Married Women

[BoneCrusher]

Normally the thought of hitting a woman goes against my very nature, but if I ever found out that my soon-to-be wife was screwing around......

You'd what Max ... hit her? Kick her ass?

 

[largepkg]

I think he might use the cattle prod!

 

[Vieope]

That is why relationships don´t work that much, people got all wrong what it really means to care about someone.

 

[Arnold]

That is why relationships don´t work that much, people got all wrong what it really means to care about someone.

Relationships fail because of many reasons:

1. people get married and do not "try" anymore, they expect that since they're now married the relationship just takes care of itself.

2. people do not let each other live and do what the other "needs" to do, they want to have control over each other, rather than support one another.

3. people take each other for granted.

4. people fail to realize that they "grow" as people, and that does not mean they grow apart, they need to accept that people inevitably change and this is a good thing that needs to be recognized and accepted.

5. it's easier to quit (break up) than work on a relationship.

6. there are stages in relationships, people need to understand this and recognize, accept and succeed at each stage, however most people like stage one where everything is new, fun and exciting and they want the entire relationship to remain at stage one, which is impossible.

I could go on and on here, I think you get the picture...

 

[Vieope]

Relationships fails because they are not supposed to exist. It wouldn´t be better to have all the women instead of just one and live in promiscuity for the rest of your life?
That brings up that monogamy thread to my mind.

 

[OceanDude]

i think we need to discuss why women (or men for that matter) cheat on their spouse to begin with. i mean we can talk about integrity and ass whoopins all day long. the fact is, if you are taking care of your spouse (in every way, not just sexually,) cheating will not be an option for them. if you are the guy that smacks his wife around, gets off without concern for her pleasure, or tries to "own" her, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. just mho.

BP1 it's pretty easy to figure out why it happens with married couples. Many couples are extremely content with each other. I do not think it always has anything to do with "if they are taking care of each other". I am one of the most "taken care" of guys on the planet with a super loving wife who is attractive, kind, supportive, intelligent, faithful, attentive and fun etc.. I am very proud of her and do everything I can to keep her happy too. But in spite of all this good stuff there is a natural desire for both of us (well mostly me) to want to admire or "look" at someone who is clearly "special" when they walk into the room etc. That is just pure natural superficial biological attraction without knowing anything about the other person ( I just can't ignore a conspicuously classy, intelligent and buff woman). But I think we humans tend to want to idealize others and look for only the good during such encounters. It's usually more the case that the super attractive kind of people are unbalanced in other aspects of their lives or personalities when you get to interact with them (perhaps because they get hit on so much). At any rate, a first glance/look is OK in my book for both spouses since it's almost an automatic human response we can't control - we all love works of art and beauty. The problem is the idealization aspect causes some to fantasize that they can possess that for themselves and are genuinely blinded to the risk that it places on the current "comfortable" relationship. Frankly absent a belief and social system that make it taboo it would appear natural to seek change. But, for such it is usually not an intent to abandon the other spouse so much as it is a desire to have an affinity relationship to this other "super" idealized person. In this sense it is really more of an ego/identity reinforcement issue I think than it is a relational or physical one. There is also the innate human need to want to grow and be exposed to new ideas and concepts and when someone "exotic" or very different to anything you know steps into your life by chance there is an automatic chemistry that kicks in (probably from natural selection and survival of the species programming and a preference for diversity). The only thing that holds this in check are social values, strength of will and a forced conscious recollection of one's current commitments. Some would argue these are artificial constructs invented by various religious organizations to prevent us from murdering each other for the desire to possess other mates (e.g. ref. the covered face/veil in Muslim systems). I won't go there though since I have specific teachings and doctrine I go by.

