Girlfriend Cheated

[Solid_Steel]

Hey everyone I'd like to get some of your opinions about this. I've been with my girlfriend now for over a year. We met in January 03' and we started dating in Feb 03'. Anyways 3 months into our relationship at the end of April 03' she cheated on me. Now I've always had the frame of mind that if a girl cheated on me I'd end the relationship no questions asked. When she told me she cheated I was really hurt and very angry and I told her it was over. The next day she came over crying and she basically begged and pleaded for me to give her a second chance. After talking to her for about 3 hours and having her tell me how much she cared for and everything I decided to give her a second chance basically because I cared for her so much.

Alright so I asked her after that if that was the only incident and she told me when she was in Mexico in March 03' she kissed some guy also, so those incidents both happened around the same time, and both times it was when she was out of town. This was fairly early in our relationship and she told me it was a huge mistake and she didn't realize how much she cared for me then.

Since then our relationship has been very good. It took me a while to feel like I could completely trust her, but now I feel like I can. I know from what she tells me that she wants to be with me for the rest of her life, and we plan on moving out with eachother this summer. She hasn't given me any reason not to trust her since then and things have been great.

So i guess I'm just interested in what some of you think about this? Do you think someone can be trusted after cheating? Should I give it some more time before taking it to the next step? I know these are things I need to decide for myself I just want some second opinions.

 

[Vieope]

Why a person that haven´t cheated is more reliable ? Think about that.

 

[Pepper]

People make mistakes. She told you, didn't she? She could have lied or just been silent and you may have never known.

If you care about her and believe she is being straight with you, stay with her.

 

[Crono1000]

did she sleep with the guy? just curious

either way, 3 months is way too early in a relationship to take it too seriously in my opinion. The way dating has seemed to me, is that the first few months is OK to date other people when you've met someone. You haven't made a commitment to anyone, and shouldn't make one, the first few months of going out with someone. You're both your own person and don't belong to anyone for that time. There's no/little attachment.

That's not to say you shouldn't be hurt and prefer the whole thing didn't happen, but you can't really blame her. The fact that she felt bad at all and apologized means she's a good woman. Anyone I would have known would have said "get over it." You're hurt because you feel like she meant more to you than you meant to her. But what does it matter now? You both mean a lot to each other now.

Giver her a chance and don't let it be a grudge against her. You obviously like her, and there's no good reason to sour your time with her with doubt and distrust. You're going down a downward spiral if you do, and while it may feel like it's just a temporary feeling until you get over it, the longer you wait to come to terms with it the harder it will be to get out. I'm sure this isn't an issue that will make you no longer want to see her, but if you keep plagueing the relationship this way eventually the light at the end of the tunnel won't be so bright.

 

[J'Bo]

i only read the first two sentences.

remember "you can predict future behaviour on how they presently treat you or act towards you"

 

[ZECH]

Originally posted by J'Bo
i only read the first two sentences.

remember "you can predict future behaviour on how they presently treat you or act towards you"

Yeah, after I cheated on J the first time, she beat the hell out of me. I'm scared to cheat on her again!

 

[J'Bo]

dats right DG...you did not go back to your old dog ways have you

remember i beat you once...i will beat you again

 

[maniclion]

Sounds like she can't handle the guilt of cheating so eventually she would end up telling you if she cheated again. The fact that she felt guilty about just kissing a guy and told you about it seems comforting whereas most people would blow it off as nothing. Perhaps she was testing how much she really cared about you by cheating and you for her by seeing if you would forgive her.

 

[DrChiro]

I personally would lose her and move on.

but...if you want to try and work it out:
in her defense it may have been so early in the relationship that she didnt feel all that strongly toward you or was "unsure" of how she felt (girls are notorious for this crap)

she may have cheated thinking it wasnt a big deal and after realizing how bad she felt...now she know she loves you

hey...girls are fucked up like that (guys too sometimes)

or she could just be a cheating, lying, crack whore that is bringing home STDs and is carrying some other dudes baby...hmmm

 

[dangit]

I've cheated on every girl I've dated in the first 3 months. If it last longer than that and I get attached to them, then I put a stop to it.

Girls are people too and she prob just thinks like I do. No big deal at the first of a relationship since you don't think it's going to last that long anyway.

 

[Arnold]

I have never cheated on a girlfriend.

I think it says a lot about a person's character (or lack of) if they cheat on you.

 

[J'Bo]

People cheat for a reason and almost all of the time its because they are too coward to ask for what they arent getting and resort to someone else to give them. People tend to not ask for what they need because they are insecure or dont believe that they deserve it, or they just dont give a shit to work it out with that person. Either way as Prince described its lack of a strong personality.

 

[maniclion]

The keywords I caught were in this sentence..."This was fairly early in our relationship and she told me it was a huge mistake and she didn't realize how much she cared for me then." It was early and she wasn't sure of her feelings toward him, but after testing herself she found she did have strong feelings enough to make a kiss feel like a betrayal. Now if it were like Linda and my relationship we didn't spend a night away from each other for almost 4 years from the night we first met, if either one of us had done something it would have mattered because we lived together after the first month.

 

[Randy]

I agree. I have never cheated on a girlfriend either.
There is one stage before the girlfriend stage where you are just dating and not serious. In this stage I can understand experimenting and dating other women. Well outside of being careful these days of course.

But after dating and you both agree to pursue something more serious then you move to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage. It is at this stage where I agree with Prince. If you cheat on each other here then it doesn't say to much about your character. In my mind it is pretty tacky to cheat on one another. Fortunately for me I have never dated a girl that I felt ever cheated on me or would even consider it. If I did, I would question my own judgement as well as hers and she would be gone in a heartbeat. If your not getting a long as a boyfriend/girlfriend then you do your best to work things out and if your efforts fail then you need to part waves. After that then your free and clear to find someone else.. It's all about morals,pride, dignity, and just doing the right thing. I would feel like a sleeze ball if I cheated on a girlfriend. Then you have the people that say, "Well she cheated on me". So then they think they can justly go out and cheat on them out of revenge That is just as bad..

