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joke thread
- Thread starter danny81
- Start date
What's black and blue and hates sex?
The kid in my van.
The kid in my van.
Why don't more Blacks and Mexicans hook up and have kids?
Because they would be to lazy to steal!
P.S. Sorry Black Guy
Because they would be to lazy to steal!
P.S. Sorry Black Guy
No big deal, I'm light-skinned.
Nice pony and it's BLONDE. Where did you steal it from??
2 rednecks walk into a Porsche Dealership, what do you think happened?
They scratched their heads, looked at each other and one said "I thought you said the sign read porches nuthin here but just a bunch'a snazzy cars..."
Sorry dumb joke, thought it up on my way home one day passing the Porsche place....
They scratched their heads, looked at each other and one said "I thought you said the sign read porches nuthin here but just a bunch'a snazzy cars..."
Sorry dumb joke, thought it up on my way home one day passing the Porsche place....
This is called the Snozzberry:
Mush strawberries up and rub them on your balls while a girl sleeps....then teabag her when she wakes up and shes got fruity nuts in her mouth
Mush strawberries up and rub them on your balls while a girl sleeps....then teabag her when she wakes up and shes got fruity nuts in her mouth
Q: What do you call a baby with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: What do you call a black guy with a Masters in Neuropsychology?
A: A nigger.
Q: Why are there so many Chinese people in Harrow, London?
A: When they leave the airport they get into a taxi and say "Harrow!".
Q: Whats worse than eight babies nailed to a tree?
A: One baby nailed to eight trees.
Q: How do you know when your sister is on her period?
A: You can taste it on your uncle's cock.
A: Full.
Q: What do you call a black guy with a Masters in Neuropsychology?
A: A nigger.
Q: Why are there so many Chinese people in Harrow, London?
A: When they leave the airport they get into a taxi and say "Harrow!".
Q: Whats worse than eight babies nailed to a tree?
A: One baby nailed to eight trees.
Q: How do you know when your sister is on her period?
A: You can taste it on your uncle's cock.
So two irish guys are standing on the edge of a really high precipice talking. Suddenely, a guy runs past them and jumps off the cliff, holding a chicken by its legs. Obviously, both fall to there deaths.
The two irish guys dont really seem to take much notice and continue talking. Suddenely, another guy runs past and does the same thing - and hes holding a chicken aswell.
This continues for about an hour, every so often a guy will run past and kill himself while holding a chicken.
After a while, one Irish guy turns to the other and says:
"Y'know Paddy, its all well and good having a hobby and all dat, but duh ya not think dis Hengliding is a little too dangerous?"
The two irish guys dont really seem to take much notice and continue talking. Suddenely, another guy runs past and does the same thing - and hes holding a chicken aswell.
This continues for about an hour, every so often a guy will run past and kill himself while holding a chicken.
After a while, one Irish guy turns to the other and says:
"Y'know Paddy, its all well and good having a hobby and all dat, but duh ya not think dis Hengliding is a little too dangerous?"
So a dude walks into a brothel. He goes up to the counter and speaks to the woman running it:
"Im looking for something a little different..." he says "...what would you reccomend?"
The woman looks the man up and down for a moment, and gives her husky reply:
"Well darlin', on special this week is the 'Singing Blowjob' for $50."
"What the hell is a singing blowjob?" The guy asks.
"Well, you'll have to see for yourself, hun." She winks at him.
The guy considers it for a moment, and finally slaps the cash down on the table. The woman motions for him to go through a door on the right.
In the next room is a chair, a table, and a curtain at the far side of the room. Just as he's about to sit in the chair he hears a voice from behind the curtain telling him to turn the light off. He flicks the switch next to the door and sits down.
Sure enough, the mysterious girl starts to give him the most fantastic blowjob he's ever had, and the most amazing part is when, halfway through, the girl begins singing the most amazing opera he's ever heard!
Well, he finishes up and leaves brothel.
That night in his local bar, he's relating the story to his friends when one of them calls bullshit:
"No way dude, it must have been a recording or another girl or something! You're gonna have to find out!"
So the guy goes back there the next day, walks in and asks for another singing blowjob. He goes into the room, turns the light off, and the girl starts going at it again.
When she starts singing the guy feels around her with his hands, and - nope. Theres no recorder, and the singing is definitely coming from her and not another girl or he'd have felt her down there too.
