I thought that would be the case when I had my son... or when I went on a vacation somewhere or......
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Diary of a madman.....
- Thread starter Pitboss
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I thought that would be the case when I had my son... or when I went on a vacation somewhere or......
Originally posted by J'Bo
You prefer to give rather than recieve?
Maybe thats why your relationships with the ladies aren't working out.
You'd prefer to give than receive????
How does this go??
I think something like this....
Dear Diary,
I am so totally confused. I really do like Amanda a lot. She says she loves me and I don't doubt that. She says she will do anything for me and make all kinds of compromises to make this work for us. My ex was the same way. But here I am confused as hell because I have more love than I could ever wish for and for some reason that just isn't enough. I'm coming to the same reasons for my divorce as this split now.
Why can't I be happy with the idea of being with just one person? With someone who loves me for who I am? Why do I let sex control my feelings? Why can't I just look away from some hot babe instead of wondering what it will take for me to "get me some of that"???
I let sex.. lust control me like I let cigarrettes control me. The last thing I want to do is get into another 11 year relationship and call it quits because I want to fuq every woman that turns me, or comes on to me. Something just ain't right upstairs.... definately a screw loose somewhere. A gland out of whack.... maybe prozac is an option?
So now I'm left with a decision that will hurt her now or possibly hurt her later. And I'm stuck on not wanting to lose her... inside I can't help but think either way I'm going to hurt her. But what if I can find a way to ignore those feelings of lust.... oh wait I did that before and what happened? My wife and I never had sex.. I turned my lust for others inside out and had to lie to her and to myself to explain my actions... I began to tell her that I was not attracted to her and that we had become more liek best friends than lovers... shitty huh? Great for her self esteem...... I'm such an a$$hole.
I think back to all the shiat I did and said, and even now the same patterns are showing up. How could I possibly deserve to be loved the way they both loved me?? That's another part that kills me.... gives me so much guilt.
I think something like this....
Dear Diary,
I am so totally confused. I really do like Amanda a lot. She says she loves me and I don't doubt that. She says she will do anything for me and make all kinds of compromises to make this work for us. My ex was the same way. But here I am confused as hell because I have more love than I could ever wish for and for some reason that just isn't enough. I'm coming to the same reasons for my divorce as this split now.
Why can't I be happy with the idea of being with just one person? With someone who loves me for who I am? Why do I let sex control my feelings? Why can't I just look away from some hot babe instead of wondering what it will take for me to "get me some of that"???
I let sex.. lust control me like I let cigarrettes control me. The last thing I want to do is get into another 11 year relationship and call it quits because I want to fuq every woman that turns me, or comes on to me. Something just ain't right upstairs.... definately a screw loose somewhere. A gland out of whack.... maybe prozac is an option?
So now I'm left with a decision that will hurt her now or possibly hurt her later. And I'm stuck on not wanting to lose her... inside I can't help but think either way I'm going to hurt her. But what if I can find a way to ignore those feelings of lust.... oh wait I did that before and what happened? My wife and I never had sex.. I turned my lust for others inside out and had to lie to her and to myself to explain my actions... I began to tell her that I was not attracted to her and that we had become more liek best friends than lovers... shitty huh? Great for her self esteem...... I'm such an a$$hole.
I think back to all the shiat I did and said, and even now the same patterns are showing up. How could I possibly deserve to be loved the way they both loved me?? That's another part that kills me.... gives me so much guilt.
Oh and then to add a little extra to the stew... I've sort of discussed some of my feelings with my ex and she is basically pushing to get out. That I am doing exactly the same thing to Amanda as I did with her, and that's not fair to Amanda. If she had her number she would call her and tell her run, run very fast and very far away!!!
She's probably right. She says what I need is either a woman who doesn't care what I do, with you or where... or at least someone who is into swinging to satisfy my needs. She could be right...
She's probably right. She says what I need is either a woman who doesn't care what I do, with you or where... or at least someone who is into swinging to satisfy my needs. She could be right...
