Married Women

[BabsieGirl]

I don't understand why you feel sorry for him?

I think he brings up very good points.



Babs, try to look outside of the box not at the lifestyle you and I live with relationships and marriage. Almost all of the america's culture and beliefs stem from european settlers. Why should we accept this as being right?

True, there are times when he brings up good points....where is the point in this? What's the point in affairs, when all you're doing is starting the begining of an end........................................I never have understood this....If you're cheating because the lack there of in your marriage, then by gawd, COMMUNICATE..........

Because marriage is special and is meant to be shared with the woman/man you're inlove with. Between one man and one woman....................


Okay......Here's a question?

What's the point in having an affair if you're not going to leave your spouse? What's the point in even having an affiar if you're not happy with your marriage - Why not just get out and have a clear concious? What's the use in lying to the "other" person in your life, when you have no intent of leaving your spouse....

How can this action be justified?

 

[tucker01]

I don't understand why you feel sorry for him?

I think he brings up very good points.



Babs, try to look outside of the box not at the lifestyle you and I live with relationships and marriage. Almost all of the america's culture and beliefs stem from european settlers. Why should we accept this as being right?

Not to often you get to respond to your own quote. But thinking about this a little more. I don't know if multiple relationships could exist in an animal society. Natural Selection: and ideas of survival of the fittest come to mind. Animals ideally would mate with other animals they feel with strengthen there genetic make-up. Knowing this I don't see there to be a reason to want to share with others. It is our instinct to survive. Why would we want to share? Just a few thoughts....

 

[ponyboy]

What's the point in having an affair if you're not going to leave your spouse? What's the point in even having an affiar if you're not happy with your marriage - Why not just get out and have a clear concious? What's the use in lying to the "other" person in your life, when you have no intent of leaving your spouse....

How can this action be justified?

Sometimes I think this can be attributed to women who just want someone to boost their confidence or self esteem. I know a couple of women who had affairs simply because their husbands didn't pay enough attention to them. It's tragic but it happens all the time. It doesn't mean they want to leave their spouse (and kids) but they have someone else who will give them affection and attention.

 

[MaxMirkin]

^^ Agreed. And that is one of the statements that made me lose respect for someone today. Never an excuse for hitting a woman. It is a cowardly act.

You wouldn't hit a woman that caused you or your family a grievous injury? What if she stood there with a gun pointing at your loved ones? Or how about just you? Of course you'd hit her.

Well, a wife that repays years of kindness, loyalty, and love with betrayal....it could be argued that from a psychological standpoint she's doing similar type of harm. Like I said, under normal circumstances, I would never even think of it, but in extreme cases....who knows how things can turn out.

 

[tucker01]

True, there are times when he brings up good points....where is the point in this? What's the point in affairs, when all you're doing is starting the begining of an end........................................I never have understood this....If you're cheating because the lack there of in your marriage, then by gawd, COMMUNICATE..........

Because marriage is special and is meant to be shared with the woman/man you're inlove with. Between one man and one woman....................

I think V is starting to question Marriage and it's orgins. Why is it the only acceptable way? Don't get me wrong Babs, I agree with you that Marriage should only be between two people. But maybe that is me being influenced by my enviroment.

Okay......Here's a question?

What's the point in having an affair if you're not going to leave your spouse?

Again I guess I am stuck on this Science kick, might be Nature. Maybe it is our instinct to spread our seed around. I know a little off topic

What's the point in even having an affiar if you're not happy with your marriage - Why not just get out and have a clear concious?

Why does sex have to be confined to just two people within a Marriage? Why does marriage have to restrict sex? Religion?

What's the use in lying to the "other" person in your life, when you have no intent of leaving your spouse....How can this action be justified?

This I don't agree with. No relationship should be built on lies. But why can't sex exist outside the sanctity of Marriage, within an open an honest relationship to your spouse.

Just some food for thought. Not that this is the way I feel but questions that I am sure most people have thought about at one time or another

 

[BabsieGirl]

Sometimes I think this can be attributed to women who just want someone to boost their confidence or self esteem. I know a couple of women who had affairs simply because their husbands didn't pay enough attention to them. It's tragic but it happens all the time. It doesn't mean they want to leave their spouse (and kids) but they have someone else who will give them affection and attention.

Confidence can be boosted by having an affair? So confidence over powers morals and concious? I'm not picking on you...I'm just commenting in general.

No matter what the excuse...I just don't get it

My confidence gets boosted by friends here on IM, when I get hit on, when I get compliments, when I reach another level of education etc...

I actually thought about having an affair (which is as far as I got)....but it would just KILL me and I wouldn't be able to look at my family....There was a point in my relationship where my husband neglected my needs...not talking sexual...but the need to get out away from the kids...to continue dating each other, also doing things with the kids, the need to feel he's interested in my hobbies as I do with his........For the record...He knows how I feel, when I'm feeling it...because I tell him...even if hurts because I feel it's important to let your spouse understand where you're coming from, etc....