That night back in the bar, his friends come up with a plan to solve the mystery once and for all:
"Dude, when she's finished, just turn the light on quickely and BOOM!"
So, the next day he goes back a third time. Slaps his $50 down on the counter, and gets another singing blowjob.
True to form, its another blinder of a suckfest - with even more of that serene singing as an accompaniment. So good was this third blowjob the guy almost forgets the plan. But, not one to lose a bet, just as he comes he leaps over to the door, flicks the switch...
...and sees the glass eye on the table.
"Im looking for something a little different..." he says "...what would you reccomend?"
The woman looks the man up and down for a moment, and gives her husky reply:
"Well darlin', on special this week is the 'Singing Blowjob' for $50."
"What the hell is a singing blowjob?" The guy asks.
"Well, you'll have to see for yourself, hun." She winks at him.
The guy considers it for a moment, and finally slaps the cash down on the table. The woman motions for him to go through a door on the right.
In the next room is a chair, a table, and a curtain at the far side of the room. Just as he's about to sit in the chair he hears a voice from behind the curtain telling him to turn the light off. He flicks the switch next to the door and sits down.
Sure enough, the mysterious girl starts to give him the most fantastic blowjob he's ever had, and the most amazing part is when, halfway through, the girl begins singing the most amazing opera he's ever heard!
Well, he finishes up and leaves brothel.
That night in his local bar, he's relating the story to his friends when one of them calls bullshit:
"No way dude, it must have been a recording or another girl or something! You're gonna have to find out!"
So the guy goes back there the next day, walks in and asks for another singing blowjob. He goes into the room, turns the light off, and the girl starts going at it again.
When she starts singing the guy feels around her with his hands, and - nope. Theres no recorder, and the singing is definitely coming from her and not another girl or he'd have felt her down there too.
That night back in the bar, his friends come up with a plan to solve the mystery once and for all:
"Dude, when she's finished, just turn the light on quickely and BOOM!"
So, the next day he goes back a third time. Slaps his $50 down on the counter, and gets another singing blowjob.
True to form, its another blinder of a suckfest - with even more of that serene singing as an accompaniment. So good was this third blowjob the guy almost forgets the plan. But, not one to lose a bet, just as he comes he leaps over to the door, flicks the switch...
...and sees the glass eye on the table.
The Day After His Wife Disappeared In A Kayaking Accident, A Canadian Man Answered His Door To Find Two Grim-faced Mounties.
"we're Sorry Sir, But We Have Some Information About Your Wife," Said One Mountie.
"tell Me! Did You Find Her?" The Husband Shouted.
The Mounties Looked At Each Other. One Said, "we Have Some Bad News, Some Good News, And Some Really Great News.which Do You Want To Hear First?"
Fearing The Worst, The Ashen Husband Said,
"give Me The Bad News First."
The Mountie Said, "i'm Sorry To Tell You, Sir, But This Morning We Found Your Wife's Body In The Bay."
"oh My God!" Exclaimed The Husband. Swallowing Hard, He Asked, "what's The Good News?"
The Mountie Continued, "when We Pulled Her Up, She Had Twelve 25lb Snow Crabs & 6 Good-size Lobsters Clinging To Her."
Stunned, The Husband Demanded, "if That's The Good News, What's The Great News?"
The Mountie Said, "we're Gonna Pull Her Up Again Tomorrow!"
"we're Sorry Sir, But We Have Some Information About Your Wife," Said One Mountie.
"tell Me! Did You Find Her?" The Husband Shouted.
The Mounties Looked At Each Other. One Said, "we Have Some Bad News, Some Good News, And Some Really Great News.which Do You Want To Hear First?"
Fearing The Worst, The Ashen Husband Said,
"give Me The Bad News First."
The Mountie Said, "i'm Sorry To Tell You, Sir, But This Morning We Found Your Wife's Body In The Bay."
"oh My God!" Exclaimed The Husband. Swallowing Hard, He Asked, "what's The Good News?"
The Mountie Continued, "when We Pulled Her Up, She Had Twelve 25lb Snow Crabs & 6 Good-size Lobsters Clinging To Her."
Stunned, The Husband Demanded, "if That's The Good News, What's The Great News?"
The Mountie Said, "we're Gonna Pull Her Up Again Tomorrow!"
What did the Mexican say when 2 houses fell on him?
"Get off me homes"
"Get off me homes"