Okay I braking my heart here thinking and thinking about this damn reationship crap.... why oh why did we have to evolve?? I could have been so much happier in cave man times.....
I know me. If I don't just say we are through I will go back to her. Then a few months later it'll all start again.. I'll get moody and start coming up with excuses, blah, blah.... then we will stay together because she'll start crying and I'll freak out because I'm hurting her... and then it starts all over again. FUQ FUQ FUQ
But dammit I do miss her. I miss holding her and talking to her. I miss watchign her get dressed.. damn I do miss her.
She called and left a message.. it was sad but nice. But now I'm afraid to call her. I'm not sure what I want to say anymore, or even what to think anymore but any of this.
Sex??? my driving force. In the past I had made attempts to chaneg my ways for my wife. No more porn, surfing the internet, flirting or anything that would take my attention away from her. In the long run I felt worse, more apart from her and just not myself. Do I do this again?? Do I just make that commitment and stay with it... better or worse?
I really just want to go home, go to sleep and wait until tomorrow, a new day.... though it will consist of the same problems and issues all over again....
I know me. If I don't just say we are through I will go back to her. Then a few months later it'll all start again.. I'll get moody and start coming up with excuses, blah, blah.... then we will stay together because she'll start crying and I'll freak out because I'm hurting her... and then it starts all over again. FUQ FUQ FUQ
But dammit I do miss her. I miss holding her and talking to her. I miss watchign her get dressed.. damn I do miss her.
She called and left a message.. it was sad but nice. But now I'm afraid to call her. I'm not sure what I want to say anymore, or even what to think anymore but any of this.
Sex??? my driving force. In the past I had made attempts to chaneg my ways for my wife. No more porn, surfing the internet, flirting or anything that would take my attention away from her. In the long run I felt worse, more apart from her and just not myself. Do I do this again?? Do I just make that commitment and stay with it... better or worse?
I really just want to go home, go to sleep and wait until tomorrow, a new day.... though it will consist of the same problems and issues all over again....
Sounds like you need a big hug from us girl buddies...
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take the hugs man! 
if you don't, I could be your emotional replacement ... * giggle *
if you don't, I could be your emotional replacement ... * giggle *
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If I have to send Mrs.NT down there ... you'll be sorry - I think! 
Originally posted by butterfly
Sounds like you need a big hug from us girl buddies...
PB, sounds like you are going through a lot. Why type of health insurance do you have? You may want to see if a therapist is covered, it may just help to speak to an unbiased person. I cannot begin to give you any advice, I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you make. I think you've made a bit step by admitting you may need some sort of help.
Oh, and I like that sig! What do you mean, you want to sit next to me?
Oh, and I like that sig! What do you mean, you want to sit next to me?
So is that my answer??? Change my ways? Become a different person with real life objectives and goals? Real dreams? Don't think of sex as sex anymore. That's past history.. back when I was a rip roaring youngster. I've sowed my oats. No reason why I can't be happy as hell with someone who loves me. Stop having sex and start making love.... why so I find this to be a lot harder than I am making it sound.
I know I want to be the best dad I can for my son. My son is numero uno in my life... so maybe that's enough for me? The rest of this stuff is just trivial??? So be there for my kid and then have whatever fun I can in life.... but then again the fun has to end sometime when we finally grow up.
Damn so many questions and no real answers. I still haven't called Amanda back.. now I'm feeling like shiat for doing that to her.
I know I want to be the best dad I can for my son. My son is numero uno in my life... so maybe that's enough for me? The rest of this stuff is just trivial??? So be there for my kid and then have whatever fun I can in life.... but then again the fun has to end sometime when we finally grow up.
Damn so many questions and no real answers. I still haven't called Amanda back.. now I'm feeling like shiat for doing that to her.
OMG I'm laughing so hard........ I am already seeing a therapist!!!! Isn't that just wonderful...... I need a whole hospital ward to myself!!!!!
Sitting next to you... in a "NON PORNAL" throne!!