I have had plenty of opportunities to have an affair even when I felt neglected and let me tell you...(to be honest).....it's VERY tempting.... This is probably why I have many guy friends....and that's as far as it goes......friendship.

My relationship with my husband is getting better. Our main problem is because he's selfish and self centered. he admits it!

 

[largepkg]

Sorry Max. Other than in fear of my life or someone I loved could I even consider it. There's no just reason otherwise.

I do see the emotional side of it. I went through it last year. After eleven happy years she clobbered me with her betrayal. Never did I think of striking her, but she was served her walking papers!

 

[naturaltan]

You wouldn't hit a woman that caused you or your family a grievous injury?

nope

What if she stood there with a gun pointing at your loved ones? Or how about just you??

Very different situation ... now you're talking about life and death. If there was a chance to hit anyone pointing a gun, yes

Well, a wife that repays years of kindness, loyalty, and love with betrayal....it could be argued that from a psychological standpoint she's doing similar type of harm. Like I said, under normal circumstances, I would never even think of it, but in extreme cases....who knows how things can turn out.

You have past experiences that make you think the way you do ... I don't agree, but then again, I don't know what's driven you to these opinions, so I can't nor would I say they are wrong, just that I don't agree.

 

[naturaltan]

Sorry Max. Other than in fear of my life or someone I loved could I even consider it. There's no just reason otherwise.

I do see the emotional side of it. I went through it last year. After eleven happy years she clobbered me with her betrayal. Never did I think of striking her, but she was served her walking papers!

Sorry to hear that large ... but I would have done the same thing. It would have hurt, but he's your walking papers ... don't let the door hit you on your way out.

 

[BabsieGirl]

Don't get me wrong Babs, I agree with you that Marriage should only be between two people. But maybe that is me being influenced by my enviroment.

Could be

Why does sex have to be confined to just two people within a Marriage? Why does marriage have to restrict sex? Religion?

Religion has nothing to do with it (IMO). Sex isn't just something you do with everyone. It's special. At least to me. (not saying it isn't to you )

But why can't sex exist outside the sanctity of Marriage, within an open an honest relationship to your spouse.

Why should it?

I suppose it could (depending on the couple.) But not something I'd agree to myself. I'd get jealous and feel like I wasn't good enough, etc...

Just some food for thought. Not that this is the way I feel but questions that I am sure most people have thought about at one time or another

I've thought about it....but cannot bring myself to accept sex outside of marriage. "Wouldn't be prudent!" Sorry...had to say that......

 

[tucker01]

Religion has nothing to do with it (IMO). Sex isn't just something you do with everyone. It's special. At least to me. (not saying it isn't to you )

I think you would be suprised that most of our morals and beliefs are derived from religion. Which is why we have such a hard time accepting other parts of the world and their morals and beliefs. oh and it is too me as well

Why should it?

I suppose it could (depending on the couple.) But not something I'd agree to myself. I'd get jealous and feel like I wasn't good enough, etc...

I am not saying it should, I am just trying to look at it from another perspective. Sex doesn't define your marriage. The Relationship that exists does.

I've thought about it....but cannot bring myself to accept sex outside of marriage. "Wouldn't be prudent!" Sorry...had to say that......

Probably most people couldn't handle it, myself included. That is where natural instincts start to set in and Natural Selection. Although we use sex for pleasure in the most part, it's prime purpose is to create.

 

[largepkg]

Maybe I'm in the minority here but I've never had a sexual experience that did not have serious emotions involved.

Yes, I had a one night stand once and even then I left part of myself behind.

 

[largepkg]

My point is sex isn't just sex! At least for me it's not.

 

[Vieope]

I like the theory of natural selection but I think that sharing is crucial for the system to work. That is why society is needed so much.
Babsie, don´t feel sorry for me, it is not that bad. You just need to look at it from a different angle. Like Ian said, religion ditactes what we usually perceive as the right way to do something. Doesn´t make it right though.

 

[BabsieGirl]

I think you would be suprised that most of our morals and beliefs are derived from religion. Which is why we have such a hard time accepting other parts of the world and their morals and beliefs. oh and it is too me as well

I'm sure you're correct. I'm just being blind and nieve right now.

Sex doesn't define your marriage. The Relationship that exists does.

Exactly

Probably most people couldn't handle it, myself included. That is where natural instincts start to set in and Natural Selection. Although we use sex for pleasure in the most part, it's prime purpose is to create.

You couldn't handle temptation?

I complete agree with the prime purpose part........But I am to please

 

[OceanDude]

Maybe I'm in the minority here but I've never had a sexual experience that did not have serious emotions involved.

Yes, I had a one night stand once and even then I left part of myself behind.

Balls or body fluids?

OD

p.s. sorry couldn't resist

 

[largepkg]

Balls or body fluids?

