help, girlfriend issues

[nova1970sb]

hey, i dont really have anyone i can talk to in person about this kind of stuff. but anyways, my girlfriend for just about 3 years the other day told me she thinks we need to take a break. wouldnt say how long she thinks she would need, but it just shattered me, she is my world. I know she isnt the type to cheat or see other people, so i am really confused why this break was needed.

is this something women do when they get to stressed? we just got back from a trip to phoenix to see her dad, who she hasnt seen since she was 12 and was very nervous to do so. she also goes to school and work full time.

She claims we have nothing in common, however we always do stuff together, and we always have a blast doing it. Do you think she can just use some time to her self, or does something like this usually mean game over? I dont know what i would do without waking up with her every morning by my side.

 

[bigdavetom]

sorry to say its happened to me and usually means a sweet way to dump you tell her if she needs space go run in a field

 

[MDR]

Not a good sign. Neither is her saying you have nothing in common. Lots of great women out there, may just be time to move on.

 

[NeilPearson]

is this something women do when they get to stressed? .

No

we just got back from a trip to phoenix to see her dad, who she hasnt seen since she was 12 and was very nervous to do so. she also goes to school and work full time.

This likely has nothing to do with anything.

She claims we have nothing in common, however we always do stuff together, and we always have a blast doing it. Do you think she can just use some time to her self, or does something like this usually mean game over? I dont know what i would do without waking up with her every morning by my side.

If she is saying you have nothing in common, she probably needs to move on.

The more you try and keep her, the more desperate you will appear and the more likely she will move on.

You said it was a three year relationship. You are 25. I'm betting she is a couple years younger. You probably started dating her when she was 19-21? That has doomed written all over it. Don't seriously date girls that are under 25. EVER

I would dump her for even suggesting a break. The funny thing is that would probably be the only thing you could do that might make her want you more.

 

[nova1970sb]

she is acutally the exact same age as me

 

[NeilPearson]

I'd still dump her

 

[nova1970sb]

i would rather risk the pain of officially getting dumped by her, than to destroy everything when there still may be a chance. like i said above, and i meant it, she littlerally is my world.

 

[dave 236]

She wants to see someone else maybe more than one someone else.This is a girl who after 3 yrs in a relationship says she needs a break,and since you say she doesn't cheat,my guess is she taking a break so she doesn't have to cheat on you.JMO and it sucks when this happens ,but you really don't have a choice but to give her the break and see what happens.

 

[NeilPearson]

i would rather risk the pain of officially getting dumped by her, than to destroy everything when there still may be a chance. like i said above, and i meant it, she littlerally is my world.

I would really change that attitude. It is only going to make this harder on you. Besides, that attitude drives girls away.

The chance is only in your mind. You actually have a better chance of keeping her by showing her you don't need her and dumping her ass before she dumps you. You won't do it though. You will come across all needy and whiney and this will just drive her away faster.

 

[AKIRA]

I am going through this right now. However, today I realized that its been going on for about a month. My girl just wants to "move on." Granted weve had some serious issues that are past us now, she beleives theyll happen again and I kind of understand it. However, she leaves me then says she still loves me and stuff. Something isnt right...

Ive been through enough relationships to know that when a relationship is good or improving (mine), people shouldnt just jump ship. If they do, its cuz of something specific or someone else.

My break up doesnt make sense and the excuses I hear are silly and I am not buying it. Girls have a stupid ass way to have their cake and eat it too. They go fuck someone else and hide behind the fact that they broke it off with you first as its some sort of favor. Pain in pain.

I wish you and I luck on this. However, I need a job like you wouldnt believe. I got bigger fish to fry and I cannot believe how hard is to find work these days.

God damn college graduate and I am going to shovel shit for a living..

 

[irontime]

When a chick says that then she's not happy in the relationship anymore.
Sorry dude, this has 98% chance of going bad. Brace yourself for the worst.

 

[ArnoldsProtege]

Listen to nealpearson, all of that is true. The frame of a woman being your world is almost nauseating. Women want a man with goals, purpose, passion in his life. When you make your woman your purpose, it is a losing game my friend, and I am sure she can sense it.