Hey baby!!!!! Kinda wanna put my 2 cents worth in.....never.. and I repeat NEVER change who you are to suit anyone else!!! So you like to look around...welcome to the real world!!! So you dont want to settle down with one lady....welcome to the real world!!! So you dont know if you want to get caught up in another long term relationship...welcome to the real world!!!
What Im trying to say....Roger...Listen to me!!!! Is be you....get comfortable in your own skin!!! The reason you dont like what your doing is cos you dont know what you really want!! You had a long relationship with the Missus...11yrs right?? That takes you well into that age when young guns were playing around...you wernt really ready to settle down.....so play now!!!! Life doesnt mean you have to have one person in your life always....tell Amanda that your not sure what you want...she may not like what she hears....but at least you've put the cards on the table and she will know where she stands and if she wants she can join in!!!
Always be true to you first....then to Carter....then to the ladies in your life!!!! You are more important than anything or anyone else.....here ends the lesson!!!!!!! And if your not careful...Im going to send in the Jolly White Airman to kick your lilly white ass!!!! Albob.....get the picture?!!!
What Im trying to say....Roger...Listen to me!!!! Is be you....get comfortable in your own skin!!! The reason you dont like what your doing is cos you dont know what you really want!! You had a long relationship with the Missus...11yrs right?? That takes you well into that age when young guns were playing around...you wernt really ready to settle down.....so play now!!!! Life doesnt mean you have to have one person in your life always....tell Amanda that your not sure what you want...she may not like what she hears....but at least you've put the cards on the table and she will know where she stands and if she wants she can join in!!!
Always be true to you first....then to Carter....then to the ladies in your life!!!! You are more important than anything or anyone else.....here ends the lesson!!!!!!! And if your not careful...Im going to send in the Jolly White Airman to kick your lilly white ass!!!! Albob.....get the picture?!!!
For the record... I would never change me to satisify someone else... one men can not be changed by women!!!!!!!
However it is a different story for me to change who I am to become a better person. For me, for my son and for whomever happens to be in my life.
I can't continue on saying I love someone but yet sit and flirt with with some girl I brushed up against at the bar hoping to get her number as my gf/wife is sitting 20 feet away. That's just fuq'd.. oh wrong thread.
I don't know. I need some time to think what it is I want. We just got off the phone and she's starting to feel better, laughing and being her normal self. She is accepting what is happening or could be happening.
I've already screwed up her self esteem regarding sex.. she thinks she isn't enough for me, or good enough for me. And this is all due to me wanting more and more and more variety in my life.... so yeah that's fuq'd up.
Anyhow... I think my first step is not to be so damn pornal. All it does is fill my mind with what if's... heck it made me cheat on her already. That was my choice. I could have not pushed the issue and I take the blame for that. So if I continue on that road where do you think it'll end up?? I'll do it again and again and continue lying to her and eventually hurting her more than I ever could. I've broken too many damns hearts because of something that doesn't even have a brain.... go figure.
Okay I think I'm ranting now.... Thanks for listening.
However it is a different story for me to change who I am to become a better person. For me, for my son and for whomever happens to be in my life.
I can't continue on saying I love someone but yet sit and flirt with with some girl I brushed up against at the bar hoping to get her number as my gf/wife is sitting 20 feet away. That's just fuq'd.. oh wrong thread.
I don't know. I need some time to think what it is I want. We just got off the phone and she's starting to feel better, laughing and being her normal self. She is accepting what is happening or could be happening.
I've already screwed up her self esteem regarding sex.. she thinks she isn't enough for me, or good enough for me. And this is all due to me wanting more and more and more variety in my life.... so yeah that's fuq'd up.
Anyhow... I think my first step is not to be so damn pornal. All it does is fill my mind with what if's... heck it made me cheat on her already. That was my choice. I could have not pushed the issue and I take the blame for that. So if I continue on that road where do you think it'll end up?? I'll do it again and again and continue lying to her and eventually hurting her more than I ever could. I've broken too many damns hearts because of something that doesn't even have a brain.... go figure.
Okay I think I'm ranting now.... Thanks for listening.