OD

1 sec

Both nads are still here.

 

[BabsieGirl]

Yes, I had a one night stand once and even then I left part of myself behind.

Yeah, your boys

 

[BabsieGirl]

My point is sex isn't just sex! At least for me it's not.

Must be a "connection"

 

[largepkg]

Must be a "connection"

Note to self - Never open up emotionally on a message board again.

 

[OceanDude]

I understand you'd be angry, but if she had gone out on her own accord, then it should be your wife you're angry with, not the other guy.

NT - the application of logic never works in emotional contexts. This apparently irrational behavior is easily explainable by the fact that there are competing social codes that most of us men have ingrained in us culturally: 1) Never hit or abuse a woman and 2) I must protect my family and my own honor and 3) Never mess with another man's happiness. The only logical response given the emotional short circuit and clash of male social codes is to smash the hell out of the guy under the pretext of protecting the family; thus simultaneously giving the woman an opportunity for an out by admiring her man for protecting her and temporarily forgetting the indiscretion. It usually backfires for us though since the woman have their own code and usually seem to favor the person that got hurt in the altercation. Been there dones that - in high school.

OD

 

[BabsieGirl]

It's all in good humor Large

Note to self - Never open up emotionally on a message board again.

 

[largepkg]

Of course it is... I'm having a blast!

 

[naturaltan]

NT - the application of logic never works in emotional contexts. This apparently irrational behavior is easily explainable by the fact that there are competing social codes that most of us men have ingrained in us culturally: 1) Never hit or abuse a woman and 2) I must protect my family and my own honor and 3) Never mess with another man's happiness. The only logical response given the emotional short circuit and clash of male social codes is to smash the hell out of the guy under the pretext of protecting the family; thus simultaneously giving the woman an opportunity for an out by admiring her man for protecting her and temporarily forgetting the indiscretion. It usually backfires for us though since the woman have their own code and usually seem to favor the person that got hurt in the altercation. Been there dones that - in high school.

OD

ahh ... the code
Ok ... the would explain the need to beat the hell out of someone ...................... I guess

To each their own ... we all handle situations differently

 

[Vieope]

Let me add again that I am young, naive and I don´t know much about this life. So my decisions and thoughts maybe are influecend by facts that are just not true. While I am not in nirvana I will go on having fun.

 

[Arnold]

Let me add again that I am young, naive and I don´t know much about this life. So my decisions and thoughts maybe are influecend by facts that are just not true.

wow, that is the smartest thing you have posted in this entire thread!

 

[Vieope]

wow, that is the smartest thing you have posted in this entire thread!

No reason to get overcheerily because I was trying to be modest.

 

[TrojanMan60563]

I fucked a friends wife once...It felt so right at the time it happened....but I lost a childhood friend over it, and while their marrige went to hell in a hand basket the girl and I lost touch. So I got to walk away feeling like a scummy asshole, 1 good friendship down the drain, and no chic. Moral of the story is if your going to fuck someones wife make sure your not friends with the guy. Other then that I don't see the problem with it. Its not my fault if some women is married and fucks around on her husband. Obviously he isn't doing his job at home. The only person to blame is her. She invited the dick.

 

[RexStunnahH]

I know, relationships are the most important thing. Deep relationships are even more important as well, it is always nice to have someone that knows your weakness and support you when you need it. The question is, why just one person?
Have you ever had a good best friend? two are even better? three, four, then you create a whole network of support.
I think it is just our society that is derived from the old christian european society that is like that. Although other cultures have marriage they were more liberated.
Why just one woman to share a deep relationship?
Imagine how scary would be if IM just had ALBOB for you to talk to.

I think that if you have more than one love,it wouldn't be as special.You could have a bunch of good freinds,but how many "best Freinds".Through my life I have had many best freinds,but at diffrent time frames of life.Your true love in life should know everything about you,I would find it hard to be able to trust more than one person with all that is sacred to me.I think that when you have a deep love for someone,the love ,respect,and focus is more intense,rather than having a whole bunch of loves that are dilluted.You can only give your 100% to one person.If you got 4,than youd be giving 25% here and there.IT takes someone really close and special to you to be your wife,where as just about any girl could be a fuck.

 

[Vieope]

I think that if you have more than one love,it wouldn't be as special.You could have a bunch of good freinds,but how many "best Freinds".Through my life I have had many best freinds,but at diffrent time frames of life.Your true love in life should know everything about you,I would find it hard to be able to trust more than one person with all that is sacred to me.I think that when you have a deep love for someone,the love ,respect,and focus is more intense,rather than having a whole bunch of loves that are dilluted.You can only give your 100% to one person.If you got 4,than youd be giving 25% here and there.IT takes someone really close and special to you to be your wife,where as just about any girl could be a fuck.

I know what you mean but I am trying to make this mutiple system work for now. I might find someone even more special that will make me be with just one person. It is all good.