Of course when there is an severe imbalance in social status, intellect, class, ideals etc. in a marriage (or a lack of growth in same by one) then there is a strong chance that one spouse or the other will eventually be induced to trade up or down (depending on who they think they are and where they belong) and explore other possibilities. Again this seems to be a natural human thing and it also I think relates to identity and ego and who we think we are and what we want others to perceive us to be. In my case, over my life I have met dozens of amazingly fine women (before and during marriage) who I am certain I would have been content and compatible with and just as certainly knew that they felt the same about me. But by convention we can only choose one. We all must make our choices. This does not mean that no unspoken words of approval are not permitted to pass between both interested parties when married to someone else. Smiles and a turned head with a deliberate eye to eye contact can be the most amazing and inticing of compliments. I don't consider this cheating and it adds a zest to life to know another person has a special interest in you when you can keep it in check through personal constraint and on a proper friendship basis (with both knowing there is more perculating just under the surface). Frankly, this is the kind of self control that is a prerequisite for anyone that I would find acceptable as a spouse (or a close friend) and in fact find it an essential part of being what is "attractive" to me.

The other aspect is avoidance. We all have our down days when we are off our mark or our guard is down. If someone is exposing themselves carelessly to temptation (I did this recently but got out of it in time) and you drop your guard or have a temporary setback with your spouse over a minor domestic issue there is a chance for a lapse of judgment and a "cheat situation".

Hmm, I might have to consider if the Mormons are on to something about multiple spouses...

Just my two cents,
OD

 

[naturaltan]

all I know is that I am happily married and I would beat the living shit out of you or anyone that tries to get near my wife sexually.

I understand you'd be angry, but if she had gone out on her own accord, then it should be your wife you're angry with, not the other guy.

 

[largepkg]

Relationships fails because they are not supposed to exist. It wouldn´t be better to have all the women instead of just one and live in promiscuity for the rest of your life?
That brings up that monogamy thread to my mind.

V, would you rather have one extremely intimate relationship in which you share every detail about yourself and your soul with and it's reciprocated or 1,000 relationships in which you truly don't get to grasp what those people are all about and vice versa?

 

[BabsieGirl]

I don't think he cares about the womans mind....

What I get from V......is it's more important to him to "keep things 'alive'" by having affairs. by keeping those "feelings" "alive".....means keeping the relationship alive. (in his eyes.)

I don't agree with this thinking but there are many people out there that do.

personally, I lose all respect for both the men and women who practice this (if they're sneaking behind each others back!)

 

[BabsieGirl]

I understand you'd be angry, but if she had gone out on her own accord, then it should be your wife you're angry with, not the other guy.

I'd be pissed off at both of them. One, the man she'd have an affair would know she's married (ring mark) and her...well, because she should have morals and respect for both herself and her family.

Both men and women can be "dogs"

 

[largepkg]

For myself, there is something so powerful when you're with someone who knows every detail about you. A person who knows what you feel, and how you tick. To be with a stranger every other night would leave me feeling empty...

 

[BabsieGirl]

I have all that you like...but I do get flattered (knowing that I still "got it")...often tempted.....but my faith/morals and concious keep me in check

 

[naturaltan]

I'd be pissed off at both of them. One, the man she'd have an affair would know she's married (ring mark) and her...well, because she should have morals and respect for both herself and her family.

Both men and women can be "dogs"

I'm not saying that the man who knows the lady is married is right by his actions, but I'm just don't agree about 'beating down the guy' for it. If a man raped my wife, then he'd be in for a beat down, but if he were to have a fling with her, I can't say I'd want to beat him down. In today's day and age, there aren't many things worth physically fighting for, and for me, a mutual fling isn't one of them.

BC ... you beat down the guy for sleeping with your wife, I don't agree, but I can understand why. I do give you props for the second guy ... finding out if he knew or not.

For BC, Prince and any others who'd beat down a guy for sleeping with his wife, what if, just what if, the guy you're going to attempt to beat down, kicks the living hell out of you? Is it worth it at that point? Did you get your point across? What is he instead of beating you down, kills you ... then what? If you have children, they are now left without a father because he deemed it necessary to prove a point. I just don't understand.