Oh and another thing that I keep let bug me... I'm 35, she will be 38 in August... right now that doesn't matter to me. But what about a few years down the road when I start thinking how great it woudl be to have some fine young thang in my hands... you have to say that with a buck tooth look and hold ing your hands out in front of you like you're squeezing boobies to get the right effect....
I know that shouldn't matter.... but I think about those kind of things.
Maybe I am looking for excuses..............
I know that shouldn't matter.... but I think about those kind of things.
Maybe I am looking for excuses..............
PB....you are welcome to sit next to me! We will be the king and queen of non-pornal intelligence!
And for the record, you can have a wonderful relationship that is not based 150% on sex!
And for the record, you can have a wonderful relationship that is not based 150% on sex!
Originally posted by Miss LeDix
And for the record, you can have a wonderful relationship that is not based 150% on sex!
Our relationship isn't based entirely on sex... it's everything a relationship should be, as was my previous marriage... my problem is that I allow sex to control my thoughts and decisions.
I spent 11 years with my ex.. faithfull the entire time. Not saying that I didn't try to not be. Just never had a real opportunity to be. If it had been there I would have taken it. I'm a dog. I'm worse than a dog....... I divorced my wife because I knew someday, and someday soon I would cheat. I couldn't do that to her. So I still broke her heart and her dreams......
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Ok,so now I know the specifics!!!Roger,you have what is called
"The Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence syndrome"
YUP...Been there,done dat...!!!
While you have something good happening in front(Amanda) of you,you waste it by looking and going on the other side of the fence(the other flirts,yeah the younger thangs).
What you have to figure out at this stage is,WHAT YOU WANT...
Don't go changing your whole life,well some of it,WILL have to change depending of the outcome of your choice...
Another thing,DON'T GO BEATING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD WITH A STICK,it does'nt help much,only gets you a mofo of a headach!!!
Like you said in a previous post,you need to set your priorities in life...
I'm glad to hear that you don't care about what others think of you,'cus you know I think your an ahole
(All this time staying serious...You know me!!!)
I hope you don't mind me adding my two cents to this ALREADY full of good advices thread...
Yes,I also care...
Keep your chin up BUDDY.
Denis
"The Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence syndrome"
YUP...Been there,done dat...!!!
While you have something good happening in front(Amanda) of you,you waste it by looking and going on the other side of the fence(the other flirts,yeah the younger thangs).
What you have to figure out at this stage is,WHAT YOU WANT...
Don't go changing your whole life,well some of it,WILL have to change depending of the outcome of your choice...
Another thing,DON'T GO BEATING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD WITH A STICK,it does'nt help much,only gets you a mofo of a headach!!!
Like you said in a previous post,you need to set your priorities in life...
I'm glad to hear that you don't care about what others think of you,'cus you know I think your an ahole
(All this time staying serious...You know me!!!)I hope you don't mind me adding my two cents to this ALREADY full of good advices thread...
Yes,I also care...
Keep your chin up BUDDY.
Denis
PB, I can hear you're hurtin'. 
Here's a big hug! 
:
Wow, lots of reading in this diary!!! Like I said, love your novels... When are you publishing this book? What shall we call it...hmmm...ok, seriously...I agree with what Dero said. Oh wise one!!!!
This won't be an easy road for you. Just like quitting smoking takes effort and 'one day at a time' mentality, so will trying to be less pornal. It's a matter of how bad you want it. Do you really want it or do you want it for your son? If it is genuinely what YOU really want then if you put your darnest effort, you have a good chance in succeeding. If you are merely doing it for your son, to be a good role model, to give him a sense of security, because you know it's the 'right' thing, then you are not doing it for yourself, and some day, you will go back to your old ways. Even if you don't go back to your old ways, you will feel miserable and in the end resent Amanda or whoever you end up with.
So change will not be easy. You'll have to work at it. Just like any business plan, you will have to clearly write down your goals, and any actions you want to take for this change. One day at a time. Old habits are hard to break. In the end, your beliefs, values, morals have to be planted so strongly that if you know where you are weak, you AVOID those situations so bad things can't happen...