Oddly, I am going through this right now as well, happened a few weeks ago. We've been together about 3 years, and I love her deeply. She loves me as well, but has some serious psychological issues she wants to sort out, as well as needs to get her life on track. It was sort of a mutual thing, though she proposed it. I was happy in the relationship.
I do miss her, and laying in bed at night it tends to become amplified. However, I am not letting it bring me down in any way. It has actually inspired my to work harder, accomplish more, and really focus on my life and goals.

I know its hard OP, and from the sounds of it, she is your first serious relationship. That is a strong bond, the first love you feel for someone. The best thing you can do right now is to keep her off your mind and, ideally, start seeing other people. No matter how perfect you think she is, there is always someone better for you out there. That is a fact. Take the short term pain for long term win.

And if you want to read a pretty inspiring book, check out The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. My friend recommended it about a year ago to me, it is fantastic. Will definitely give you insight into the joys and perils of dealing with the feminine.

 

[nova1970sb]

I would really change that attitude. It is only going to make this harder on you. Besides, that attitude drives girls away.

The chance is only in your mind. You actually have a better chance of keeping her by showing her you don't need her and dumping her ass before she dumps you. You won't do it though. You will come across all needy and whiney and this will just drive her away faster.

here is a promise, if this does happen the way you say. i promise myself, i wont ask why, and i will do my best to erase her from my life and move on.
but i would rather deal with a long term pain, than never stick around for the answer.

 

[HialeahChico305]

I do miss her, and laying in bed at night it tends to become amplified. However, I am not letting it bring me down in any way. It has actually inspired my to work harder, accomplish more, and really focus on my life and goals.

This is exactly the attitude needed when going through a situation like that. Might feel like shit for a day or two, third day get your shit together , suck it up and focus on life and goals. Bravo

 

[jmorrison]

I've been through this and I have 3 facts for you.

1. You have already been dumped. Just nicely.
2. She is truly not as important to you as you think she is. In 6 months you will be 100% over her
3. Nothing I or anyone else says is going to sink in because you love her. My only regret with my ex-wife was that I spent so much time pining over her instead of just finding someone better.

 

[unclem]

dont chase her she will get pissed, yes you have been dumped nicely. i think she wants to sew her oats a little more. shes probably having to do this, go mess around but wants to let you down easy. move on bro, if u beg it will turn her off to you more just let her go, its obvious that shes not wanting you no more. i know how you feel. but, time heals all wounds but leaves a little scar. iam married 20 yrs and i dont trust any woman as far as i can throw them, but i love my wife, but if she cheats just dont let me know or give me a disease. she says " i promise i would never cheat" yeah and iam the pope. good luck but cut your loses. peace bro. imo

 

[nova1970sb]

one thing to i did ask her if she was done and we were over, and she said no. do you think that changes anything?

 

[NeilPearson]

one thing to i did ask her if she was done and we were over, and she said no. do you think that changes anything?

No, she wants to have her cake and eat it too

 

[AKIRA]

one thing to i did ask her if she was done and we were over, and she said no. do you think that changes anything?

Yeah man think about that for a sec. She has hurt you and needs a break or whatever. What exactly is she re-evaluating? What is that process? She wants to miss you? She wants to see what life is like without you? Its complete bullshit and disrespectful. No one who cares about you to the point of love needs to re-establish SHIT. They should value you in their lives and protect it.

I am going through the same thing right now. When you step out of the box and take a peek, it doesnt add up.

 

[nova1970sb]

eh, you guys are probly right

 

[jmorrison]

Akira and Nova,

After reading my last post, I think it came off as a little insensitive. I don't mean it that way. What you guys are going through fucking SUCKS to say the least. Try it after 8 years of marriage. Sometimes we take it for granted that those we love have equal feelings for us, and it sucks when we find out that we were alone in the commitment.

I mean it though, even though my world was completely shattered by it, it wasnt as big of a deal as I thought. 8 years of marriage and being in love, and I was completely over her in 6 months.