 

[Arnold]

Relationships fails because they are not supposed to exist. It wouldn´t be better to have all the women instead of just one and live in promiscuity for the rest of your life?

huh? what would we have in life and society without relationships?

Absolutely not, having an intimate relationship with a single woman is the greatest thing in the world, and those that do not have it are missing out on something great, and I think deep down they know that.

I would not be where I am at right now in life without the support of my wife, she makes me feel that I can do anything. There is nothing more powerful than having a great woman by your side who loves and supports you.

 

[OceanDude]

^^^

Ditto on the wife support thing...

OD

 

[BabsieGirl]

I'm not saying that the man who knows the lady is married is right by his actions, but I'm just don't agree about 'beating down the guy' for it. If a man raped my wife, then he'd be in for a beat down, but if he were to have a fling with her, I can't say I'd want to beat him down. In today's day and age, there aren't many things worth physically fighting for, and for me, a mutual fling isn't one of them.

I see your point. But wouldn't you be pissed to high hell if your woman did that? I'd be furious............

Define mutual...mutual fling between the guy and your wife (agreeing) OR Mutual being....all three are in agreement (you,your wife and some guy?)

For BC, Prince and any others who'd beat down a guy for sleeping with his wife, what if, just what if, the guy you're going to attempt to beat down, kicks the living hell out of you? Is it worth it at that point? Did you get your point across? What is he instead of beating you down, kills you ... then what? If you have children, they are now left without a father because he deemed it necessary to prove a point. I just don't understand.

If they beat the hell out of me..............oh well...I know I'd get a peace of him/her...they wouldn't be leaving mark free I can tell ya that. Besides, I know how to pick my battles.

I agree, there comes a time where you need to ask yourself (which is hard to do most times).................is this REALLY worth it? If your woman or man is cheating on you.......they're really not worth fighting over...I mean, look at what they did!!! did they have YOU in mind while they were doing what they were doing??? hell no and if they did......all the worse! They screwed up...time to move on......even though I'd like to kick the crap out of'em.

 

[pmech]

I don't agree with this thinking but there are many people out there that do.

personally, I lose all respect for both the men and women who practice this (if they're sneaking behind each others back!)

I agree and you said it wonderfully.

I lost a whole lot of respect for several today.

 

[BabsieGirl]

Thanks Pmech. Where's cheeseland?

 

[MaxMirkin]

You'd what Max ... hit her? Kick her ass?

Make her feel every bit of my pain. If she dares do that to me, after all my love & kindness.....shit ain't gonna end well.

 

[Vieope]

V, would you rather have one extremely intimate relationship in which you share every detail about yourself and your soul with and it's reciprocated or 1,000 relationships in which you truly don't get to grasp what those people are all about and vice versa?

What I get from V......is it's more important to him to "keep things 'alive'" by having affairs. by keeping those "feelings" "alive".....means keeping the relationship alive. (in his eyes.)

huh? what would we have in life and society without relationships?

Absolutely not, having an intimate relationship with a single woman is the greatest thing in the world, and those that do not have it are missing out on something great, and I think deep down they know that.

I would not be where I am at right now in life without the support of my wife, she makes me feel that I can do anything. There is nothing more powerful than having a great woman by your side who loves and supports you.

I know, relationships are the most important thing. Deep relationships are even more important as well, it is always nice to have someone that knows your weakness and support you when you need it. The question is, why just one person?
Have you ever had a good best friend? two are even better? three, four, then you create a whole network of support.
I think it is just our society that is derived from the old christian european society that is like that. Although other cultures have marriage they were more liberated.
Why just one woman to share a deep relationship?
Imagine how scary would be if IM just had ALBOB for you to talk to.

 

[pmech]

Thanks Pmech. Where's cheeseland?

Wisconsin

Land of the cheese and not so fresh dairy air.