There are soooo many distractions out there and you seem to be a magnet for them!!!!!
I've had to make those choices too and believe me they are hard!!! It's soo tempting!!! What happens if you've been with Amanda for a while and the honeymoon phase fizzles, the 7 year itch arrives? Believe me I've been there! I'm not saying you two will get married, but let's say stay with each other.. Again, you'll have to work hard to make it work... one day at a time...
How bad do you want it?
Look inside what do you see?
Here's a big hug! :Wow, lots of reading in this diary!!! Like I said, love your novels... When are you publishing this book? What shall we call it...hmmm...ok, seriously...I agree with what Dero said. Oh wise one!!!!
This won't be an easy road for you. Just like quitting smoking takes effort and 'one day at a time' mentality, so will trying to be less pornal. It's a matter of how bad you want it. Do you really want it or do you want it for your son? If it is genuinely what YOU really want then if you put your darnest effort, you have a good chance in succeeding. If you are merely doing it for your son, to be a good role model, to give him a sense of security, because you know it's the 'right' thing, then you are not doing it for yourself, and some day, you will go back to your old ways. Even if you don't go back to your old ways, you will feel miserable and in the end resent Amanda or whoever you end up with.
So change will not be easy. You'll have to work at it. Just like any business plan, you will have to clearly write down your goals, and any actions you want to take for this change. One day at a time. Old habits are hard to break. In the end, your beliefs, values, morals have to be planted so strongly that if you know where you are weak, you AVOID those situations so bad things can't happen...
There are soooo many distractions out there and you seem to be a magnet for them!!!!!
I've had to make those choices too and believe me they are hard!!! It's soo tempting!!! What happens if you've been with Amanda for a while and the honeymoon phase fizzles, the 7 year itch arrives? Believe me I've been there! I'm not saying you two will get married, but let's say stay with each other.. Again, you'll have to work hard to make it work... one day at a time...How bad do you want it?
Look inside what do you see?
Holy did i miss alot today.
PB really, you need to shape up and stop thinking so negatively.
Why do you keep on saying, i am going to do this and then that and so on? If these are things you are comfortable doing then you will if you don't want to then STOP.
I don't really think you intentionally hurt females in your life, you just do because you have never corrected yourself. Once you realize that sex with one person is better than a one nighter than you will stop drifting. Relationships die down a little after a while and its up to you to spice them up. Everyone looks and flirts a little with the opposite sex, even when they have a partener. I really could go on about relationships stuff for hours, cause even though i am still young i have been through more relationships problems then most 40 year olds. I too had a problem with settling down and loved the idea of a new flavor every month. Doing that really does effect your relationships and sex down the road (mine anyways). After you have just (pardon my language) fuqed for so long it is hard to learn how to make love and express feelings rather than just put "shows on".
I really don't think a therapist has ever really helped someone in your sort of situation, its talking to other people and finding yourself rather than talking to a text book.
I will PM you tommorrow, cause i have a splitting headache and need to sleep. Try to sleep to. I will be thinking of you.
PB really, you need to shape up and stop thinking so negatively.
Why do you keep on saying, i am going to do this and then that and so on? If these are things you are comfortable doing then you will if you don't want to then STOP.
I don't really think you intentionally hurt females in your life, you just do because you have never corrected yourself. Once you realize that sex with one person is better than a one nighter than you will stop drifting. Relationships die down a little after a while and its up to you to spice them up. Everyone looks and flirts a little with the opposite sex, even when they have a partener. I really could go on about relationships stuff for hours, cause even though i am still young i have been through more relationships problems then most 40 year olds. I too had a problem with settling down and loved the idea of a new flavor every month. Doing that really does effect your relationships and sex down the road (mine anyways). After you have just (pardon my language) fuqed for so long it is hard to learn how to make love and express feelings rather than just put "shows on".
I really don't think a therapist has ever really helped someone in your sort of situation, its talking to other people and finding yourself rather than talking to a text book.
