me I was homeless and husuled every day for the next fix, some how I found the strength to stay clean, ya I did go through the steps but the program is a joke to me now, but it did help. after getting that year the love of my family came back, I started working, hanging around with clean people, because when your alone in your head its a very dangerous place, I soon meet my wife and later had a kid and I promised that little baby boy he would never see me loaded and Iv stuck to that promise May 18 2006 was the last time I used and today I love my life and have no desieir to use again. get some time under your belt bro work the steps hit some meetings, you can overcome it but you have to want it! They say 90% of heroin addicts will never pull it off but I was in that 10% that did.
I appreciate that Chucky. I knew you had overcome H and I have a lot of respect for you for it. Hopefully I can get to the other side of this recovery thing, but I've failed so many times at it. I'm gonna do my best to dust myself off and get back in the program. So much of NA/AA is bullshit IMO though. Sooo much God and little stupid cliche' sayings and it pisses me off, but a lot of it is very helpful, like being around other clean addicts and the support, and the steps and what they teach you about yourself. All I know is I can't do it alone. NA has helped millions of addicts get clean, so I know it can work for me. I just gotta finally step up and be a man and do it and leave the kiddy shit behind. I've let this shit run my life for far too long. I'm steppin out of these shackles once and for all. FUCK THIS SHIT!
I feel the same way bro but use it for the better also I quit every thing when I got clean no booze no weed just coffee and gym bro, now I like to smoke weed at night some times to come down from PWO stems and Ill drink once in a while but I didn't make the choice till after about 5 years of sobriety, you can do it bro, just takes time.
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I had a meth addiction.As a young guy riding a harley i fell into use with those people.I could workout,work 60+ hours a week,and stay up all weekend.Seemed like a great deal at the time.After about 7 years my usage became much larger.I was buying a couple 8's a week.First time someone called me a meth head,i started to think about quiting.I had always prided myself on my ability to control it.Needless to say eventually i didnt control it.I got arrested with it and cahrged with a felony.At the time the rest of my life was falling apart also.(my rock bottom) I got a defered judgement,witch means if i followed the conditions of the court it would not be on my record.One of the conditions was to go to out patient treatment for a year. As much as that group teatment wasnt my thing,it was what gave me enough support to quit.Been 6 years now clean,and i dont wanna ever go back to that lifestyle.
Hopefully this is your rock bottom.Your life isnt worthless.Get sum help.None of us want to get help and talk about things when we feel shamefull about.But it helps to be aroud people that have the same problem.And finally id say quite hanging around with other users.There is no way to stay clean when others are useing around you.Good luck bro!
Hopefully this is your rock bottom.Your life isnt worthless.Get sum help.None of us want to get help and talk about things when we feel shamefull about.But it helps to be aroud people that have the same problem.And finally id say quite hanging around with other users.There is no way to stay clean when others are useing around you.Good luck bro!
Either a pharmacologist, Pharmacist,
now come on... i know you know better than this. pick something that's not inviting major trouble. and you are young don't sweat it so much. trust me there are going to be many things that seem so stressful and horrible and before you know it they will be a memory 5 years behind you and all the sweating you did will have been for nothing. mark twain said he had a great many troubles in his life and most of them never happened. i have learned to just trust that i will get by this struggle like i did 15 others and i don't need to sweat my balls off just like i never really had to all those other times i did. relax. slow down and enjoy your life a bit. be grateful for the opportunity to go to school and just make sure you don't blow it. college is not that hard.
now come on... i know you know better than this. pick something that's not inviting major trouble. and you are young don't sweat it so much. trust me there are going to be many things that seem so stressful and horrible and before you know it they will be a memory 5 years behind you and all the sweating you did will have been for nothing. mark twain said he had a great many troubles in his life and most of them never happened. i have learned to just trust that i will get by this struggle like i did 15 others and i don't need to sweat my balls off just like i never really had to all those other times i did. relax. slow down and enjoy your life a bit. be grateful for the opportunity to go to school and just make sure you don't blow it. college is not that hard.
You probably really should stay away from anything to do with pharmacy. Concentrate on getting off the drugs because that is going to be your biggest hurdle in getting a job, especially one where you may be dispensing drugs.
Check into a full time mental health facility for a while until you're fully clean. Worry about the cost of rehab later.
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Your heroin addiction should be your focus, imo.
You're only 22, so give yourself a break.
Probably better off without the girl at this time. Yes, be grateful you can move back home.
What are you studying in school? Best wishes with that. Any degree will help to some degree. A university degree is like a high school diploma these days.
Your life is not worthless. Suicide is a selfish act, so please get that out of your head.
I applaud you for telling your story and encourage you to check into counseling or a local NA or other 12-step program.
You're only 22, so give yourself a break.
Probably better off without the girl at this time. Yes, be grateful you can move back home.
What are you studying in school? Best wishes with that. Any degree will help to some degree. A university degree is like a high school diploma these days.
Your life is not worthless. Suicide is a selfish act, so please get that out of your head.
I applaud you for telling your story and encourage you to check into counseling or a local NA or other 12-step program.
I just graduated with a Bachelor's in Biology and a Bachelor's in Chemistry. I got a stipend to go for my master's in chemistry. I'm just going to focus on keeping my GPA up and trust that the career choice will come to me as I get further in.