Ok, I'm done... said my peace.

Originally posted by Prince
I have never cheated on a girlfriend.

I think it says a lot about a person's character (or lack of) if they cheat on you.

 

[Johnnny]

I've personally never cheated on a girlfriend. I've always found it better to end the relationship if things aren't working out rather than cheat as that will hurt the other person more. I was cheated on by my 2nd girlfriend & I gave her the boot. For a few weeks she tried to come back all while messing around with this new guy while she was trying to plead with me. When I heard that I gave her the boot officially. I went out with her for 15months until this BS happened. I learned from that very well.

 

[DrChiro]

Trust is VERY important in a relationship....IMO cheating is the ultimate abuse of that trust and is unforgivable.

Obviously that person is a liar and trust will always be a future issue...not a headache I want to deal with.

Also...they must have been looking for something that you couldnt or wouldnt do for them....you both deserve to be with people who complement you completely.....dont settle for anything less.

 

[Spitfire]

Hey I havent read any of this except the Title.
And I dont need to... Dump the bitch
Do it now... do if fast.

 

[irontime]

I don't mind if people sleep around, hell I used to do it a lot. But I say that if you are going to fuck around STAY SINGLE. I never cheated on a girlfriend, (fuck friends, but never girlfriends ) and it does say a lot about a person if they cheat on somebody they are in a relationship with.

Personally with me there would be no second chance for that, but it sounds like you already gave her one. So I hope you made the right choice but if it happens again you should definitely kick her ass to the curb.

 

[Dale Mabry]

No second chances, she is gone if it were me.

I can see your dilemma, however, considering she told you and it was at the beginning. Did you ever cheat on her? How long was it from the time she cheated til the time she told you? If it was a long time she may have never intended to tell you.

All in all, I would never get over it and pretty much dump her. I could never cheat so revenge sex is out of the question.

 

[moon]

i am not very experienced..but what i want to say is that she gonna cheat again....believe it or not...unless mr solid steel is good enough to take care of her...
Sometimes ppl can't control their mind....a person can't think of the same thing everyday.

 

[austinite]

Keep her. Remind her that she cheated occasionally and demand mad sexual favors.

 

[DFINEST]

Originally posted by austinite
Keep her. Remind her that she cheated occasionally and demand mad sexual favors.

And have a second girlfriend on the
side to knock boots with.

 

[Johnnny]

I don't believe in cheatin on a woman you care about. I'd rather dump her first & then find a new woman instead of cheating on her even if she's cheating on me.

 

[austinite]

Originally posted by Johnnny
I don't believe in cheatin on a woman you care about. I'd rather dump her first & then find a new woman instead of cheating on her even if she's cheating on me.

Unfortunately you're the type of guy girls usually cheat on.

 

[Johnnny]

I've only been cheated on once & I dumped her ass right away. There were 2 other girls who I started dating that I suspected who were cheating. After 2 weeks I started dating one of them, I found out she was still messing around with her ex. I confronted her & told her it was finished & that I don't take that crap. She begged & pleaded but I still got rid of her. The other one I dumped because I thought she was cheating, but it turned out to be her brother. But it didn't matter anyway as she went away to school & I later met someone much better. But I haven't been cheated on since, & I'm very sneaky in finding these things out to.

 

[ALBOB]

Originally posted by dg806
Yeah, after I cheated on J THE FIRST TIME, she beat the hell out of me. I'm scared to cheat on her again!

Read this carefully J'Bo. This statement clearly means he's cheated on you more than once. You should dump the worthless bastard and run to ME. I'll treat you right.

 

[ALBOB]

Originally posted by Solid_Steel
Hey everyone I'd like to get some of your opinions about this. I've been with my girlfriend now for over a year. We met in January 03' and we started dating in Feb 03'. Anyways 3 months into our relationship at the end of April 03' she cheated on me.

Dude, this happened a year ago and you're still obsessing over it? I think it's way too late to hold it against her, you've already SAID you've forgiven her. What's apparent to me is that you haven't. I don't think the problem's with her anymore, I think it's with YOU. Sorry to put that so bluntly but think about it. She's moved on so I think it's high time you do the same. If you were going to dump her for that indescretion you should have done it then. But than again, I could be just talking out of me ass. If it's still bothering you after a year, maybe you SHOULD dump her now because it's obvious you can't get past it. Have I helped clear up the situation?

 

[Pepper]

Re: Re: Girlfriend Cheated

Originally posted by ALBOB
Dude, this happened a year ago and you're still obsessing over it? I think it's way too late to hold it against her, you've already SAID you've forgiven her. What's apparent to me is that you haven't. I don't think the problem's with her anymore, I think it's with YOU. Sorry to put that so bluntly but think about it. She's moved on so I think it's high time you do the same. If you were going to dump her for that indescretion you should have done it then. But than again, I could be just talking out of me ass. If it's still bothering you after a year, maybe you SHOULD dump her now because it's obvious you can't get past it. Have I helped clear up the situation?

Word.

 

[austinite]

Originally posted by Johnnny
I thought she was cheating, but it turned out to be her brother.

Dump her. Incest is where I draw the line.

 

[Johnnny]

austinite I don't know if you were joking but there was no incest. I was just noticing she was always hanging out with this guy & they'd go back to her house after. I should've confronted her first before jumping to conclusions, but she never told me who the guy was so what was I supposed to think? Anyway like I said she went away to university anyway so I wouldn't really have been able to stay with her for very long.