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(oops...shhhh..she's on to me!)
Hiya j'bo!
No more pb....none for about a month now!
massive withdrawls, too!
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Diary of a madman.....
- Thread starter Pitboss
- Start date
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Hiya j'bo!
No more pb....none for about a month now!
massive withdrawls, too!
Originally posted by Burner02
(oops...shhhh..she's on to me!)
Hiya j'bo!
No more pb....none for about a month now!
massive withdrawls, too!
your scaring me here Burner!!!!!
Oh pb as in peanut butter!!! Whew that was weird!!
Good Morning PB!!!
You're up early!
You're up early!
Hey I love being with a woman that is short than I. I guess it looks more natural in a sense.
But when a woman is taller than me, with or without heels all I can think about is her being in control, wearing black thigh high leather boots and tying me up.
But when a woman is taller than me, with or without heels all I can think about is her being in control, wearing black thigh high leather boots and tying me up.
What ya mean?? It's 8:30???
Good morning Butterfly!
I had a 9am mtg otherwise I'd just be getting in to work now... so tired!
I know how much you hate mornings so a big :hug: for you!
:hug: is that a smilie thing??? Oh well guess I'll find out soon enough
I woke up at 7:30, decided to take the day off from the gym and spend a few hours with all my friends here instead.
:hug: nope... oh well.
Hey J'bo look two posts in a row that weren't sexual!!!!!!!!!! Wooo hoooo I'm on a roll!!!!
Hey J'bo look two posts in a row that weren't sexual!!!!!!!!!! Wooo hoooo I'm on a roll!!!!
Originally posted by J'Bo
doesnt count pb cause you made sexual posts all over the place
and let me geuss you saw amanda last night right?
Uh yeh
But hey it went very well. We went for a ride, had dinner, rode home and she left. We hugged each other goodbye and that was pretty much it.
I know not good enough.
it shows that you were satisfied and then when you get lonely again you start posting sexual thoughts. amanda is purely a part time cure for the lonely heart. you willing to settle for that?
I guess that should be Amanda and three others are my cure for a lonely heart....
Hey wait a minute. I don't have a lonely heart.. well maybe but still.
Oh I don't like this pyscho anilitical.. analitical.. damn bull... LOL
THREE others???
I would call you a player but I know you too well
I hear ya... she's only sticking around cause he is too a nice guy... hoping she can find a way to snag him back for good!
Even though Carter likes her alot if she left his life now he'd forget soon enough and there'd be no real impact on him. The longer she sticks around the higher the chance that baby will get hurt when she finally does leave for good.
Even though Carter likes her alot if she left his life now he'd forget soon enough and there'd be no real impact on him. The longer she sticks around the higher the chance that baby will get hurt when she finally does leave for good.
I'm not sure how the sexual comments, posts, etc play a part in everything. I'm sure there is something to them other than me just being my flirtatious self.
But as far "needing" someone to fill my loneliness?? I can't say that's the case at all. I've spent most of my life alone and I am used to it and pretty much accept it. I spent 11 years in a relationship and marriage before I was actually able to call it quits. 11 years of lying to myself saying I will get over whatever issues I am having. 11 years of trying to make sure she was happy regardless at what expense it took on me. Her happiness came first. It didn't matter if I wasn't happy. 11 years of wanting out but not "man" enough or having "the balls" to break her heart for my happiness.
I did it again with Amanda. Maybe I'm still doing it in a different way. Although I am happy, for the most part. I guess as long as I'm happy and I'm able to keep her a little happy then I'm fine with that. She knows that I am not going to get back with her in a real relationship. She knows she is available, but it's up to her to make herself available. I'm not a bastard, player that can just toss her aside like she doesn't mean shit to me. I can't do that to any woman. Yes it would be best in the long run if we, if I said it's over get a life, move on, go get laid or whatever. But that's not me. It's not in me. read the crap my ex put me through last year with our divorce. Look where it took me. Look how I treated her during and after and how I still treat hurt. I have only been guilty of breaking hearts. The hearts of women who I believe truly loved me for who I am. With all my flaws, my attitudes and my strange personality. I'm guilty of this. I have to live with this. This is part of me and who I am.
I had to think about it for a minute, too!! lol
Guess I'm just one fucked up individual. Oh well life goes on.
no not fucked up.... just human.... we all do it....its just easier to call someone else on it then realize that its happening to you.
love yah and just trying to look out for my babe
just wait til i get there....everything will be just fine....
love yah and just trying to look out for my babe
just wait til i get there....everything will be just fine....
Been reading through my journal. Was amused at much of the stuff I had written. Surprised at some and in awe of some of the past that keeps repeating itself.
I was extemely surprised at this post. I can't believe I wrote it actually. Well the last sentence I can....