I will PM you tommorrow, cause i have a splitting headache and need to sleep. Try to sleep to. I will be thinking of you.
Okay I realized something today... first I have a bunch of great people here that I'd liek to call my friends.. A lot of great feedback and a lot of useful stuff.
second.. I am not depressed just so we all know that. My minds been running OT since Friday about this relationship and my life..
Third.. aren't diary entries supposed to be like once a day??? LOL
second.. I am not depressed just so we all know that. My minds been running OT since Friday about this relationship and my life..
Third.. aren't diary entries supposed to be like once a day??? LOL
alright so let me throw this out there.... besides being overly pornal... possibly addicted to sex and a couple of other flaws I happen to really, really like who I am. So why change me?
Now my question... say I decide that I do not want a committed relationship with Amanda, really I don't think I'm ready and jumped to soon to begin with... But I really want her to be in my life.. I don't want to lose her. So I'm suggesting that we date, hang out together, etc... but not on such a serious level.. and yes that leaves dating others open. If she goes for it great... I the selfish one gets the best of both worlds.. I know.
Now say she says she can't do that... now what??? I don't want to lose her but yet I'm not willing to commit...... I'm fuq'd huh?
Now my question... say I decide that I do not want a committed relationship with Amanda, really I don't think I'm ready and jumped to soon to begin with... But I really want her to be in my life.. I don't want to lose her. So I'm suggesting that we date, hang out together, etc... but not on such a serious level.. and yes that leaves dating others open. If she goes for it great... I the selfish one gets the best of both worlds.. I know.
Now say she says she can't do that... now what??? I don't want to lose her but yet I'm not willing to commit...... I'm fuq'd huh?
Change of subject really quick.. it is my diary you know...
damn VCR just ate another tape!! That's the 3rd p.... uhm 3rd uh monster truck video this week.
damn VCR just ate another tape!! That's the 3rd p.... uhm 3rd uh monster truck video this week.
PB
You are going to hurt her more by keeping her as your hang out buddy. You have to cut her lose, its not fair to her. You just have to occupy your mind with something else, and try not to think of her.
You are going to hurt her more by keeping her as your hang out buddy. You have to cut her lose, its not fair to her. You just have to occupy your mind with something else, and try not to think of her.
Agree with J'Bo...
Be honest and upfront.
Be honest and upfront.
I expected that answer... but was hoping for something else.
I know.....
PB............now I feel bad for giving you hell in Mochy's journal yesterday! Man I'll tell ya, I'm not sure if these problems are good or bad! Both I guess. I hope you don't get mad me me expressing my opinion.........I really think your still having problems from your ex of what..11 years. I got married in 1989. We split up in late 1990. She started going to school full time and it just didn't work.....she was up all night studying and going to school all day! The stress got to her and I couldn't take it! So she left and I started dating other women. After awhile, I met this one younger chick that I really liked. Man, what a body! We were pretty steady. I didn't see anyone else. Everything was great with us. Sex was awesome and we got along great! We dated for right at a year! I started rookie school in Nov. 1991. Well, that is when all the shit started. My wife was wanting a lot of the stuff back we had together, I guess thinking we would get a divorce! So, my instructor at school comes up to me one day and says I have a civil paper at the courthouse I needed to take care of(from my wife). I called her and told her to come get what she wanted! So she came one night and when we started to talk, she started to cry! I asked her what was wrong. She said she wasn't sure if a divorce was what she wanted. So after talking all night, we decided to give it another try! Now, back to my GF. I really liked her, but I didn't love her. But I didn't know what to do or how to tell her! You talk about confused! I guess I felt like you do!!!! She came to my house one afternoon and after about several minutes she knew something was up. I told her what happened and what we decided to do! Well, she started crying, put my key on the table and walked out! You talk about feeling empty!!! I felt like the lowest jackass around. Never saw her again for years!! My wife and I dated for several months before she moved back in , just to make sure it would work. Then in 1995 we had Maddison, a year