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Real and Raw! A different type of journal!

Gena Marie

Gena Marie

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I know most all the journals here are about diet and nutrition, but I need to do a different type of journal. I hope you don't mind.

Hi, my name is Gena and I am an alcoholic. Not just an alcoholic, but a severe one.

I quit corporate America almost 2 years ago to help Rob (Prince) run our companies. I drank before, but I have completely self destructed since. Why, because I can. I have no where to be or no one to report too. I can roll out of bed hung over and it's not that big of deal. thanks to Advanced Cycle Support, I can drink even more, and not feel all that bad in the morning.

Over the years, I have lost many friends due to my reckless actions. I have no real friends any more except a few, and those I keep at arms length because I am afraid they too will leave me. My closet friend, Mrs. H, you know who you are :D I call or text her only when I am drunk because I fear like other people in my life, they will not like me sober. I am afraid to be sober and I don't know why. I don't know how to live that life style.

Most every night I black out then pass out. Most nights Rob can get me to bed, others he can't.

Those that have met me, know this about me, it is very obvious. I don't want to post pic of my self, because my face is so red and puffy. I have managed to keep my weight at a reasonable level because I don't eat that much. I get calories from beer.

It's to the point where Rob can't handle my drinking anymore. I do not blame him. I put him through hell and he deserves better. Coming home from the USA's yesterday was a nightmare. I started at the pool drinking, why cuz it's Vegas. Yes an excuse. I have tons of them. I don't remember going back to the room, packing if I even helped or getting to the airport. We needed to be there by 2 pm. When I finally came to, Rob was so pissed at me, I am not sure why he didn't just leave me there. Based on my actions, he was afraid they wouldn't let my drunk ass on the plane. What a way to make an impression at out first national show.

I am posting this here to get it in the open so I can better myself. My 19 year old son was crying with me on the phone at the airport is afraid I will die alone and soon. WOW! That is pretty powerful words for a mom to hear.

Around the beginning of the year, in a blacked out state of mind, yes I needed another beer. Walked in to kitchen, fell and hit my head on our granite counter top. One of the most amazing people on the planet came and rushed me to the ER. A gash to the bone down my face with 20+ stitches later and I still blackout to this day.





Yup, this is me. I was blessed to have it heal well... thank you so deeply to Rob and all his loving care. :heart:

Rob I love you

Thank you for listening. One day at a time!
 
Wow Gena i am sure it was hard for you to share this information with us. I know some people feel a little bit better to write their feelings down and throw everything out there for others to see. I hope it was somewhat of a relief for you to do this and i know there are people on this board that will stand by you and help get you through this. I, for one have seen people close to me go through the same exact thing, i stood by them the whole way and watched them go through hell..but now they have changed for the better but of course it takes time. I know you are strong but you have to stay strong! You have a great and loving husband by your side and i can tell you that some people arent that lucky to have that. I am confident you will get through this. Not sure how much help i can be but i sure as hell will do whatever i can to help you. Keep your head up Gena!
 
Hey, it's like they say you have to want to do it before your going accept help in any way.

I for one will be watching and obviously since I'm posting will throw my $.02 in whenever I see fit.

Just take it day by day, hour by hour, right now minute by minute.

You have a strong support system filled with people who love and care about you and I bet will do whatever it takes to help you through this, but you need to hold yourself accountable as your the one who makes the final decisions each and every time.
 
Well Gena they say admitting you have a problem is the first step towards recovery. And you obviously see that you have a problem. Now comes the hard part. Getting clean and staying clean. I wish you all the luck in the world. But as someone said in a thread eariler, This forum got them thru some really tough times in their life and I spend a lot of time here myself because this forum did the same thing for me. We definitly need to see and hear from you on here more often to know that you are heading in the right direction. The support you can get here from basically complete strangers is one of the things I love about this place. Use this place as a shoulder to lean on. Their seems to be a lot of people here that have fought the same demons that you are facing and maybe can help guide you. Also you may want to look into AA to get started in the right direction. Be strong and good luck.
 
Everyone, thank you for your kind words and support. I have been to AA, more then once. there are programs more geared to my beliefs of lack of them. I need to use that as 1 of my tools. I really feel ready, and I will do whatever it takes everyday to be the best person, mom, wife and friend I can be to everyone. This place is amazing. I love the hearts we have here. :heart:
 
Miss Springsteen said:
Wow Gena i am sure it was hard for you to share this information with us. I know some people feel a little bit better to write their feelings down and throw everything out there for others to see. I hope it was somewhat of a relief for you to do this and i know there are people on this board that will stand by you and help get you through this. I, for one have seen people close to me go through the same exact thing, i stood by them the whole way and watched them go through hell..but now they have changed for the better but of course it takes time. I know you are strong but you have to stay strong! You have a great and loving husband by your side and i can tell you that some people arent that lucky to have that. I am confident you will get through this. Not sure how much help i can be but i sure as hell will do whatever i can to help you. Keep your head up Gena!
Click to expand...