Originally posted by Pitboss
are you going to at least call first?? I can't have you just showing up when ever... he he Los Angeles area. And the thing about the lesbian was true!!!
NB, J'bo, Butterfly and everyone else I appreciate your comments and have really taken all of your words with some serious thought.
So sex or no sex is the issue right now. uhmmm sex, but she started it!!!!!! and it's been almost a week.. and I had no solo runs this week either!!!
Okay seriously we did at 4 this morning. We laid in bed and chatted for about an hour. We started kissing and I stopped. I told her that I didn't think this was a good idea and that it will only keep her hopes alive and I'm not making any promises about anything more than us being friends. She asked me if what I wanted was someone to hang out and have coffee with and go shopping, things like that. I said yeah basically.... her response. Well that won't really work for me.. I have enough GF's to do that with and unless you are gay I ain't putting you the GF's category.. so either we fuck or you go home and send my B-day/Xmas cards to let me know how you are doing.... more talk, etc, etc...
In the morning we sat on her patio had coffee and just talked like we used to talk when we first met... not sure how to describe that exactly. We talked about stuff we always wanted to do, go, been to already... some past gf/bf stories that were the stories you tell your friends because they don't get jealous of past lovers. We talked about things we would like to do together.. maybe a weekend get away. Taking Carter out for the day to see fishes...just talk. I felt comfortable, she was very comfortable.. no qustionable expressions, eyes tell a lot and hers only showed excitement when she talked and interest when I talked.. anyhow...
She wants me around and she wants me to satisfy her and my needs. She agrees that we need to concentrate on more things than just sex and should be able to do things without it. She has no hang ups with this the way it is. She has done it before but under false hopes and because I have been nothing but honest with her she has no real expectations of anything. She wants me in her life just as I want her...... hmm see below.
Do I agree with her or believe her... not really. J'bo you are right.. she's hit every ploy from number 1 all the way to 28 so far.. well not that bad but a few. What I have concluded is this.. she would rather have me one day a week than no day at all. She is willing to deal with me dating other women instead of not having me in her life at all.... kind of what i was asking for since the beginning but I was asking while we were bf/gf ... so maybe that's whats she doing. If that is the case I have no reasons not to be happy with the arrangements... Pitboss the perv gets to play.
Sge jumped into this new "role" rather too easy.. so I'm on my toes about her emotions, her thoughts and her words... and my words. No hidden or open promises. No down the road stories.. it's all right now, at this moment comments.
I know you all think I am making the wrong choice here... sorry
Oh and good morning Fade
Yes I made the wrong decision............
Okay I can't read anymore of this journal. It's all about Amanda and I being on and off again. I know what I need to do and I need to do it fast. Not a phone call I want to make but I need to.
Yes it will be best for her in the long run. It will be best for Carter too. And it will probably make me feel less stressed and more comfortable in the things that I do on a day to day basis.
Yes it will be best for her in the long run. It will be best for Carter too. And it will probably make me feel less stressed and more comfortable in the things that I do on a day to day basis.
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taking a path on the beaten path ... Mrs. NT was quite intrigued that you manager a strip club.
It's tough doing the right thing sometimes... but you'll be happier in the long run!
Made tha call
I don't want to go into details.
The book: Amanda and Roger
Written by: A madman
The end.
I don't want to go into details.
The book: Amanda and Roger
Written by: A madman
The end.
Originally posted by naturaltan
taking a path on the beaten path ... Mrs. NT was quite intrigued that you manager a strip club.
I figured as much
BIG HUG
for you sweetie!!!
for you sweetie!!!
Thanks I need it right now.
Okay I wasn't going to post anyhting about the ordeal but fuck she pissed me off!!!!!!!!!!!
Here she is telling me she is fine with it and that maybe I'm the one having issues with the freindship thing. Then she just starts rambling about how great she was for me, how she has always been by my side and then she totally pushes the limits. Friend? Yeah right so far from it.
She wouldn't want me for a BF anymore anyhow because I live to close to my "mommy" and my "mommy" does my laundry, I borrow money from my "mommy".... Hey I live 3 doors away. I did it because it was a great deal, close to grandma's when Carter is around, etc. So what? Then she starts with all kinds of crap how I don't have my own house anymore, I work at a strip club, I have no real goals, etc. Just totally putting me down!! The fucking bitch works two waitress jobs, going to be 39 in another month and has to rent a room out because she can't afford to live on her own. Her family doesn't want her to move back home. She has now where to go. ........ okay I don't need to go to that level. I know where I am in life. I know what I have given up and maybe I'm still finding myself but I'm happy doing it. I have a pretty damn stress free life.. minus her of course.
A friend? yeah friends do that. They bring you down. Bitch!!!
Okay I'm off to work and I'm going to have a great day!!!!!!
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