I appreciate everyone's words of encouragement. It's time for me to grow up and be a man, and do what I need to do to build a life for myself. I hate myself when I'm using. When I'm clean the sky is the limit. I'm just going to put my focus on staying clean, killing it in school, and killing it in the gym and one day stepping on an NPC stage!
I appreciate everyone's words of encouragement. It's time for me to grow up and be a man, and do what I need to do to build a life for myself. I hate myself when I'm using. When I'm clean the sky is the limit. I'm just going to put my focus on staying clean, killing it in school, and killing it in the gym and one day stepping on an NPC stage!
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Congratulations!
It will all work out.
Get a mentor if you don't have one already and pray for good advice. lol Isn't there a professor on campus whose brain you can pick?
when i quit doing cocaine in the late 70s i went to the hospital because i quit cold turkey on the tail end of a bad mushroom trip and didn't sleep for 5 days. back then they kept the druggies with the loonies so i met people so much worse off than me i forgot myself and just wanted to help them. a boy merely 18 tried to commit suicide over a break up, a man was learning to eat and care for himself with no lower arms, this old woman kept imagining her legs stopped working.... a guy thought he was elvis. lol. he asked did i want to see his elvis i said yes and he left. a few minutes later he came in singing i did it my way to the whole room at lunch. i had no idea why he was there and that i had encouraged his delusion. fucking depression and insomnia was hell and i decided i never wanted to put myself in that position again. cocaine is the most retarded drug ever it makes you feel like shit. anxiety is not cool. i still screwed with acid after that, vallium, mushrooms, codeine... lots of pot but as soon as i decided to be a mom none of that was worth it. people quit when they are ready to. when something is more important than a good time or being cool or part of the crowd. it might be family, health, a career. find your reason. and accept your failures as human. i love that i have a past. every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
ltfol i mistyped sinner and auto correct asked if it was skinner i was trying to spell. anyway every skinner has a future... oy
i look back on all of my life and love it. it made me who i am. i was young, drugs were fun, and what a long strange trip it's been. you do not need to be perfect to be happy. and anyone can change things they don't like about themselves. 22 is no fucking where near old enough to kick yourself in the head for not having it all together.
ltfol i mistyped sinner and auto correct asked if it was skinner i was trying to spell. anyway every skinner has a future... oy
i look back on all of my life and love it. it made me who i am. i was young, drugs were fun, and what a long strange trip it's been. you do not need to be perfect to be happy. and anyone can change things they don't like about themselves. 22 is no fucking where near old enough to kick yourself in the head for not having it all together.
if ur even 1% serious about anything u said then there is really only 2 choices
move or swallow a bullet, at least it will be fast and u wont destroy the people around u
choose moving, less clean up
so move to a place where there is no drugs, just for a few years, get out on a ranch a hundred miles from every city, get back to the simple life, no net, no tv, work sunrise to sunset, spend ur days thinking and understanding why ur such a total fuck up, if u can answer that, u stand a chance
we call them drovers here, the guys living out on isolated ranches in the outback, most never want to come back, they love it once they get used to it, but take 2 years, ur young, uve plenty of time for everything else, get clean and clear first
move or swallow a bullet, at least it will be fast and u wont destroy the people around u
choose moving, less clean up
so move to a place where there is no drugs, just for a few years, get out on a ranch a hundred miles from every city, get back to the simple life, no net, no tv, work sunrise to sunset, spend ur days thinking and understanding why ur such a total fuck up, if u can answer that, u stand a chance
we call them drovers here, the guys living out on isolated ranches in the outback, most never want to come back, they love it once they get used to it, but take 2 years, ur young, uve plenty of time for everything else, get clean and clear first
You can be your biggest supporter in this but you can also be your biggest deterrent if you aren't careful. Get some help.
as others have said addiction is easier to overcome when you genuinley want to overcome it. Get away from your social group no matter the cost.
You're in for a shitty time with plenty of low points. Instead of using those low points as an excuse to relapse, man up and face your problems head on, use any step backs you face to make you stronger and fuck the addiction in the ear.
You're in for a shitty time with plenty of low points. Instead of using those low points as an excuse to relapse, man up and face your problems head on, use any step backs you face to make you stronger and fuck the addiction in the ear.
This ^^^^^ Your in my prayers, bro, suck it up one day at a time, it is worth it !
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What's that thing about playpens and playgrounds? Definitely have to associate with a different crowd -- avoiding whatever scene has a negative impact or assists you in making those negative choices.
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Before you do anything you need to throw out you dickies, turn down your radio, get some pants that fit, stop sagging them and project success. 
.......then just succeed.
.......then just succeed.
independent
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Your first priority is rehab.
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charley
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I could not stop until I was 40yrs old.....[expression] 'I was sick and tired of being sick and tired'..... living with your folks ain't a bad idea as long as you don't abuse the relationship....and don't start feeling sorry for yourself.....[expression] 'POOR ME,POOR ME,POUR ME A DRINK' ......
When sober for a while you will find reasons to be grateful for what you have.... 'Attitude of Gratitude'......[I do admit I still smoke weed]....