 

[BabsieGirl]

Why just one woman to share a deep relationship?

You can have "relationships" with more than one women......so long as it's freindship. This doesn't mean crossing the path of a married woman and having an affair.

Imagine how scary would be if IM just had ALBOB for you to talk to.

I just don't see the point in this...I do...but then I don't....Know what I mean?

V - I cannot believe you feel this way. I feel sorry for you. What was your upbringing like? Did you witness stuff like this as a child? Where do all of your thoughts stem from? I'm very curious......

 

[BabsieGirl]

Wisconsin

Land of the cheese and not so fresh dairy air.

I thought you were referring to "body cheese"

 

[pmech]

Lol.....

 

[naturaltan]

I see your point. But wouldn't you be pissed to high hell if your woman did that? I'd be furious............

Define mutual...mutual fling between the guy and your wife (agreeing) OR Mutual being....all three are in agreement (you,your wife and some guy?)

mutual meaning, for example, my wife and another man. They both made a choice to do what they did. Would I be upset ... sure I would. But having said that, you make the point later on ... if she chooses such an action, the consequence for that action is not a beat down, but her walking papers.

If they beat the hell out of me..............oh well...I know I'd get a peace of him/her...they wouldn't be leaving mark free I can tell ya that. Besides, I know how to pick my battles.

I agree, there comes a time where you need to ask yourself (which is hard to do most times).................is this REALLY worth it? If your woman or man is cheating on you.......they're really not worth fighting over...I mean, look at what they did!!! did they have YOU in mind while they were doing what they were doing??? hell no and if they did......all the worse! They screwed up...time to move on......even though I'd like to kick the crap out of'em.

this is the point I was trying to make. You have to pick your battles. Fighting over someone whom supposedly loved you isn't one of them for me.

 

[BabsieGirl]

this is the point I was trying to make. You have to pick your battles. Fighting over someone whom supposedly loved you isn't one of them for me.

Oh

 

[naturaltan]

Make her feel every bit of my pain. If she dares do that to me, after all my love & kindness.....shit ain't gonna end well.

hopefully you're joking

This is one thing I'd be willing to die for ... a man hitting a women. I've only seen it once, but acted quickly and decisively .... and would do it again in an instance. BY hitting, I mean inflicting bodily harm ...

 

[tucker01]

You can have "relationships" with more than one women......so long as it's freindship. This doesn't mean crossing the path of a married woman and having an affair.



I just don't see the point in this...I do...but then I don't....Know what I mean?

V - I cannot believe you feel this way. I feel sorry for you. What was your upbringing like? Did you witness stuff like this as a child? Where do all of your thoughts stem from? I'm very curious......

I don't understand why you feel sorry for him?

I think he brings up very good points.

I think it is just our society that is derived from the old christian european society that is like that. Although other cultures have marriage they were more liberated.
Why just one woman to share a deep relationship?

Babs, try to look outside of the box not at the lifestyle you and I live with relationships and marriage. Almost all of the america's culture and beliefs stem from european settlers. Why should we accept this as being right?

 

[pmech]

hopefully you're joking

This is one thing I'd be willing to die for ... a man hitting a women. I've only seen it once, but acted quickly and decisively .... and would do it again in an instance. BY hitting, I mean inflicting bodily harm ...

^^ Agreed. And that is one of the statements that made me lose respect for someone today. Never an excuse for hitting a woman. It is a cowardly act.

 

[BabsieGirl]

hopefully you're joking

This is one thing I'd be willing to die for ... a man hitting a women. I've only seen it once, but acted quickly and decisively .... and would do it again in an instance. BY hitting, I mean inflicting bodily harm ...

If a woman hit my man......................................

One of my friends and I had this talk yesterday while walking....I got irritated just talking about it.

if I saw a man hit a woman, I'd send my man over ....and if he didn't.....I'd walk over and ask him how his nuts feel...then kick'em (I'd generally wouldn't do such a thing..)