after she had a miscarriage. Then in 1997, we had Matthew! I never knew how much I would enjoy being a father!! (Best thing in the world!) They are growing up so fast...where does the time go??? Well, several months ago in the grocery store, guess who I run into to?? My old gf Jamie! Well, turns out that she had been married and now divorced!!! What the hell do you think runs through my mind????? (Let's call Jamie and get some on the side!!) Then two weeks later I run into her in a mall 50 miles from where I live! Figure that! I think, this has to be fate!! I had Maddison with me doing some shopping(Just daddy and his little girl)! Jaime was babysitting for a friend. There were some rides in the mall so we take the kids in and let them ride for a while, while we talk! I apoligized to her for hurting her like I did and she said it took her several years to get over it! She said she now realized why I did it!! (She had never been married when we dated). I still think what if......we never got together....we still e-mail each other sometime, although I don't think nothing will come of it. I look at my children like you PB and think I want to be as good of a father as I can to them and if I get involved with someone else and get a divorce, that's not setting a good example! I love my wife, even though we do fight somewhat. She told me the other day she had been with me half her life. We started dating when she was 18 and she will be 36 in DEC. PB, you are only human(male at that)! You will have desires and tendencies........It's hard for me to figure what love is. Look at your gf. If you can't see yourself being without her forever, stick with her!!! But if you don't feel that way, find someone else! You will always look and want to be with other girls, but when you get with the right one, you will not want too!(Like Essy said "the grass is always greener on the other side") Man that is so true!!! Sounds weird I know! And I admire you for being a good father...that's NO. 1!!! Hang in there dude! Life's a bitch, you marry one, then you die!! Life's too short not to enjoy! Roger, your a great guy as you are!! Don't be so hard on yourself.....it will work out for you!! To go through what you are, you are one hell of a person!!
I agree with DG completely.
When you find the right woman , you will never want to be with anyone else. Of course you may look and flirt but never think of crossing that line. It doesnt sound like any of your girls are the "right" ones for my little PB.
If you go back to any of these woman and do the same thing, what is that teaching your little boy? Men should not treat women like that and so he should know that and see his daddy do the same.
You don't have to answer this (i think i know the answer) but why did you and the ex-Mrs. not have sex for monthes? Sex does matter and when you don't express your feelings through making love it is very hard on your partener. Just ask my BF, i have a hard time making love and not just #$%&%& you know.
I am with yah.
When you find the right woman , you will never want to be with anyone else. Of course you may look and flirt but never think of crossing that line. It doesnt sound like any of your girls are the "right" ones for my little PB.
If you go back to any of these woman and do the same thing, what is that teaching your little boy? Men should not treat women like that and so he should know that and see his daddy do the same.
You don't have to answer this (i think i know the answer) but why did you and the ex-Mrs. not have sex for monthes? Sex does matter and when you don't express your feelings through making love it is very hard on your partener. Just ask my BF, i have a hard time making love and not just #$%&%& you know.
I am with yah.
Great post DG!!! Liek I said there is so much good stuff here and that's really what this diary was about for me.. just to get some good thoughts into my head.
J'bo.... why?? Well it started right after we got married. We went from 3 to 4 times a week to just Sundays.. that became an inside joke and the "our" explanation was that we were already a settled couple. That it's normal once you have been with someone for so long. Then it was even less, and even less. Then it became more like a chore for me.. like cutting the lamn. I'd rather pay someone else do it but couldn't afford it.... yeah that sounds bad and well even from my view point it was. So why is the question still....
Oh I always hate bringing this up because some take it the wrong way.... first yes beauty is on the inside and what's on the outside doesn't matter.... now say that over and over again and then think of all the past guys/girls you may have turned down for a date or lunch or even a dance because of the "beauty" that wasn't there... no attraction no go.