This.

Powerful words, Gena Marie. Wishing you the very best. <3

Thank you for sharing.
 
Gena, I hope you keep a detailed account of your daily struggles. If you fall off the wagon ( and I pray that you don't) we will be here to help you back up. Not tear you down further. You know we all love and respect you and the big guy here and hope for the best for you and your family. :daydream:
 
All the love and support here making me cry tears of so much love and support. Rob shared more with me today about yesterday. WOW! I put him and our dear friend through some hell. Gives me even more reason to fix myself. :heart:
 
Gena, sharing this shows that you have strength to overcome this. It's not going to be easy but I wish you luck. We'll be here to support you.
 
I wish you and your family the very very best, stay strong Gena Marie, you CAN do this:winkfinger:
 
Well today is Tuesday. Mondays really aren't that hard for me only because I spend ALL day Sunday drinking, usually starting around 10 to 11am until either I run out our pass out. So Mondays are usually my recovery day. rob was shocked last Monday when i worked out. That hasn't happened on a Monday for months. I think I will take with week off from working out so I can detox. This way I can hit the gym feeling like a whole new person. The way an athlete should feel. Tuesdays is usually when i start up again. Yes, I give myself one whole day off from killing my liver and relationships, some weeks anyway.
last night was a great night. Rob and I actually connected for the 1st time in a very long time. He has been telling me, but I have not listened, how my drinking affects him. For what I have learned, an addicts addictions seem to come 1st above every thing, sadly. We refuse to see how we hurt those around us regardless how much they tell us this.
Rob still needs some education, I have recommended alanon several times,(not really his thing, even though I think it would make the world of difference, even just 1 meeting) but he is so cute. He want's to reward me once I hit my 1 month mark. His heart is all there. Gosh is it ever. I let him know I need daily rewards. A kudos and a loving hug is all it takes, maybe a nice kiss or two wouldn't hurt :)
Thank you again for all the support. One minute at a time.
Must get back to work now before the man beats me, lol :paddle:
 
:clapping:
 
Gena-

I'm so sorry about the injury, but sometimes something like that is what we need to literally knock the sense into us. As you know, I was addicted to heroin for many years. I was able to beat it when I finally decided with all nt being that I didn't want to do it anymore. You have made the first step here, with this journal, but the real first leap will be 100% legitimate internal decision to quit and never drink again.

I'd be glad to talk to you about it anytime you want. You have my number.

Darielle and I love you, and are there for you,

Aaron
 
46885d1343768933-real-raw-different-type-journal-forget.jpg

This came across my twitter thought it sort of fit at the moment.

Nice one down, many more to come. :winkfinger:
 

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omg! You have me in tears.

Admitting you are an Alcoholic was the first and hardest step of your journey to recovery. Cameron and I will do all that we can to help you. You know that I care for you deeply and I'm so excited to see you excited to getting back to being the "best person, mom, wife and friend."

Love you!
 
wooo hooo:) day 3:banana:

every day sober is proof you CAN do this!
 
Gena, I am here for you love! anything you need, anytime you need to talk please please contact me! you are a very STRONG woman for sharing this on IM! So proud of you! You are beautiful person inside and outside!
Stay strong! it's not easy but you know your doing the right thing and you will not regret the outcome!
 
Thank you all again for the loving support. :heart:
So far, so good. No real craving yet. The past couple of nights, the night sweats have been a bitch. A couple more nights, and I think I should be fine. I hope.
I had lunch with an amazing friend today. She brought a ton of insight into my life. It's funny how people see you different then you see yourself. Today was a big eye opener for me. now all I need to do it take the info I gained and use it. There is a lot of work to be done, but I know over time and with a ton of effort, things will get better.
I have been some sort of addict starting at such an early age. I need to find the root cause of this. I know, they, who ever they are, say some of us our born addicts, heredity or what have you. But there has to be a reason to escape. Maybe not always, but for me, I think that is the case. I have a base line to work with, a small one, but at least it is something to start with. I need to look inside myself and see what is so wrong with living in reality.
No, I will never become one of those self righteous people. We all have a vise in life. we all need some sort of "life" time out, for me, I just need to find a much more healthy time out. I need to get back to the things in life, aside from alcohol that make me happy, and start doing them again. I have given up most things because of my addiction.
I have noticed an increase in my appetite. Funny how that works. I am not craving that much sugar, so that is a blessing. I just hope it stays that way.
well, thanks for reading and cheering me on. I love you my IML family :kissu:
 
Prince said:
I am so proud of you!!!

5 full days/nights without any beer/alcohol! :ohyeah:
Click to expand...

This is awesome news.. The weekend starts tonight. Keep her busy in a non drinking activity. Movies mini golf, whatever, just keep her mind busy.
Oh and good luck. Cograts Gena.

:coffee:
 
5.gif


That's a great start.

Thanks for the update Prince, great job supporting her as well. :winkfinger:
 
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