Nova, these guys ARE right. She is saying that she isn't done so that she can keep you as an option in case whatever it is she has planned doesn't work out. Women do not leave a happy relationship unless:
A) They think they have found something better
B) All of their friends are single and having fun, and they want to also
C) They are young and haven't sown their oats yet

I'm sorry it has to happen like this, but the very best thing you can do is tell her "Ok, lets have some time apart" and leave it at that. Don't call her, don't myspace/facebook stalk her, or ask about her. Write her off. You don't want to know what she is doing anyway. She will not be wasting her time being miserable about you, so don't you do the same. Go live your life, and IF she comes back, you can make an intelligent decision then how you feel about it, and whether you would even want her back.

I know the answer is "yes I would take her back" right now, but trust me bro, please, you probably wont feel like that after a few weeks.

My best friend just got back from Iraq to find his wife of 6 years leaving him for another guy. I literally had this same conversation with him in his car, only with him holding his pistol and wanting to shoot himself in the face. I gave him the same advice and he told me "If she ever wanted to come back, I would take her back, she is my life". 6 months later she tried to come back home, meanwhile he has a beautiful girlfriend who treats him well, and I have never seen him happier. he just laughed in her face. He told me "I can't believe I ever let that bitch hurt me like that."

There are literally millions of women out there that would love to be with you. And thats even if you are a fat ugly chud. MILLIONS. Just go out and have fun. Forget this one that doesnt even care enough about you to break it off clean.

 

[ArnoldsProtege]

And if you ARE a fat ugly chud, you are in the right place! so put on a happy face, pump some iron, and find some nice, respectable women to pursue courtship with.

 

[AKIRA]

Hah, well what do you do when you do break it off, find another hottie to fuck, then still miss her? I did. I broke it off my hottie and begged again. Got her back, we had major issues, and here i am again.

 

[nova1970sb]

well, first contact today and she wants to go see a movie saturday night. i think she is just afraid of what the next step in our relationship may be hopefully all goes well

 

[Hoglander]

Leave her nicely so you can put her number in your cell phone. Then get another and bust up with her nicely etc etc

On lonely nights you can call and get at least one back for a night with that understanding that it is just for tonight. I know it sounds crazy but it can be done.

I did this for years and got sick of it. I thought about all the girls I had ever known and one stood out. Funny thing is that she was never one of the girls I would call. But finally did call her after 3 years of not seeing her. I was with her minutes later and have been with her for 25 years, because she is my be friend.

 

[nova1970sb]

tonight went great

 

[jmorrison]

Man, I am going to sound like a dick saying this, but I dont mean it to.

You two having an ejoyable evening means zilch.

Last february, my ex-wife and I went to Mardi-Gras, got a condo, danced, drank and laughed the whole weekend, fucked like rabbits, sat on the balcony holding hands all night one night.

The next week when I was at work she was off banging the same guy she had been seeing for 3 months behind my back.

Your first mistake is thinking you have any idea what is going on in her head. Not saying that she is fucking around on you, just saying that you have no idea. Just because you had fun means nothing.

 

[nova1970sb]

man, reading my first post, damn was i a chump. anyways i gave her her space, and called her last night after a couple of weeks of no talk. she said she just needed a bit more time, so i blew her out. told her i dont need to put my life on hold for anyone. so talking to her family that i am still close with, her mom and her sister, i know there is no other dude involved or anything like that. but dang its kinda liberating to have this ordeal over with. dont get me wrong i, still love the girl, but shes got some growing to do. on with life.........

 

[Dark Geared God]

here is a promise, if this does happen the way you say. i promise myself, i wont ask why, and i will do my best to erase her from my life and move on.
but i would rather deal with a long term pain, than never stick around for the answer.

Learn from it. i would bet that she was acting diff for a while people just don't drop a bomb like that just because there was hint i bet..

 

[nova1970sb]

Learn from it. i would bet that she was acting diff for a while people just don't drop a bomb like that just because there was hint i bet..

no man, it was a straight up bomb