She started gaining weight right before we married.. when we met she was 130 or so.. 2 years later 145 so she says. Within a year of marriage she was getting over 160.. starting to out weigh me and my physical attraction was fading. After 5 or 6 more years she was closer to 200 lbs and @5'3 or 5'4. I know these things shouldn't matter when you supposedly love someone but until you put yourself in that position you really have no right to make a judgement. I have never been over weight, by choice, by vanity and by being thoughtful of the person I am with. To be nothing feels better than when your spouse or whoever gets so proud when they show you off to their friends at parties or company functions.. I'm not all that and more.. but I ain't half bad either.
Yes she tried the gym, dieting, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, etc.. but she did not have the self discipline to want it. Just like me and my damn smoking.. Yes I was very supportive. I constantly helped her with her diet, stressed the importance of eating 5 to 6 meals a day. Told her how great she was looking when she lost a pound or two. Told her how great she was doing and sticking to her diet.. but I can only do so much.
At one point we actually seperated for 6 months. I came out and told her that I just wasnot physically attracted to her any more and that our relationship was more like best friends than husband and wife. During this seperation she went to the gym 4 to 5 times a week, lost almost 30lbs.. was being active on a daily basis. When we go back together that lasted maybe another month and she went right back into the same mode.
Look I still love this woman. We were together for nearly 11 years and for the most part it was a great 11 years. One third of our life was spent together. But at the smae time how could you not expect to let your "lust" eventually take control. You're 30-35 whatever and your Husband is a couch potato, beer belly, chip eating ESPN sports center addict. You're still looking great and some hottie is tossing you signals left and right.... temptation is almost as back as some great chocolate.. eventually you give in.
Maybe I'm just wrong here and if that's the case I'm sorry. But I ain't 60 ready to retire and happy that I get some when it's working.
J'bo.... why?? Well it started right after we got married. We went from 3 to 4 times a week to just Sundays.. that became an inside joke and the "our" explanation was that we were already a settled couple. That it's normal once you have been with someone for so long. Then it was even less, and even less. Then it became more like a chore for me.. like cutting the lamn. I'd rather pay someone else do it but couldn't afford it.... yeah that sounds bad and well even from my view point it was. So why is the question still....
Oh I always hate bringing this up because some take it the wrong way.... first yes beauty is on the inside and what's on the outside doesn't matter.... now say that over and over again and then think of all the past guys/girls you may have turned down for a date or lunch or even a dance because of the "beauty" that wasn't there... no attraction no go.
She started gaining weight right before we married.. when we met she was 130 or so.. 2 years later 145 so she says. Within a year of marriage she was getting over 160.. starting to out weigh me and my physical attraction was fading. After 5 or 6 more years she was closer to 200 lbs and @5'3 or 5'4. I know these things shouldn't matter when you supposedly love someone but until you put yourself in that position you really have no right to make a judgement. I have never been over weight, by choice, by vanity and by being thoughtful of the person I am with. To be nothing feels better than when your spouse or whoever gets so proud when they show you off to their friends at parties or company functions.. I'm not all that and more.. but I ain't half bad either.
Yes she tried the gym, dieting, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, etc.. but she did not have the self discipline to want it. Just like me and my damn smoking.. Yes I was very supportive. I constantly helped her with her diet, stressed the importance of eating 5 to 6 meals a day. Told her how great she was looking when she lost a pound or two. Told her how great she was doing and sticking to her diet.. but I can only do so much.
At one point we actually seperated for 6 months. I came out and told her that I just wasnot physically attracted to her any more and that our relationship was more like best friends than husband and wife. During this seperation she went to the gym 4 to 5 times a week, lost almost 30lbs.. was being active on a daily basis. When we go back together that lasted maybe another month and she went right back into the same mode.
Look I still love this woman. We were together for nearly 11 years and for the most part it was a great 11 years. One third of our life was spent together. But at the smae time how could you not expect to let your "lust" eventually take control. You're 30-35 whatever and your Husband is a couch potato, beer belly, chip eating ESPN sports center addict. You're still looking great and some hottie is tossing you signals left and right.... temptation is almost as back as some great chocolate.. eventually you give in.
Maybe I'm just wrong here and if that's the case I'm sorry. But I ain't 60 ready to retire and happy that I get some when it's working.
- Status
